Ex-boyfriend getting married!

[BornToResist]

My exboyfriend and I are really good friends. We dated about 3 years ago, I broke up with him, as he wasn't being honest with me. We were both young and seemed to have gotten over it for the most part.

 

He tried to get me back time and time again, but I knew it wasn't going to work out. He's been dating his girlfriend for about 3 years now, I was in a relationship for 2 1/2. We talk almost daily and he ALWAYS hits on me, tries to hook up with me. I know I could have him if I wanted, but I always thought we were better as friends for now.

 

He told me before "don't get married" because he always thought we'd end up together...

 

Now I found out he's engaged from a third party. I haven't confirmed it yet but the pictures I see of him and his gf on the internet show she has a ring on her wedding finger...what the heck?

 

We talk DAILY...I talked to him yesterday, WHY didn't he say anything? We talk about EVERYTHING, he was JUST hitting on me...I don't get it. I emailed him asking if he was but have yet to receive a reply.

 

Any insight? Why would he keep this from me if it's true? We both have been dating others, I'm even pregnant with a different guy's kid...it just doesn't make sense to me.

[annie24]

who knows? maybe he was trying to keep you around as a backup plan? or he didn't know how to react so he decided not to tell you. oh whatever. it doesn't matter. I guess don't wait around for him anymore!

[RayKay]

Hmm, who knows. Maybe he did not want you to know as he wanted to still keep you as an option....

[shikashika]

YOU broke up with him! why shoudl he wait around when you wouldn't get back together with him..

 

sometimes we have a different relationship with exes, because of the sexual or intimate nature we had previously, that could be the reason for the flirting. its hard to go from being intimate and cuddly with someone to giving them a handshake, pat on the back and talkign about the weather

 

Why do you care that he is getting married? you're not together anymore... by YOUR choice...

 

do you care that he is with someone else/ or the fact that he didn't tell you?

 

i had an ex who i broke up with, we kept in contact, i would see him on IM about 4/5 times a week, then one day we met up for coffee and he says he's getting married in a month. I remember thinkign" how could this have slipped the conversation for the past 6 months...???????'

but, its up to him to tell you or not tell you..

i may be wrong but it sounds like you may have some feelings for him, otherwise wouldn't you be happy for him and sending on your congratulations... asyou said you are pregnant with another man's child..

[BornToResist]

My question was why wouldn't he tell me?

 

I stated above that I had opportunities to "have" him in pretty much any way I wanted. I just find it strange that he wouldn't tell me. We talk every day...I thought we told each other everything.

 

Yes it is his choice, but that's not really the answer I'm looking for. It's easy to say "he can do what he wants," but that's pretty obvious.

 

I just find it odd that he didn't tell me. He actually tells me how he thinks he should be single and wishes he had guts to break up with his gf.

 

It's just confusing. And it's not like I had an opportunity to tell him "congrats" because I was very unaware.

 

And I'm not waiting around. I moved on a loooong time ago.

[shikashika]

My question was why wouldn't he tell me?

 

I stated above that I had opportunities to "have" him in pretty much any way I wanted. I just find it strange that he wouldn't tell me. We talk every day...I thought we told each other everything.

 

Yes it is his choice, but that's not really the answer I'm looking for. It's easy to say "he can do what he wants," but that's pretty obvious.

 

I just find it odd that he didn't tell me. He actually tells me how he thinks he should be single and wishes he had guts to break up with his gf.

 

It's just confusing. And it's not like I had an opportunity to tell him "congrats" because I was very unaware.

 

And I'm not waiting around. I moved on a loooong time ago.

 

i think the "why wouldn't he tell me" question is one that a lot of us want answered, but will never get it..

 

 

As i said, my ex didn't tell me he was even engaged, and we talked a LOT

 

i want to know why my ex broke up with me" why won't he tell me?"

 

 

I don't get it .. I never will... i don't think you will either (hopefully you can prove me wrong! )

[bcuzitwasfun]

Hi BornToResist,

 

Maybe he thought that he would hurt you and you guys couldn't be friends and on speaking terms anymore.

 

Maybe he likes the ideas of him being able to "hit" on you and knowing that you won't say anything to his fiancé.

 

Maybe he is afraid that you will say something about him "hitting" on you to his fiancé.

 

I don't know for sure, these are just some answers that popped in my mind. Maybe you could ask him next time you guys talk. If you do, let us know what the answer is. Anyhow, I'm glad that you have moved on and that you realize that you could have "had" him. I like the past tense because it does sound like you have moved on.

 

Thanks

becuzitwasfun

[BeStrongBeHappy]

I had an ex-boyfriend like this, and i think what he is trying to do is keep all of his options perpetually open. I broke up with him because he had neglected to mention he was dating another woman at the same time he was living in my apt.!

 

after i got him out of my place and broke it off, he periodically would make a run at me to try to get me to go out to dinner with him (as a precursor to trying to get me to sleep with him) but i refused because i knew what he really wanted.

 

he eventually got married to the other woman, so i thought, whew, he won't be bothering me about want sex anymore and we can just be friends... but sure enough, with a couple months, he was back trying to get me to go out with him and sleep with him! i stopped seeing him as a friend entirely after that because i thought it was really crass to be a newlywed and hitting on old girlfriends!

 

so maybe he really enjoys sex with you, or just wants some easy sex for variety from his girlfriend! he obviously keeps trying... and most men are smart enough to know that honest women will PERMANENTLY slam the potential sex door in his face if they know he is engaged or married. so he's not bringing up the engagement in hopes that he will still get you to sleep with him sometime, and NOT tell his fiance about it.

 

so i think he is a deceptive and manipulative person. he is trying to get sex on the side for himself, and not have either you or his fiancee find out about what is going on with the other person. i think it's a pretty simple answer, he's a selfish jerk manipulating people to get what he wants...

 

he really doesn't sound like the best kind of person to be friends with either, i'd cool that friendship down if i were you.

[annie24]

one of my friends on here (but he hasn't posted in a while), made a comment to me. He said, "Annie, people don't always react the way you would. Everyone has their own way of reacting."

 

I think that we need to be careful sometimes not to assume that someone will act in a way we think they would.

 

Why don't you just ask him? Tell him you found out about the engagement and congratulate him. Maybe he just wanted to tell you in person. Some people like to tell big news in person.

[BornToResist]

I was just told this morning and emailed him asap. I won't get to talk to him til tonight, or maybe Monday depending on what's going on this weekend. But it's bothering me now, so I came here...

 

It's weird because the reason I dumped him was because he was hanging out with other girls all the time and not telling me about it, just like he does with her now. The girl he *might be* engaged to was one of those other girls, so it's not like there weren't huge red flags. The signs were there, and that's her problem now. He's been the same way since I met him. He's a great friend, but a terrible boyfriend and he knows it. You'd think she would know it too.

 

As for the sex thing, I guess I could see that, although I haven't given him any since we started dating other people. But I'm the one who took his virginity and she's waiting for marriage. *lightbulb* Oh wait...

[BeStrongBeHappy]

oh wow... i see the light too! yep, he is probably just not liking celibacy very much, and hoping you'll help him out there.... that explains it.... LOL!!

[RayKay]

oh wow... i see the light too! yep, he is probably just not liking celibacy very much, and hoping you'll help him out there.... that explains it.... LOL!!

 

Or, it may be why he is getting married to her....especially if he knows he can "have her" and keep his options open with others (not you BTR, but I am sure he hits on others).

 

 

Unfortunate, but there ARE some whom do get married to have sex.....not a reason I advocate, but I do know at least two people whom got married years ago whom were saving sex, or their partners were, until marriage, they got married as they really were sexually frustrated...and neither of them are happy in their marriages, and have not been for a long time.

[BornToResist]

No way, he's not faithful to her at all. It's sad really. He's told me a couple of times that he's cheated. It's not like he's proud about it, he seems to feel a little bad, but I think it sucks to be her. I just told him he sucks and is an awful boyfriend and he should just break up with her if he wants to go sleep around...this will only break her heart.

 

But like I said, the signs were there. SHE was the other girl when I was dating him, so how exactly is that relationship going to go, you know? It's not a surprise.

 

I just got a response from him...I emailed him earlier "are you getting married?" and his reply was "...why do you ask...?"

 

He's STILL not telling me, but I'm pretty sure that means yes.

 

Weird. Marraige for sex. Not how I'd want my til-death-do-us-part to be about, but that's why I dumped him...

[BornToResist]

Okay...well I made something out of nothing I guess...

 

I called him and drilled him (in our friendly way) and he said no way, and won't stop asking who I heard that from...

 

*sigh* The joys of rumors.

 

Thanks for the advice everyone!!

[Hope75]

What about the pictures of her with the ring?

 

Have you ever drawn the line with him, BTR? Told him that you don't appreciate being hit on when he is with someone else?

 

Personally, I'd be disgusted with him and terminate the friendship if he were doing this to me. How disrespectful to both of us.

 

What is he adding to your life?

[Siriana]

Hm, what a nice man.

Well the fact he hasn't told you about engagements is so disrespectfull toward his future wife. Also the fact he's flirting with you the way he does.

 

I would stop beeing his friend as a sign of respect toward me and his wife - he's disrepectfull to both of you.