No Contact Success Stories - I need to hear them PLEASE

[nubspeace]

Anyone out there who has a success story using the no contact method...please i really need to hear them for confidence in what i'm doing... please elaborate.

[annie24]

i've done no contact, and then met someone far better for me!

[lonelymantonight]

I was seeing this girl one time. We weren't technically boyfriend and girlfriend just sort of friends with benefits or more like unspoken commitment. I was busy with an internship at the time and made that my focus. She started to become distant and even stopped returning my phone calls. I said okay two can play at this. I completely cut her off. I just avoided her and concentrated on my internship. We never had a breakup fight we just both started being distant towards each other. She started seeing someone else. I became insecure and tried to talk to her but she wasn't interested. I then completely went NC not even knowing what NC was.

 

After two months she called me in the middle of the night and basically started telling me how much she missed me. By that time I was interested in someone else. I brushed her off. She continued to call me every couple of months over the next couple of years to see how I was doing in my new relationship. There was a point in the beginning that I wanted her and couldn't seem to have her. There then came a point when I knew that I could have her but I didn't want her anymore.

 

I try to remember this and apply this to my current situation but sometimes emotions cloud logic.

[RayKay]

Hey, me too Annie!

 

Seriously, if you are thinking of "success" as in getting them back, that is not the purpose of NC. You won't appreciate it NOW, but in time you will.

 

Sure, some people do reconcile, but it's not because you decided to do NC, it is because they wanted too.

 

It is more often the case there is no reconciliation, but you DO move on, get a better perspective on things and find someone whom is better (and thank your ex for ending it so you COULD find someone better!).

[turqoise]

hello,

it`s been almost 3 months for me since I made email contact with him; 6 months since I last saw him - but we live in different countries now. Every time I gave inand emailed it hurt cos I anticipated a reply that never came, and when it did it just left me feeling more insecure and dependent on him to be happy.

 

Lately, each time I feel like contacting him, I read posts here, and I posted one myself the other day - and got lots of great comments giving me the strength to keep me on track. Everyone here is great. I do admit that the first months were Excruciating..I couldn`t stop thinking about him. I didn`t want to throw out stuff from him, reread old emails from him, thought about writing him, calling him...all the things that everyone says you shouldn`t do. One thing I did do which helped early on, was I wrote letters and emails to him which I never sent, plus i created a blog anonymously just venting out my feelings; it made me feel slightly better thinking htat there was this possibility that he might be reading it and feeling bad too.

Hmm, I don`t know how helpful this was, but I do know that you`re doing the right thing with NC. Of the several painful paths open to you, believe it or not, I`d say apart from something like hypnotherapy, this is the quickest, and in the best intersts of your future happiness.

[shes2smart]

i've done no contact, and then met someone far better for me!

 

Same here. Several times over.

[Grokker]

It's all right, nubspeace. This too shall pass. In September... just two months ago!.. I thought that my heart was broken forever. I was dumped, and began no -contact. The pain seemed endless.

 

Then, two weeks ago she emailed me... I read her email, and I didn't even *care*. I did reply (about a week later), three breezy lines saying hello, just to be polite.

 

And then last Saturday, I met someone else who I think is wonderful... I'd never have met her if I'd still been with the other girl for some reason. Whatever residual crumbs of feeling I might have had to the girl who dumped me in September are now GONE... I can hardly believe I wasted as much time as I did!

 

So, like everyone else here says, it does get better. Stop thinking about it, find other stuff to do, and it will get better sooner than you would believe! And the main thing, of course, is that you are freeing yourself up to be with someone who really deserves you. Hang in there.

[poetsheart]

I started nc about 6 months, after being with an ex who was so disrespectful and hurting me constantly. Nc has helped me heal, look at myself, my wants and needs... Hearing from my ex only made me regress and gave him the satisfaction that he knew how much I was hurting. Now he doesn't know a thing about me, and that's the way I want it to be. Nc is not to get back your ex but to really move on and heal, and I believe the only way to go..

[langford]

I went into NC not intentionally at all but just because I could'nt emotionally take it,I'm so glad I did because I met someone a thousand times more interesting,much better looking and much better for me a few months later.

 

I would not have even registered the interest of this other guy if i had still been emotionally engaged with or in communication with someone else,I wasted years and years ,when I should have cut the cord long ago.

 

It's a service to the person your suppose to be with to walk away from the person your not suppose to be with at all.

 

 

 

----------------------------------

It's only after you've lost everything, that you're free to do anything

[nubspeace]

Well my ex said he didn't feel we were connecting on a level of wanting to spend the rest of his life with me. We had so much fun and had so much in common....i thought this was going to be it. Now i find out 3wks. after our breakup that he has reconnected with his childhood sweetheart and thinks he loves her and gonna be long term. I'm devistated !!!! I miss him so much, but there is no way i can compete with that. No chance at all. I'm crying as we speak.............

[annie24]

at least he was honest. that is good. and this isn't all bad of a situation. you are now free to meet someone who DOES want to spend the rest of his life with you. you deserve that.

[nubspeace]

I'm sorry....at this point i still want him back...i'm sure that will pass, but not today....this is how i feel today. God this hurts !!!!!

[annie24]

do you have plans for today? call some girlfriends and maybe go out to dinner, or rent a funny movie tonight.

[nubspeace]

no plans tonight. Been keeping busy, my heart isn't in it though, but i keep trudging on....I was up most of the night upset and at work now...tonight i will be trying to relax and fall asleep early (if i can). Tomorrow night ex is coming over to finish putting sheet rock up in my entryway that he had started and then that will be it...no more seeing or talking to each other again. I'm dreading it !!!

[annie24]

ok. In that case, I would invite another friend to make things less awkward. trust me. when my bf broke up with me, we still had to see each other because he promised to help me move, and he's the only person I knew with a truck! So, I brought along a friend to help me move (we weren't living together, I just happened to be moving from one apartment to another the same weekend we broke up).

 

Anyways, having my friend there really made things go better. The mood was a bit lightened, and there was no relationship talk or crying. If you can invite a friend over also, to help him out, or maybe just to sit with you and watch TV, that would be good.

[turqoise]

It's a service to the person your suppose to be with to walk away from the person your not suppose to be with at all.

 

nice post, langford, right on the money!!!

[HJP1990]

My boyfriend and I first broke up March 2, 2004... I made the mistakes of calling him non stop for a month begging for another chance, then I found this site and read about the NC rule.. So I did it... I didn't contact him for several months then he started to calling me asking if I wanted to "babysit our cat" on 4 different occuations....Then our line of communication started to open up, then April 26,2005 we decided to try again and we are happier then ever.. I will say the NC rule was very effective and helped me in more ways than one!!

[NorCaSpinna]

Hey Nubspace,

 

Well, I don't really have a positive story (yet ) but I can tell you that me and lots of other people on this site and in the world are doing the same thing. It is hard right now...believe me I know. But as people on here have said, it DOES get better. I have recently started gaining my sense of self back and doing things I hadn't done since I got in the relationship that I almost forgot brought me joy.

 

 

(thats my story if you care to read)

 

Don't get me wrong, it' s still hard. I woke up this morning crying because I had one of those annoying recurring dreams about her. I like to think of this time as an "upward sloping jagged curve" (mouthful, huh?) You have ups & downs (jagged) but the general direction of the curve is upwards. This is a great community and know that there are people that will be here who have either been through or are going through the same situation.

 

 

 

Good luck!

[GuitarmanIII]

Hi Nubspace, Ihad implemented NC since around late August/early september. My X was dating someone new and my heart was smashed to pieces. Anyhow, NC was working until about three weeks ago...and then she went out of her way to contact me by calling from a different telephone number and inviting me to her MySpace page. Now that time has elapsed, I see that in retrospect I should have hungup the phone on her and deleted her invitation to her MySpace page. We even went out for beers one night. Big mistake..I got sucked into her web and am regretting it all over again. Am on day #1 all over again.

Stick with NC, it works for those who need time to heal.

Self-preservation is key. For those you of you who are lucky enough to get their partner back (such as Norca) amen. For the rest of us, hang in there.

[NorCaSpinna]

Actually I havent gotten her back I'm still early in the process hopefully I will be able to tell you otherwise in the future though

[selfi]

I did no contact for three months and my ex came back. Eight months later he left again. I did NC for the purpose of getting him back, which it did, but now truly realise that those intentions are no good

[silentalways]

no happy no contact ending for this dude i am afraid.

 

people say the best way to 'win' someone back is to do no contact and when they get things back together you will be more appealing to that person - well, if someone is only there for the good times and doesn't support you during the rough times - what does that say about them and how why would the person who becomes 'good' again want to get back together? just my thoughts really. i understand nc works for many people, but, in my case, it just made it clear it was over [which i believe was the intended outcome - and that's ok].