What if he says he "dislikes" you and never wants to try again...any success stories?

[dreamer888]

My ex and i have been broken up for 10 months now. We went out for 2.5 years and were VERY much in love. He is a freshman in college nad i am sophomre. At first, he was very mad about the break up and didn't talk to me much then summer came and we hung out quite a bit. He told me twice (which he claims to not remember) that he thinks we would be back together agan..not soon, but one day. THat was in the summer. NOW though, i admit i was VERY hopeful which lead me to being VERY VERY clingy. I still tried to act like we were in a relationship...which was bad. NOW though, he says he doesn't want a relationship at all BUT he is basically "dating" this one girl. I was his first girlfriend and he did really love me. I still want to be together SO bad, but i KNOW it won't happen now. He told me that he had made up his mind that he never ever wanted to try again...but i just don't want to accept that. Is there ever hope after one person thinks that the relationship with be horrible AGAIN if we try again? He won't accept that i have changed and realized my faults.

I just REALLY love this boy with all my heart and want to be together SO bad again...one day. But i feel like he hates me. He used to be so happy-go-lucky and bubbly and all smiles around me. Lately or the last few months we hung out he jsut seemed so serious and like all he wanted to do was have sex then leave me. BUT at the same time he also seemed so sincere when he was with me alone...like he really did love me and still had feelings.

I wish HE knew how deeply i loved him and how hard i am trying to get him to realize this.

Does ANYONE out there have ANY or know ANY success stories where one partner thought they really were over the other and told them they "disliked" them and never wanted ot be together again??

I just want to see IF there is hope.

I KNOW i should move on and believe me, i am trying. Really hard.

But it is hard to leave that person you loved for SO long and STILL do love just as much or even MORE.

 

Please...ANY advice or success stories woudl be GREAT!

THanks for all of yalls help with my other threads.

[LostInMyThoughts]

I feel your pain. I know what it's like to really want something, and to look for any signs that there is hope. Sometimes that's all we have.

 

But...

 

It's time for a reality check.

 

Why do you continue to torment yourself?

Why are you placing *YOUR* happiness in this guy's hands?

Why are you trying so hard to salvage something from someone who has isn't putting in the same effort?

 

Once you make up your mind to move on, and start to get this guy out of your head, it'll start to get easier. Right now it's like you're torn. Part of you sees the "Writing on the Wall" like the rest of us, and knows you should move on. But the other part of you still longs for what you had. So you can't make that important step of getting past this.

 

Honestly, I doubt things will ever go back to what they were.

 

Sorry that this isn't want you wanted to hear.

[RayKay]

Honestly, don't you think you are worth more than this?

 

By "this" I mean hoping for something with someone whom has said they "dislike" you!?

 

Look, I know it is hard to move on, but I guarantee that it is worse not to take that step into the unknown than it will be to keep holding onto what scraps are left of this past relationship.

 

The reason you want "hope" is to really justify NOT moving on, and honestly, I don't think giving you that false hope is wise. It sounds like his mind is made up, and really by holding back from the healing process on the hope of something happening again "one day" with him is really only hurting yourself at this point.

[rmpavlock]

I have to agree with the other posters. You are torturing yourself with this, and he doesn't sound like he wants to be with you. That's okay, though. Don't you want someone who wants you the way you want him? He doesn't, so it's time to move on. I"m sorry it's not what you want to hear, but once you meet the next guy you really love, you'll be glad you didn't waste anymore time with whats his name.

[Nick_t]

I do apologise that I don't have a success story -

 

I just agree with what lostinmythoughts said. Torn is a very good way to describe how I feel and how you might feel right now. I feel very very sad at the moment because I have been split from my ex for nearly 5 months and I just don't seem to be moving away. I know I have to and am getting on with life, but there is this grey cloud above me that I just can't get rid of. Good memories of when we were together are continuously coming back all the time to haunt me and it is making my days very hard to get through.

 

And for me I cannot physically see me sharing these memories with anyone else, I know anything could just be round the corner but at the moment my patience and confidence are not with me and it is killin me.

 

The only success which I can point out is what i've read from other sites. That is to give your ex space to breath and think, show them you love them by doing this. I'm sure your ex doesn't dislike you, it is just a way for them to convince themselves they are doing the right thing. Deep down they do care but they need time to realise this and at the same time you can't put your life on hold.

 

Sure there will be many stories so hang on in. If anyone can help, I cannot seem to get over my break up, whenever I feel I am memories of what I had come back and upset me because I want them back. I want to be loved again and have that special person in my life. I feel saddened when my ex (who is constantly around as I work at the same uni she goes to and we share all the same friends) doesn't seem to care anymore when we loved eachother so much. We would hug all night and the reason we split was because she was too young to be in such a serious relationship, she needed to experience life before it was too late. I am sad because I have seen all of this just disapear and there was nothing I could do about it!

[BeStrongBeHappy]

you say he he says he 'dislikes' you, but he still has sex with you, and leaves you and goes back to treating you badly? why would you want to be with this guy? that is really terrible, he's just using you for sex and making it very clear that he doesn't really want to be with you. i think if he gets another girl he really likes, he will probably stop seeing you at all...

 

please don't be a doormat... he won't respect you or see you as a partner, just someone he can call for some easy sex. he may be hating himself because he is still using you for sex, but he certainly is making it clear that there is no future there...

 

if he can use you and have no responsibility towards you, why should he change? i really think you need to work on accepting that this relationship is over and start taking care of yourself and don't let him use you. there are plenty of guys who can separate love and sex, so what you are doing sounds nothing like love at all. you deserve to find someone who not only likes you, but loves you, and this guy is saying he dislikes you! i really don't know anybody who went from being told they were disliked to having a good relationship again... so please work on your own recovery from this, and stop contacting him.

[ebsmith1]

BeStrongBeHappy has it exactly right. He's using you! He is saying just enough loving things to keep you on the hook so he can still have sex with you. You deserve so much better! The only smart thing I did when my ex broke up with me was to tell him flat out that if he was planning on seeing other people, he would not be sleeping with me. He decided playing the field was what he wanted to do and it hurt, but I have my dignity intact! Right now he has everything he wants with no commitment and an out any time he wants it. Stand up for yourself because this is not the woman that you are!

[dreamer888]

THank all of you for your help. And yes, BeStrongBeHappy...you are exactly right. He now has this girl he likes, quite a bit i am pretty sure, and he has stopped calling me, answering my calls, and treats me horribly now. To me, i have not acted any differently, and by that...i mean more "obsessive" recently or anything...in fact...i had started giving him a LOT more space...but then he started liking this girl and NOW he has started being the cruelest he has ever been. And i know it is because of her. He told me it was not, but there is no other reason to treat someone like that. I left him a little "goodbye" gift on his car the day before i went back to school (we are only like 5 minutes apart, but when he is at his school i am non-existent...) and he cannot even have the decency to let me know he got it or liked it. This boy is honestly a cruel, cruel person. The thing that hurts the worst, though, is for the entire time we dated...he was the absolute NICEST guy you would have EVER met. EVERYONE said that. Now, more and more people come to me and tell me that they don't really like him that much anymore and he has changed. I used to tell him this, but not anymore because he says "whatever. No i haven't...maybe only to you..." But what he doesnt get is i AM really trying to help him..bc i changed a little too...he told me i did and i took his advice and realized that i HAD changed for the worse...and i changed back. For MYSELF. And him. But, really...i know i have to let him go. He even told me that he doesn't deserve me...of course that was a while back. But, it is true. I am never mean to this guy and only try to make him happy. THat was most important to me in our relationship. Yeah, we fought a lot. We argued. Everything ANY other serious relationship would do...BUT i could not STAND to see him unhappy. Could NOT stand it. I don't think he ever knew this becuase i didn't say it out right. But, I have told him how much i truly love him. Why do i!? I have NO earthly idea...i shouldn't...he should be the one loving me. But he doesnt.

 

Really, it is just that i cannot be physically attracted to ANYONE it seems. Everything about him...i loved. It just feels "weird" to hug someone that doesn't resemble his looks or body build...if that makes any sense. I know i am trying too hard to find someone to replace him by the way he looked so i can, i guess, feel like it is him...and i KNOW i should not. But it's hard.

 

But, at least i know what i know now...and he has taught me and told me what I should NOT do...and ALSO, HIS actions towards ME have shown me how to NEVER treat ANYONE that just simply, plain want to love you. I just don't see how ANYONE could turn down love...even if it IS to break ties or experience other people... When you have someone that REALLY loves you and you lose that...then that's the only time, it seems, that you REALLY see how important love can be...and i've lost it now and at least i'll be a better person/lover to whoever comes my way next.

 

He's found someone new and "cooler" than me...so i know i can do it too...except mine won't be based on what his is probably based on...lies and the physical part of it...because all he has proved is that he lied to me and this girl (becaue he was still having sex with me without tell her or telling me he liked her)...AND apparently...he DOES only care about the physical aspects of a relationship.

Sad. He used to actually be so caring, too.

 

BUT, for all those people out there hurting and wondering WHY you're hurting and your ex isn't...all i DO have to say..."what goes around, comes around."

And when it DOES come back to them...at least they will experience what we are going through now and might feel bad for being so cruel...maybe.

[Midgi]

A penny for his thought!

 

You have to stop it and move on. Not that I can speak from experience (and with that I mean moving on bit) I split up from my ex for 2 years. For a year he would not speak to me, or want to see me. When he finally did we started a casual relationship.

 

Really you cannot call it relationship he just called when he was lonley and being a girl I thought he could change and like me again... I went for dinner with him a couple of weeks ago. Couple of days later he calls me and he was taking a girl on a date to the same restaurant!!!!!!!

 

Girls always have this vision that they can change men, and that they found a "unpolished dimond" and that one day they will turn out to be the knight in shining armour .... we always knew we had in them!

 

Probably from his point of view (and i am sure this is how my ex thinks too) he told you that he does not want to go out with you. If you still have sex with him that is your problem. Because he told you the score and its up to you how you deal with it. You are the only one hurting and the only one who can end this.

 

It is hard because probably you think that you trusted him with your feelings and he should take responsability and good care of them... Reality is from a rational point of view he does not owe you anything... I think the longer you keep on clinging to the tought that he will come back the harder it will be it let go.

 

Argh..... thats my theory but I am struggling myself to put in into practice. Good luck x

[silentalways]

i think it is normal when u have goofed up with a true love and yearn for another chance to show that u are capable of what u promise in the first place to hope that getting together might happen. but to be honest, that way of thinking is really one-sided and selfish and stops you from resepct and hearing what the other person is actually telling you. i have been guilty of just listening to my own voice. i think that is one important piece to the moving on puzzle - when u stop focussing on what YOU want and focus on what SHE wants and what the REALITY is. i really played fast and loose with what I believed 'might' happen because I saw 'connections' to my behaviour that were reasonable and workable but in the end I have had to admit and realize those are simply my opinions and obviously hers are different. I have scaled down my goals and hopes from getting back with this woman to simply becoming someone she admires, trusts and feels safe about. Keep it simple I guess. Speaking as someone who was fortunate enuff to have destiny allow me to meet someone so speacial and to take that for granted, waking up to the fact that I COULD HAVE DONE THINGS DIFFERENTLY but didn't has been extremely hard to accept but if you don't and keep dwelling on the past then you really haven't learned anything and still need to grow as a person. I have accepted that its ok to still love this person and accept that we will not get back together and that I may never have contact with her again. Once you do that you can look at old pix, listen to old songs and not feel sad but glad someone special shared a brief moment in time with you.

Big Love.

[BeStrongBeHappy]

there are lots of people who are very immature, even infantile in their actions... so they can be very confusing...this guy sounds like one of them...

 

he can be very nice and smiley when he is doing what he wants and getting what he wants, but when he wants something else, his emotions can turn on a dime and he is nasty and hateful because he doesn't want you to bother him when he has moved on to a new toy...

 

just think of the image of a baby who screams and cries and wants cookies, then gets the cookies and is happy and smiling. but if you take the cookies away, screaming, anger, and 'bad mommy'! you are trying to look deeply into his behavior to see why he was once nice and isnt now, and how he can turn it on and off... i think there is no deep reason, he is just infantile and his mood is based on him getting what he wants at the moment, and as soon as that moment is gone, he is no longer nice and is not happy because he is not getting instantly gratified with what he wants.

 

so really, you where his favorite teddy bear for a while, but eventually he just throws that bear down on the ground when he sees that fluffy new panda toy over there. the bear is not even thought about while he is playing with the new panda!

 

so i think he is very immature and the bottom line is that he never really did think about you or your feelings, was just happy with his teddy bear for a while, and now wants a new toy... he'll take you out for a cuddle now and then when he feels like it, but then boom, you're thrown on the floor again when he sees a new toy and wants to play with it.

 

you need a man who relates to you as an adult, as a whole person, not an object that is picked up or put away based on his mood... he just sounds like a big baby, and babies never make good partners in a relationship because they are so self centered...

 

please move on and don't try to reclaim the 'goodness' you saw in that relationship... i really think it was just his temporary infatuation with getting what he wanted, and now has moved on to the next toy... he very well might try to trot you out now and again to play with you, but he's really not interested in you as a person... no future there trying to make a relationship with a big spoiled baby.

[summerlovin]

Hi dreamer888, I'm sorry for what you're going through. I'm a sophomore in college as well and I know how you feel because I'm going through the same thing with my ex-boyfriend right now.

 

It seems that since he's in college now, he wants to "sow his wild oats" as they say. Maybe this new girl is just a rebound. I'm sure he did love you very much during your relationship, but now he wants to see what else is out there. It's obvious that he is still immature, confused and needs to grow up with time.

 

I know that the small glimmer of hope keeps you hanging on, but you need to let go and try to move on. Moving on doesn't mean you need to forget about him, it just means that you have to accept that it's over for now, and that he isn't the same person anymore. You need to focus on yourself and enjoy your college experience with or without him. In order for you to heal, you HAVE to go NC and stop hanging out with him (especially having sex with him!) Every time you do this, you're just picking the scab off your wound. I know it's easier said than done because I'm going through the same thing right now, but the only chance you'll have at reconciliation in the future is if you move on and work on yourself.

 

Even though he said there's no chance of getting back together with you, I'm sure while you were dating he also said that he would never leave you, so obviously things are subject to change. Maybe after a great deal of time has passed (more than a year) and he grows up, he'll realize what he lost. Or he may never realize this. But by then you might be moved on and found someone who doesn't take you for granted. Feel better and try to do some exciting things to keep yourself busy

[mhowe]

The post is 7 years old.

[summerlovin]

The post is 7 years old.

 

Oh wow I feel silly, I didn't even realize! It popped up for me when I searched something Sorry! (It's been a long night)