I want my money!

[Its_B]

I was with someone for about four months when he abused me. I moved out, and pressed charges...he was ordered to pay restitution. I was stupid and continued to see him, we were together for about two years total and we just offically ended things in June.

 

My question is this, he was ordered to pay me 600 dollars in restitution. I have received two checks in a year and half totally 200. When I looked up the sentencing papers, I realized he was supposed to be paying 100 dollars a month til it was paid off. He obviously has not been doing that.

 

Now the problem is this. Do I

 

A. Call him and try to be nice about it(theres a long story behind it, but basically we are not on good terms. He started talking to me after we broke up, behind his gfs back..she found out..his family thought I was trying to break them up and threatened to call the police for harassment..I have never harassed him, in fact, it was the other way around if anything.)

 

B. Call the courts and let them deal with it, leading to court and possibly more jailtime for him.

 

The choice that seems obvious would be B. But, I know that this could quite possibly land him back in jail, and to be honest, I really don't want to see that happen. Not because there are still feelings or anything, but I think it could be resolved without that. I know that either route I take, I am going to get heat for it. If I call him, his sister may possibly call the police(even though there is nothing to call for), his girlfriend may get the wrong idea, or he may even yell. But if I let the courts handle it, I am afraid of how they will all handle it, and they will all be even more angry at me then. The other problem is that when this went to court, he was given a no contact order, which he obviously has broken. Does anyone know how that would affect me? Could I get in trouble? Im afraid if this goes to court they will say Im just trying to get back at him for having a new girlfriend and that I am harassing them and that I broke the no contact order(Although I have phone records and witnesses to prove otherwise)

 

I am really undecided about this situation. I don't want to be too nice, but I really would like to just end this, without court if possible.

 

Any suggestions would be greatly appriciated.

[melrich]

The best thing you can do in my opinion is just leave it. Put it behind you. $400 is not worth the grief it will cause both you and him and ultimately you are unlikely to get the money anyway.

 

Just let it go.

[equinox]

yeah as above said, leave it. $400, it's not really worth it.

[Roasted Carrots]

I agree with melrich.

 

But if you really want the money back, I would go through the courts. Be honest and upfront with the courts about the contact you have made with this guy. I don't think you'll get into "trouble", but they will probably order you not to contact him again. You really shouldn't be in contact with this creep anyway.

[Its_B]

The best thing you can do in my opinion is just leave it. Put it behind you. $400 is not worth the grief it will cause both you and him and ultimately you are unlikely to get the money anyway.

 

Just let it go.

 

I have thought about that. But, I KNOW he is purposely not paying it to me. And if I were to let it go I feel like Im saying "Hey, its ok I had to go to the hospital and pay those bills and miss work because of you, don't worry about it" if this was money I had lent him, I would let it go. But this was something that was not my fault, it was his. It was wrong what he did, and the court ordered he pay me back for the bills that it caused. He should be held responsible for that. If he doesn't want to pay on his own, then I will for sure be going to the court, because I won't let him get away with it.

[dogheadma]

Completely not worth it. Best to just forget it.

[Its_B]

Completely not worth it. Best to just forget it.

 

It IS worth it to me. I can not just forget it. He hurt me physically and mentally, and while I can't do anything to get repaid for the emotional damage, I can get repaid for the physical.

[melrich]

I have thought about that. But, I KNOW he is purposely not paying it to me. And if I were to let it go I feel like Im saying "Hey, its ok I had to go to the hospital and pay those bills and miss work because of you, don't worry about it" if this was money I had lent him, I would let it go. But this was something that was not my fault, it was his. It was wrong what he did, and the court ordered he pay me back for the bills that it caused. He should be held responsible for that. If he doesn't want to pay on his own, then I will for sure be going to the court, because I won't let him get away with it.

 

Well of course it is up to you but my guess is that if you pursue it, especially through the courts, you will at some point in time say,"this is just not worth the stress and impact this is having on my enjoyment of life."

 

Believe me having been through a divorce, I know how much disagreements (no matter how right you think you are) like this can have serious impact on your life.

 

I would also see a lawyer about the impact of the fact that you resumed your relationship with him would have on the claim.

[Daddy Bear]

the money rightfully belongs to you. i think i'd give him one quick 'n dirty notice as a last chance to pony up before going back to court... that is, if you think it's important for him to take care of this obligation.

[agent1607307371]

Yeah, could you get a letter from a lawyer. That might worry him into paying up without having to go through the system to get it.

 

. I don't think he see's not paying you as you saying the abuse was ok, he probably see's it as ok because he was able to continue a relationship with you and thinks that that let him off the hook so to speak.

 

So I'd speak to a lawyer about that fact also, if you do have to take it through the courts.

[Its_B]

Yeah, could you get a letter from a lawyer. That might worry him into paying up without having to go through the system to get it.

 

. I don't think he see's not paying you as you saying the abuse was ok, he probably see's it as ok because he was able to continue a relationship with you and thinks that that let him off the hook so to speak.

 

So I'd speak to a lawyer about that fact also, if you do have to take it through the courts.

 

I know, from what he has told me, that all I have to do is file a complaint and his probation officer will get on his case about paying me more. But, if his probation officer feels the need, she could say that this is a violation of his probation. Then HE would have to go to court, I most likely would not have to attend because its really not about me, I just send it my proof of payments. I guess I just don't want him to think its ok to cause the bills but not pay for them. I was stupid in letting our relationship continue..I know that much. I never really let him off the hook with paying though. I was always asking when he would pay me, and it was always "soon" but then his story would change and he would tell me he didn't feel he had to. Which made my blood boil. I tried to give him the benefit of the doubt, because he was out of a job(his own fault) but now that I know he has money I don't want this issue to be pushed aside anymore.

[need2bme]

It is better to foget the drama and heartache than to go after the guy.

[avman]

If you have a rightful judgement you could turn it over to a collection agency. They'll take a 30% cut or so if they can get the money. But they'll be the ones doing all the calling and bothering him to get him to pay.

[Bethany]

I think he probably thought it was all quits when you forgave him and took him back.

 

Think long and hard before you drag up the past.

[melrich]

If you have a rightful judgement you could turn it over to a collection agency. They'll take a 30% cut or so if they can get the money. But they'll be the ones doing all the calling and bothering him to get him to pay.

 

I think the problem will be that they continued the relationship. This is likely to be a he said/ she said thing. Why wouldn't he just say "I gave her the money whilst we were going out together."

 

I know here that courts would be very reluctant to get involved in what seems to be a domestic dispute over money.

[agent1607307371]

You're worried about a lot of people being angry with you over this. Why?

 

Do you think that if you talk to his parole officer and maybe tell her/him that you just want it sorted but don't want him to go to jail that they might be able to help with the situation.

[Its_B]

You're worried about a lot of people being angry with you over this. Why?

 

Do you think that if you talk to his parole officer and maybe tell her/him that you just want it sorted but don't want him to go to jail that they might be able to help with the situation.

 

Thats a good idea, I think I will do it. I am scared of his family mostly. They made things very difficult for me while we were together, and honestly..they are kind of crazy, I don't know what to expect from them.

[Its_B]

I think the problem will be that they continued the relationship. This is likely to be a he said/ she said thing. Why wouldn't he just say "I gave her the money whilst we were going out together."

 

I know here that courts would be very reluctant to get involved in what seems to be a domestic dispute over money.

 

 

The court ordered this money to be paid. Any payment he makes has to be put through their system first, then they cut me a check. So techinically they are not doing there job in the first place by keeping on top of things. They have the same records as I do, showing what he has paid, and what has not yet been paid.

[BeStrongBeHappy]

i think once the court has made a judgment, he is legally required to pay it, regardless, so you could enforce this through the courts.

 

when was this no contact order? i think if you took him back after that order was issued, they would probably be less likely to put him in jail or fine him severely over that part. but if it is recently that he is bothering you (and the no contact order issued after this final breakup), then that is a different story and you could probably easily bring both the no contact and failed payments up to the court. but having taken him back puts you in a bit of a weaker position leverage wise... courts do understand the cycles of abuse men and women go thru, but if he hasn't abused you since the original order (that you can prove), and you took him back, who knows what he will say about who initiated that contact between you, what lie he will tell, or lies he could get family members or friends or girlfriends as witnesses to tell etc. who initiated this breakup too, you or him? that kind of thing does come into play, especially if he tried to claim you are now harassing him because he broke up with you for a new girlfriend.

 

but your big problem is this guy is really bad news, and this thing seems to escalate out of control quite easily in a way that could personally and potentially cause you harm and cost you a lot more than the $400 is worth.

 

with some twisted people, it is best to just walk away, in fact run away if necessary, to just get away from them and their poison and get them out of your life and on with your healing. trying to get justice from some abusers can be like wrestling with an alligator or taking on a rabid dog, just not worth the damage that can be done to you to win that fight.

 

you totally and completely did NOT deserve any of his abuse, but sometimes women end up in worse trouble trying to punish their abuser than they do walking away from it. just remember you were lucky to get out, though it took you a couple tries first, and he is not YOUR problem anymore, other than the $400 that you can choose to pursue or not...

 

i'd also work on other ways to deal with your very justified anger that heals you rather than just proves a point to him or escalates the situation and continues the contact with him.

 

you might want to talk to a legal aid counselor... they will usually try to be impartial, and tell you your odds of recovering the money, or whether it would be more expensive and more trouble than it is worth... sometimes the legal fees are far more than the potential award, so better ways to spend your money. enforcing a judgment usually means going before the judge again, so that may cost you money.

 

re: the emotional need to get the money back, that might best be addressed with a counselor, to help you decide what is the best path to your own healing...

 

you have to do what you think best, but i'd try to cool down a little from the breakup before you make the decision on which way to go, and think what is best for your long term self interest, not a heat of anger kind of decision because of the potential consequences.