How to reject someone nicely?

[confused25]

One of my friends is really close with her older brother so quite often he would tag along with us when we hang out. I'm starting to get this feeling that her brother might have a crush on me. He asked for my number not too long ago when we were all having brunch. I gave it to him as a friendly gesture, being that we are always hanging out together. Anyways, the other day he actually called me and asked if I wanted to have dinner with him. It didn't sound like my friend was coming along either. Although I felt a bit awkard about going with him, I ended up saying yes because I felt bad. Well luckily, my friend was online at the time and she imed me with some random comments about something. So I told her that her brother had just called and we made plans to have dinner. I ended up asking her if she wanted to come and she said yes (and she didn't know that he had called). So we all ended up going out to dinner together. Later on when I got home he sent me a text saying that he had a great time and he hopes that we can do it again sometime. So is he interested? or is he just being nice? I feel bad because he really is a very nice guy, but I'm just not attracted to him that way. And knowing me, I know I wouldn't feel comfortable hanging out with just him in the future. So the question is, what should I do or say the next time he invites me out?

[Scout]

Let me ask you something...because you say he's a really nice guy...are you absolutely sure there's no chance you would ever be interested in him? A few dates might actually change your perspective. You never know!

[Day_Walker]

Just tell the guy that you arent into him, keep it plain and simple and when he asks you out again tell him that you wont go and u arent into him.

[confused25]

Let me ask you something...because you say he's a really nice guy...are you absolutely sure there's no chance you would ever be interested in him? A few dates might actually change your perspective. You never know!

 

I know for sure that I won't be interested! I think he's nice in a way that I can picture him being a really good and caring friend. But I just don't feel that chemistry with him. Like I don't get that anxious feeling when I know that I'm going to see him. It's just different than what I've experienced in the past. Plus he's my friend's brother! I just think that things might get messy if things don't end up working out in the end.

[Scout]

Is he smart? Does he make you laugh? Do you have things in common with him?

[Dating Coach]

The best way to do it is to be clear and honest. If you leave them a shred of hope a lot of guys cling to that and try again in the future.

[Scout]

The only reason I'm asking you these questions is because I've had someone interested in me in the past I didn't feel chemistry with at first. But he was so nice and friendly, I thought...well...maybe if we go on a few dates I'll learn more about him and we'll hit it off. We actually did, and ended up together for almost a year.

[confused25]

Scout - lol you really are trying to convince me to give the guy a chance huh? JK

 

I would say that he's a pretty smart guy with a decent and stable job and we share some common interests. But! I really really feel horrible about saying this, but I think I'm just not that attracted to him physically either. I really don't want to sound shallow but I think that you would have to be somewhat attracted to someone's looks as well no? I know people will say that personality is more important but I think that there should be a healthy balance.

[Scout]

No, I totally understand where you're coming from, and if I hadn't had that one experience I referenced above, I too would say there has to be chemistry right off the bat. But that experience kind of opened my eyes that chemistry can actually develop over time the more we grow to like the person's personality. The guy I'm talking about...well, at first I thought he was rather dorky looking. As I grew to know him, and we had such fun together, I started to think he was rather cute. My attraction really grew for him.

 

It's not impossible, is all I'm saying.

[Scout]

Actually, I just went back over some of your threads, and you're very recently coming out of a break up. It may not be the best time to give someone new a chance while thoughts of the ex are still clouding your perceptions. In which case, you could tell this guy exactly that. It's the truth.

[Jayar]

I agree with Scout, tell him you're just not ready for a relationship at this point or for the foreseeable future... If he doesn't stop pursuing you simply say you're not interested because he's your friend's brother and you just don't DO that. He'd take the hint.

 

As an aside, I did not find my ex good looking when we met... It took me 3 or 4 dates before I got over it. After falling in love with him, he was the only guy on EARTH that I had eyes for (even Brad Pitt had nothing on my boy in my opinion)... Ironic how he'd be the first person to ever tear my heart open.