not 100% sure

[the_collector]

i've had enough of life, i really can't stand it anymore, i feel sick all the time now because i'm so depressed. all my friends have moved away, and i'm left here all alone and i can't shift the feelings of suicide from my brain. i've thought about killing myself for years but never actually done it because i thought about my friends and how much they made my life worth living. now that i have no close friends, i don't see the point of carrying on. i know that my mom would be traumatised if i did kill myself, her dad did the same so it would be awful if her daughter also did it. thats the only reason i don't want to. i'm going up and down on this but i've thought long and hard about just doing it, once and for all. i can do it on monday, i'll walk onto the train tracks and wait to be hit. it would be dark by then so its not likely anyone will see me and do anything about it. i just wated to get that out of my system because i have noone to talk to about this.

[Meow18]

You seem too caring about how others will feel if you were to kill yourself. Suicide is a selfish act, and that's not you.

 

Sometimes it's so easy to feel alone. But there are people who do love you, like your mom. Can you talk to her about your feelings?

 

Life is what you make it. Have you tried to turn your life around? Have you joined after school clubs that seem interesting? You can meet so many friends that way..

 

What about your life depresses you?

[the_collector]

i can't talk to my mom about anything, we hardly even talk anymore, she always seems pretty depressed too. every time i meet someone new i manage to screw it up because all i can think about is killing myself, it doesn't make for great conversation, which is why people tend to avoid me. i can't see myself having a future because i have no motivation for life, i've really tried but it doesn't last long before i give up.

[glegend]

You know what I felt like that the first month of grade 7. All my friends or the people I thought were my friends went to different schools and basically left me. They told me they were coming to the school I went to for grade 7 but they went to another one. This happened to me again in grade 9, only difference is that my new friends made new friends with the people of their nationalities and left me all alone. Only 3 friends of mineand my girlfriend stuck with me. And even now I only have a two friends and my girlfriend as my best friends. What I learned was that there are two types of friends (1) your true friends and (2) friends that are more along the lines of aquaintances.

[Meow18]

i can't talk to my mom about anything, we hardly even talk anymore, she always seems pretty depressed too. every time i meet someone new i manage to screw it up because all i can think about is killing myself, it doesn't make for great conversation, which is why people tend to avoid me. i can't see myself having a future because i have no motivation for life, i've really tried but it doesn't last long before i give up.

 

I sent you a private message.

[stunned]

the_collector

 

I know you're in a very difficult period in your life. The transition from childhood to adulthood is never easy. To complicate matters, those who support us morally often become unavailable fo various reasons and we feel we're all alone and can't go on. However, let me put a little perspective on this for you. I'm someone who is now retirement age who had serious thoughts of suicide for more than a year when I was a young teenager (13-14). My parents had divorced when I was an infant and put me through a terrible child custody fight when I was 5. They got split custody and I felt like a ping pong ball with both of them trying to hurt the other through me. When my more supportive parent was killed by a drunk driver, it drove me in to an extremely dark depression that lasted for several years. I gave serious thought to suicide for a year. At that time, counseling was not readily available. (There was an actual stigma to it.) I don't know how I did it, but I slogged through. Eventually, when I went to college I began to feel better about myself and drove those dark thoughts away by staying active.

 

Times have changed and thankfully there's no longer a stigma to seeking counseling. Please reach out for some special support from trained professionals. You're young and your perspective on life is colored by your personal experiences. Let a counselor or other trained professional help you gain perspective of your life and all the opportunities that await you. Please don't commit suicide.

[stopit]

Losing friends is never easy, but their moving away doesn't terminate the friendship. If they're true friends, they'll keep in touch, and that's invaluable. This'll give you the chance to meet new people and have a bigger "network," and you'll feel more supported and have more reasons to live for. Change is never fluid, but it's well worth it. The reality is that friendships are rarely eternal - circumstances arise and eventually you'll have to say goodbye, but that's okay because technology makes it so easy to keep connected (that's got to be the logo to at least 3 myspace equivalents). It's about being optimistic for what the future has to bring, and even though that's hard to be when depressed, you can dwell on the possibility of change and having all the bad things that cause the depression go away as a result of it.

 

There are other places to draw strength from - your mother for one. Don't think of yourself committed to life because you can't hurt your mother but because you love her and she loves you. Thinking that you feel obliged to life for her sake builds resentment and makes you live your life as little as possible. You're not 100% sure for a reason, and that reason can't just be ethics. It's something much greater (love, hope, aspirations...), and you know that perfectly well, even if you won't admit it to yourself.

 

It helps to give a name to what exactly is causing your emotions. Why have you thought about killing yourself in the past? Write it down on paper. Make it concrete. It's a lot easier to contemplate exact things rather than an abstract, overwhelming sadness. Identifying the causes also makes it easier to realize what you need to change - what things you need to avoid, and what things you need to actively pursue.

 

Finally, I think you should consider counseling. You haven't said what exactly is wrong with your life in the general sense (apart from the recent event regarding your friends). You should try to start talking with your mother again, even if it feels awkward at first. Support each other through the tough times.

[Survictor]

The world turns every 24 hours.

 

There are so many doors to open if you just step forward.

 

I am positive that there are good times to come.

 

xxx

[Prenkle]

Think before you leap or step in front of a train. The moment you body hits the train will be the moment you regret having stepped on the tracks in the first place.

 

I know life stinks . Sometimes it stinks for so long that the word "stink" can be a synonym for the word "life." But I think the chance to make it something else is worth the risk of not dying. Dying is easy. In my opinion, it's mostly for the lazy. So don't die. Keep fighting the good fight.

[musicguy]

I'll be your friend

[the_collector]

i'm still feeling exactly the same, it just won't shift, i'm actually finding comfort in knowing i'm going to die. it's not like i've been trying to hide it either, i've tried telling the few people i still talk to about this and they just don't believe that i would do it. it's almost like they're daring me to do it. not making me feel any better. some people should be more aware of how they can hurt people so easily.

[kiki]

Hi the_collector

 

i won't say im in exactly the same situation but i have got to the point where i think.. whats the point.. i hardly have any friends despite countless efforts of trying and i have been used by people so many times that sometimes i wish i could disappear from it all, but i know my family would be so hurt if i were to do anything drastic so im here doing my best to make things better for me because no matter what anyone else says, ultimatly.. it's me who has to make the changes, and i know that light at the end of the tunnel will appear soon enough.

 

but then again, thats me.. im sorry that you are still feeling like this. What do you think can make this all better?

 

You say that you find comfort in knowing that you're going to die, how do you feel about death?

 

Other people might find it hard to talk about suicide which is probably why they appear to suggest you won't do it, but if you want to talk to someone about it seriously, it might help to talk to someone like a counsellor or a telephone help line.

 

take care, it's horrible to feel like this but talking about it can help y'know x