Female Friends

[Captain34]

Every time I develop a relationship with a woman I am always wary, or at least aware of her female friends.

 

I know women talk about their relationships, and that girlfriends are often more aprised of things than the boyfriend/love interest is.

 

What can you women out there fill us men in on about what the actions of female friends mean??

[shikashika]

Every time I develop a relationship with a woman I am always wary, or at least aware of her female friends.

 

I know women talk about their relationships, and that girlfriends are often more aprised of things than the boyfriend/love interest is.

 

What can you women out there fill us men in on about what the actions of female friends mean??

 

I don't quite know what YOU mean.. are you worried that she and her female friends are discussing your penis size ??

 

i have some female friends I talk to everything about... some I know very little about... depends on the girl

[Captain34]

ha, no I'm not worried about that.

 

I'm in a situation with my ex where I don't know where I stand. I was in touch with her a couple times within the last week, and everytime I am there seems to be increased "chatter" between her and her rommate on facebook.

 

Its clear a lot of what they say are inside jokes, but it happens after I'm in contact with her.

 

I don't even know if I could interpret anything, or even if thats a good idea. They did make clear they were at the library, and seeing as how I go there to study, you'd think that if she was turned off by me contacting her she wouldn't want me knowing where she is. They also joke about fatty foods, and I know my ex is conscious about her weight.

 

Any thoughts?

[melrich]

How long have you been separated? Personally I don't think it is very healthy that you are keeping so close a watch on her. Is the break up recent?

 

everytime I am there seems to be increased "chatter" between her and her rommate on facebook

 

That just sounds paranoid. Try and find some alternative interests. You may not think so now but she will fade from your memory. It will get easier.

[Captain34]

we broke up over the summer. dated for almost 2 years, had a split last winter for a few months over the break.

 

i admit its a bad habit for me to be looking at her profile, but I saw this because it loads when i sign in.

 

i went a good 6 weeks NC starting in September, but she broke it. i was so surprised i backed off far. we have many mutual friends so we run into each other fairly often. not to mention that i hear a lot through these mutual friends, all unprompted.

 

i guess i am overly worried about making a move. in fact, i know i am.

 

i should only assume that its wrong to pursue when i am given clear signs that its unwanted, no?

 

i sent her a text on Thanksgiving which she responded to, along with a slew of other things over the last couple months.

 

i know i need to just act and resolve this either way, but i ive been holding back.

[melrich]

You mean then you have been broken up for about 4 months (I am in different hemisphere)?

 

Then reality is if you guys have made no headway in that time it is over. You should get that mindset and really put all that focus and attention into moving on to the next chapter. The quicker you do that the better you will feel about things.

[Captain34]

been doing that. dated other women, been intimate. things have devloped with some but nothing extremely serious.

 

my ex and i have a history of splitting. not that we were the type of couple to breakup and get together all the tim - rather, we have been on significant breaks before and gotten back together. i just graduated and she is a senior in college, so timing and distance has palyed a role when we split up.

 

i guess we are one of those couples that are on again off again.

 

i just dont know if now is time to test the waters and see where she stands.

[melrich]

Well you know your situation best. Personally if you are splitting up all the time I'd wonder why it is a relationship you would even want. And you gusy are at an age where really you should be enjoying life, not going through this rubbish.

 

Problem is you will only realise that in 10 years andby then you won't be able to get back all this time you wasted on each other.

 

Stop tracking her conversations (it's stalkerish). Tell her you want to be a couple again and good luck with it.

[Captain34]

one other thing...

 

dont you think that if i was way out of right field and there was no interest left on her part, than i wouldnt be seeing what i am?

 

-she doesnt avoid me and goes places where i am going or will be invited to, even when the events are thrown by my friends

-she in no way whatsoever, unless its in a way too complex for me to understand, communicates to me to let it go or give her more space

-everytime there is any contact between us, whether it be running into each other or me sending a text, things seems to heat up in a sense....by that i mean what i talked about oabove on facebook, her girlfriends being very friendly and asking me questions, hearing from friends that they saw her chatting the next day with the same firends who i spoke with. these arent isolated incidents.

 

i mean, say she had found someone new. im sure i would either hear about it from mutual friends, or at least get some negative response when i contact her. and if she isnt with someone else, wouldnt she want space and time apart to heal? wouldnt my contact get a negative response?

 

maybe she is completely over me and hasnt found anyone else...but why does she always watch me when i run into her? why do i get the impression she wants me to chase her?

 

i really feel like she is doing as much as she can to incite me into pursuit without coming after me....although she did pretty clearly to end NC. she broke things off, so wouldnt she want me to come after her if she felt i was in the wrong?

 

at the very least i think doing something about this so i know where it all stands is a good idea....although I often think back on NC and how it can draw someone back.

[Captain34]

this is only the second real breakup over two years. there was one time where we were angry at each other and let it cool down for a week, but we were not the couple to break up and reunite all the time.

 

i know exactly what you are saying about being this age and needing to go out and explore while we're young. i think that has played a lot into us splitting up. it seems like we split, play the field, realize what we walked away from, and then get back togetehr.

[melrich]

this is only the second real breakup over two years. there was one time where we were angry at each other and let it cool down for a week, but we were not the couple to break up and reunite all the time.

 

my ex and i have a history of splitting. not that we were the type of couple to breakup and get together all the tim - rather, we have been on significant breaks before and gotten back together. i just graduated and she is a senior in college, so timing and distance has palyed a role when we split up.

 

Mate you are all over the shop. A week break is no precedent for a 4 month break. Sounds to me like you are really trying to convince yourself (and us) that this is all just a normal part of your relationship. I feel you may be in denial here.

[Captain34]

i dont think i was clear enough in that last post.

 

we previously broke up for about 4 months and then got back together. i see A LOT of similarities between this breakup and the last long one.

 

the only other "split" we had was just for a week. i was only saying this to make clear that we werent a couple that broke up and got back togetehr all the time.

[melrich]

OK, well as I said, you know the situation best. But 4 months is a long time to be hanging around. Ask her and get it over with so you can get on with things either way as soon as possible.

[Captain34]

thats the thing - i really havent been hanging around...at least not all of me. and for sure i havent acted like ive been hanging around.

 

i went NC. I even held back when she pursued. and to top it off she knows that ive been dating other women (nothing very serious), and i think she knows ive been intimate with at least one. and most recently i decided against going to a mutual friends birthday party when i knew she was going...

 

so as much as im still caught up on her, i dont really act like it. i know ive just gotta man up when i see her and try and feel her out a bit.