im a crazy ex girlfriend :(

[Belle]

Sur's story was a good one and I think she's right about this one. You just don't see it yet.

[missmebaby]

so i was just wondering something this morning when i woke up....do guys like him ever change???

[Survictor]

I have been having a think about that.....

 

....

 

 

....

 

and deep down I don't think they do!

 

My own ex skips and jumps from one to the other. I was a loving g/f and fiance for 2 years. He's the loser!

 

I have watched others do the same and they can keep a lid on their feelings for some time but that lack of care and respect for another usually does break up the relationship eventually.

 

I have a very good friend but he treats his lady friends so poorly! I think it is because he has little respect for them! He is great to me... but then he can not manipulate me and doesn't have any holds on me at all. I even say to his g/f's that he's a great guy, but he's just not b/f material.

 

You have to demand respect to receive it.

 

It should be about you now, honey... not about some guy!

 

Eventually they might learn but in my opinion, the only people I know that did were old and scared of being alone!

[kellbell]

Change for whom? Change for you so you can be in a relationship with him?

[missmebaby]

no i dont want to be in a relationship with him anymore. i would never allow myself to do that. i was just wondering because i remember when he cheated on me like 9 months ago and i took him back because he swore he would change and i thought he really would. now im just wondering if he'll ever change

[Survictor]

I just had another thought... very important:

 

I have a friend of 28 years. Throughout our teenage years and adult life, she has thrown herself at men. She cries when they treat her poorly. She does not demand respect from them. They pretty much use, abuse and drop her for a girl that demands respect, loyalty etc. These girls look down on her. She is beautiful, by the way.. tall, blonde, slim, intelligent and sexy.

 

She has an extremely volatile emotionally and never sees anything from anyone elses perspective and eventually, this caused even our relationship to break down. She only ever saw what she wanted/needed etc. Never what the other person wanted or needed. No respect for herself and if you cannot respect yourself, you cannot respect others.

 

Anyway, I had to watch her throw her dignity away everytime she threw herself at some guy who had dropped her after a one/two/three/six/ten or whatever night stand. It was hardly ever more than that because it never got over the first night of passion. They never saw her more than that!

 

Anyway, it was really hard to watch her invest her time in all these jerks whilst her eldest child had to fight for love and attention.

 

The child became difficult, selfish, needy ... just like her Mum although that was the last thing she wanted to be! The last time I heard she had been beaten up by ther b/f and Father of her baby and flitted off with another guy.

The relationship with my friend, her Mother... no better!

 

My friend eventually apologised to me and my family but after so difficult a friendship, we all refused because we just couldn't take the roller coaster any more... remember it was 20 odd years and it is difficult to turn your back on that much history. I am really upset here now.

 

Swallow.

 

Anyway, I offered advice and support throughout this time as did my family... only to have it all thrown back in our faces and not have the same loyalty returned when we needed it most.

 

She is old now and I hope she has at last found peace and love.

 

I cannot rekindle our friendship because she was so destructive.

 

She has my love and affection though forever.

 

Every time I wanted to shake her out of the belief that these guys were going to give her something... love.. affection... loyalty etc. Truth was if they did, she would be horrible to them. When guys used to tell me that they would settle her down... boy did that make me laugh! She attracted no hopers, drug users, playboys etc.

 

Sometimes, you have to not let your emotions rule you. You have to do what you think you SHOULD do.

 

I watched someone I really did care about destroy all her relationships because she turned to people that never offered her respect and she never demanded it.

 

I was really her friend but in the end, she ruined that too.

 

Some people just self destruct.

 

Don't be that person.

[kellbell]

Whether he changes or not is irrelevent at this point, you are no longer with him. I would worry about YOU and treating your self right for now on.

[missmebaby]

i know exactly why i stuck around so long when he treated me badly. i knew i deserved better. BUT he is only 22 and has a college degree and a really really good career, he has a great family that i loved, he was everything i ever looked for in a guy when it comes to his interests and what he likes to do, we had everything in common, and we had a really great sex life. when we were together we were always doing something fun, and he is the same religion as me. i also remembered how great of a boyfriend he once was. so i stuck around for so long and put up with his crap because i thought "he is still young, he is going to mature and change and if i stick around ill be with him when he finally grows up and we will get married and live happily ever after." i did not think i would EVER find another guy that had all those good things like my ex does. i just thought he would grow up and all the bad things would go away

[BeStrongBeHappy]

everybody's maturity level is different, and people don't change unless they see a reason to that suits themselves... he could be 45 and still act like this...

 

but he has demonstrated a lot of negative traits (lying and cheating) that are based as much on character as maturity level. decent guys don't cheat repeatedly, even young ones... if they seem someone they want better, they break up honorably rather than betraying their partner. so even if he matures in age, his character may never improve.

 

you have had a whole lot of hurt from this guy in what is really a short relationship in the greater scheme of things, and he showed bad behavior quite early in the process, never a good sign. don't stick around for more or expect him to mutate into someone who loves you... he's shown that he doesn't regardless of any words he has said... if he cared about you, he would do everything he could to NOT hurt you or jerk you around.

 

please start restricting the amount of time you spend thinking about him... that just feeds obsession. allow yourself 20 minutes twice a day to think about him, and if you are tempted to spend more than that, remind yourself you will think about his later during the assigned time... then whenever your mind drifts to him between times, cut it off. and gradually reduce the time each day you allow yourself to dwell on him, until you have maybe only a 5 minute time slot per day, until you don't feel the need to think about him at all... please try to fill your time with positivie thoughts and activities, and work hard to stop your world from revolving around him... he isn't worth it, and isn't interested in it either...

[missmebaby]

well i havent talked to him in 3 days! today is the day we planned on me coming over to pick up my things from his house. BUT im not calling him or showing up. and if he calls me to figure out when im coming over im not answering. i will ignore him for as long as it takes until i dont care about him even a tiny bit. haha now lets just see if he even remembers im supposed to come over today or if he will even call to find out if i still am

[kellbell]

Missme,

 

Why are you playing these games? This to me is attention seeking which makes your actions no better than your ex's. Just call him and get your things today. I am just not understanding this at all.

[scsavino]

I agree with kellbell.

I know its hard to let go.

But after awhile it just gets stupid and ridiculous.

WHat I mean is, when you look at life and the bigger scheme of things, this is just a small thing.

This too shall pass.

I am learning that as I type this.

You cannot make anyone want you or love you.

If they left you, then thats what happened. You have to accept it.

It just sounds like now you are playing this game about not calling him but you are actually sitting over there dying for him to call and when he does, you'll answer.

I was that girl too.

Be strong.

Busy yourself if you can but give yourself a chance to grieve and then, you'll being to get over it.

Trust me on that one.

Good luck.

[missmebaby]

i am not trying to get attention. i have just been doing so much better these past 3 days, i havent thought about him much, and i havent even been tempted to call him. if i talk to him or see him tonight i KNOW my feelings are all going to come back and im going to go into a depression again. so whats wrong with waiting for awhile until i am over him and then going to get my things???

[kellbell]

IMO, you ARE trying to get his attention.

 

This statement shows that...

"BUT im not calling him or showing up. and if he calls me to figure out when im coming over im not answering. i will ignore him..."

 

I know it will hurt going over there to get your things but this is all part of a break up. Breaking all ties. If you do not get your things, you will always have that excuse to contact him and the same goes for him, he will always have that excuse to contact you, thus prolonging the inevitable and hindering your healing process.

 

Are your things really THAT important? Are they items you can live without?

[missmebaby]

well i havent been in contact with him in 4 days...but he actually called me tonight! i couldnt believe it. i didnt answer and im not calling him back. he might just be calling to see why i never came and picked up my stuff but if that was the case i think he would have left a voicemail if thats all he wanted. who knows....but monday is the earliest i can get my things so i wont be in contact with him until then.