All Alone

[ForAnother]

I'm pretty lonely.

 

I broke up with my gf of 2 years about a month and a half ago. So that is a primary issue under my belt. Its just a lot to handle, but I'm relieved I'm out of that relationship.

 

I just feel lonely a lot. So much that I wonder what I'm doing in this life at times. I try and come to a conclusion but it always ends in a "I'm doing it so I don't hurt my family".

 

I'm not suicidal (well not anymore at the least). I just don't understand this life. I think its pointless for us all to live. I'm excited to die. I still believe that'll be an amazing day. You get to "cash in all your chips and walk away".

 

Right now I seem to spend a lot of my time writing and working out and doing school. I'm in such a simple routine that I feel like I'm just wasting time away to eventally get to my death bed.

 

I can't seem to find anything that makes me happy. Everything that made me happy when i was younger, I abused to the point where it was addictive. So its hard for me to enjoy anything, since if I do, I tend to abuse it to a ridiculous extreme.

 

I'm just tired of being lonely. I don't want a girl in my life. I just want to cuddle with someone every so often. I wish I went to a party and someone was just like "wanna sleep?" and we just laid down and slept. Perhaps that is a piece of my ex that I miss. Something I want to revisit.

 

I'm starting to get jumbled in my thoughts. I live in my own place... and I'm just tired of sitting here at my computer trying to find things to do.

 

I wish there was someone to just relax with. Everyone seems to just want to get up and go party.

 

I'm also feeling a bit depressed. I used to have depression, but its eased up quite a bit. I'm just tired of feeling like "I suck at life". I never had high hopes for myself. I'd consider myself pretty darn average. Not a very interesting guy. Just a steady easy-going guy. Perhaps thats what makes me less attractive... but thats me, I don't think i should change much there.

 

I feel like I can't wait each nite to get my music going, crawl into bed, and just cry myself to sleep. Waking up sucks. I just hate having to deal with another day in this life. Death is going to be incredible. I can't wait.

 

-ForAnother

[Daddy Bear]

you're only 20, FA. your best days--thousands of them--are still in front of you, unless you let this sadness that you're currently passing through become a self-fulfilling prophecy.

[capbit]

Sorry you feel this way.

 

Writing is good since you can put down your thoughts on paper rather than keeping them bottled up.

 

You have a negative view on life, and I used to think the same way. But look around you, there are many people less fortunate than you are. Youre 20 years old so you have what, 70 years left? I know it seems like a long and lonely road, but you should make the most of it.

 

You said youre lonely. thereforeeee you must want people in your life. Since you said you didnt want a girlfriend, how about spending time with family and friends?

You mentioned that you want someone to cuddle with. Is it that you want a relationship but because you were hurt by your ex that you dont want one?

[Survictor]

Sorry to hear you feel this way. does your school or college not have someone their you can talk to in private?

 

I think you need to have a new goal each day. Set yourself little ones. Perhaps your friends could help. I am sure they find it difficult to see you this way. You could do it in a group... set each other a goal and this could be like to wear a silly hat all day just to help lift your mood and that of others around you.

[musicguy]

I feel this way a lot. I usually write my poetry/songs or play my guitar, but the feeling is still there, but I keep on trying 2 get better

[Survictor]

The thing is you could continue to feel this way unless you do get out and meet people. It doesn't have to be at a party, a hobby group perhaps?

 

Like minded people will not come and knock on your door!

 

People do not find the sad, lonely, dejected person fun to be with. It isn't attractive.

 

Some many moons ago, I was in an awful situation. I could not think about ending it all as I had my children, though it had crossed my mind. I was extremely lonely. I realised that it was up to me to change it. I could sit here and moan about my life, or do something about it! I realised there is no point moaning about it; quite pointless actually and so I did do something about it.

 

My life is so much better now.

[ForAnother]

I appreciate the many responses to my thread. All of it really interesting to read.

 

I've got some good friends to talk a lot of this stuff out. In fact I've talked to a lot of them and they are in similar situations. I suppose I'm really looking forward to whats AFTER college and whats AFTER 21. This 18-21 period is really fun, but really slow. So much freedom, but just not the freedoms I'm hoping for. College sucks for me right now (educational-wise) because I have to take a lot GE's. I really just wanna focus on my trade and ignore Science and Math and Political Science (although I have discovered interesting things in each of these go figure!). I know what I'm doing is the right thing in my life, but I really just want so much more... UMPH. I wanna ride on the edge more. I wanna be lost in Mexico and try and find my way home. I dunno, I wanna be in life or death situations... I feel like they will keep me alive and keep my heart pumping. Maybe I should take up mountain climbing or something of the sort, Skydiving for instance.

 

But then I think that is completely and irrational way to think. I know its a silly thing to wish to do. I just don't know right now. I don't know what it is I want from life... I don't know what I want in happiness... I don't know what I want in a partner, and I don't know what I want from myself. I need to discover myself, but I don't know where to begin.

 

-ForAnother

[Ellie2006]

I don't know what it is I want from life... I don't know what I want in happiness... I don't know what I want in a partner, and I don't know what I want from myself. I need to discover myself, but I don't know where to begin.

 

-ForAnother

 

FA, I think you're in the perfect place to be having these questions and thoughts: you're in college, nearing graduation in a year or so and it's good that you're grappling with these issues now ...

 

It's good that you have wonderful friends to talk about these issues ...

 

One caveat: don't put off living and enjoying life *now* ...

 

Best wishes to you!

E 1:

[sweetsound]

some things are not so simple

you need to get out and relax find time to make friends including females

sometimes having the best a friends with a female is really good only because she can be there no matter what just keep your head up and dont think negative about life everybody has a reason you just havent found yours geti havent found mine im still looking

much love

[Azual]

Sweetsound, how true.

I have a lot of female best friends because from time to time... I get this surge of hatred for other men and go to them to talk.

 

Get out and have some fun, meet someone you really like to just kick it with. Find the inner child and bring it forth!