What Is Going On Here?

[garciayvega]

I'd like to describe a situation for you all and would like for you to tell me what you think is happening between these two people. We'll call them Sam and Diane. Diane is my good friend. They were high school sweethearts who had not spoken in 5 years and had not seen each other in 15. They are both divorced or in the process of getting divorced, Sam for 10 years Diane for 3 years. Diane contacted Sam through a reunion site but he had no idea for months until he went to the site and realized she had left him a message. Sam emailed Diane and they exchanged numbers. The night that Sam emailed Diane his phone numbers she called and they spoke for four hours. Since that day, a little over two months ago, they have emailed each other several times a day and spoken on the phone, almost every day. They live about two hours apart but have been able to spend some time together. Sam introduced Diane to his pre-teen daughter and they got along great. Soon Diane will be introducing Sam to her three small children. Now the kicker. Diane has a boyfriend, let's call him Frasier. Diane started dating Frasier shortly after Sam came back in her life. Frasier has no idea that Sam exists or that Diane talks to Sam so much. Diane and Frasier are not able to see each other often. Even when Frasier is there Diane finds a way to contact Sam if only briefly, quick phone call or a fast email. Sam has told Diane that he has feelings for her but Diane made a promise to Frasier that she would not see anyone else. Diane thinks that there is nothing wrong with her relationship with Sam. Sam does not want to give up his "friendship" with Diane. What is up with these people? Is Diane kidding herself that there is nothing going on with Sam? Is Sam an idiot for staying in this situation? And poor Frasier, does he deserve to know about all this?

[Jayar]

Of course there is something going on with Sam, but because for some reason Diane feels there isn't yet the SECURITY with Sam, she is holding onto Frasier as a security blanket for the time being. And yes, Frasier would deserve to know, so that he can move on and let Diane move on (even if she may not quite yet be ready to because she doesn't have a guaranteed safe landing... yet.)

 

In this case, Diane should not be leading Frasier on while she tests the waters with Sam. That's my take on it anyway.

[chai714]

I think you should leave Diane alone for now. She's 2 hours away and she has a boyfriend. What advantage is there to talking to someone who has a boyfriend and who also lives 2 hours away? You should possibly talk to her sporadically but she's giving you no indication that she's available. And since you want more and she's not available, you're wasting your time.

[Momene]

I'd tell Diane that she needs to decide between Sam and Frasier. If she can't shew should break free from both of them.