I loved him and she was my best friend

[cinn]

I dated a man seriously for a year, I fell hard for him and felt we had a future until he cheated on me with my best friend. It has been five months and they are still seeing eachother, I am truly hurting over this betrayl. The worst part is they are both in my immediate environment every day, none of us can change where we are for quite a while yet. Watching them together all the time is killing me. I never thought in a million years this would happen and I dont know how to get past the hate I feel. I have been nothing but professional to them both but I dont know if i can take it anymore, I dont speak to either of them about it (barely say hi to her when i see her), but all i want is for both of them (especially her) to hurt like this. I am trying to be diplomatic about the situation but they are making it really hard, when i see them leaving together, touching, laughing etc it makes me sick. Any suggestions????????????

 

I think I left a few things out that I would like to include, since we have broken up he has said that we would try again next year, has asked if i wanted to go back to his place after partying, has told me that he misses me. I think he wants me back but knows it isnt a good idea because our relationship was difficult (most difficulties I see now came from the bimbo). He does deny that he is dating her, although it is clear when he is sleeping with her (other ppl feel it necessary to tell me these things even if i ask them to stop). Why is he denying seeing her, is it because he knows what he is doing is wrong or is it so he keeps a window open with me? I sorta hope it is the latter so he is hurting at least a little.

Oh by the way he cheated on her this weekend at a bar hahahahaha, but im not sure anyone will actually tell her.

[Lanterna Magica]

It must feel so awful for you, but you should just do nothing. Focus on yourself and your own happiness, I guess losing their friendships has been like having a rotten tooth pulled out without anaesthetic, but you must focus on yourself, and do your best to let it go. Let karma do it's business, be pleasant and the wheel will turn. Time will get you to a happier place, just remember people bear the consequences of their own actions.

[annie24]

oh yuck, I am so sorry. they both sound horrible. they should keep each other. well, I guess, try to get out of the situation as soon as you can. avoid them as much as possible. I am really sorry you are going through this

[BeStrongBeHappy]

well, it is rude of them to make a display of their affection around you, and horrendous that they would take up with each other and betray you... don't hate her more than him, it takes two to tango.... people usually hate the person their former partner had an affair with as a way to potential keep the door open to the former partner returning, but really, both betrayals are equal and don't let him off easy compared to her.

 

anyway, are you trying to date yourself? try to get out and meet people. if you start dating again, it might not be so painful to watch because you are getting out and trying to meet your own needs rather than fanning the flames of jealousy...

 

the other advice is DON'T watch them together... if you see either of them at all, together or apart, just turn around and go the other way... no reason to rub salt in the wound...

[cinn]

yes i am definitely dating. I have gone out with a few guys, but I prefer to keep it casual for now, just easier on my head. If the right one were to come along i would reconsider the casual thing but for now thats it.

 

Thanks for the great advice, I couldnt have imagined how much support helps, I started to cry tonight for the first time in a long time, and reading the supportive words really helped.

Please keep them coming and thanks

[stunned]

cinn,

 

I can understand your pain and anger. While anger and hate may be normal in this situation, don't let those negative emotions overwhelm your life. When not kept in check, they're a negative influence on your psyche and your body. You need to focus on making yourself happy and moving on with your life. I know this is complicated since you're forced to see these 2 people everyday. Keep coming to this board for moral support. This board is one of the best tools to help you get through this difficult period.

[bcuzitwasfun]

Hi cinn,

 

I'm in the exact same situation you are. My ex gf now lives with my ex best friend. It has been about a year and I have made great progress.

 

Here are some suggestions you might try that I have done...

 

Don't discuss what happened at work, or in the environment.

Don't speak to either one unless it is about business. If this happens, keep it strickly business with no emotions.

Avoid both of them as much as you can.

Get new friends and drop the mutual friends you made with him. I had to do this because all they wanted to talk about was the past and I'm wanting the future.

 

I hope that you can start feeling better soon. I know how you feel, it has been a horrible experience for me. Like you I thought that this would never happen.

 

Good luck

bcuzitwasfun

[cinn]

I think I left a few things out that I would like to include, since we have broken up he has said that we would try again next year, has asked if i wanted to go back to his place after partying, has told me that he misses me. I think he wants me back but knows it isnt a good idea because our relationship was difficult (most difficulties I see now came from the bimbo). He does deny that he is dating her, although it is clear when he is sleeping with her (other ppl feel it necessary to tell me these things even if i ask them to stop). Why is he denying seeing her, is it because he knows what he is doing is wrong or is it so he keeps a window open with me? I sorta hope it is the latter so he is hurting at least a little.

Oh by the way he cheated on her this weekend at a bar hahahahaha, but im not sure anyone will actually tell her.