ok... so do i have a right to be mad?

[luvursmile]

I see red flags all over the place:

 

1st-This guy seems like hes very possesive. I mean, not letting you see your friends! I mean, hes trying to tell you what to do in your own house!

2-he just moved in without asking! seems kinda cocky to me

3-this is just my opinion, but considering theyve separated on a few occasions, I dont think he is ready to fully leave his wife...seems like hes just enjoying the free room & board (not trying to be hurtful, just honest)

 

and I wont go into the whole dating a married man speech either.

[ImThatGirl]

It doesn't matter that she cheated on him.

 

It doesn't justify you living with him.

 

It doesn't justify him rushing into something else while having unfinished business.

 

I just think he doesn't sound like a good guy for you.

 

Why are you settling?

[BeStrongBeHappy]

btw, it is a HUGE red flag that he bullies his way into living with you after only two weeks,then cuts you off from your friends... maybe he's too cheap (or too poor) to pay for his own place, or else he wants some hot sex for a while before going back to his wife... and he's actually living with you and doesn't take you to his parents for the holidays?? sounds like you are a convenience to him, and the relationship gets acknowledged or not based on whatever he wants at that minute... RED FLAGS EVERYWHERE!!!

 

please stand up for yourself on this one and at least get him out of your house, quickly... this guy sounds like he is NOT very nice, and is possibly a user in the bargain... trying to control one's friends is also a sign he could be a potential abuser. one of the first steps in abuse is isolating the person from their friends and other people who would give you a sanity check about whether he is a good guy or not.

 

if he's strong enough to bully into your life, then he should certainly be strong enough to get the wife to leave you guys alone, so i don't buy that for a minute, i think he might be encouraging her to think they might get back together for whatever reason. and they just might!

[Meow18]

Seabusqit, I think you know what you need to do. I think you know what you deserve and what you really want for yourself.

 

His parents might still like her. Even after all she did to their son. Parents can get attached to their child's spouse. To them she might still be considered family. If they want her around, who has a right to say it's not ok?

 

And your boyfriend doesn't have control over his ex. He doesnt' have control over what his parents choose. There might be more he could be doing.. but if he really wanted it, he would be doing it.

 

It's not your problem. It probably feels like it is because it is effecting you. This is just what can happen when you date a guy who is so recently separated.

 

I think you need to decide if this is something you can deal with. I don't see anything changing with your boyfriend in the near future.

[Jayar]

He is treating you like a sorry excuse for a rebound. Not only would I kick him out, I'd never speak to him again. And don't be surprised if he DOES end up going back to his wife, as he has in the past. If anything, I figure he's using YOU to get back at HER. In any case, you're just a pawn in this seriously messed up game of his.

 

One of two things will happen; either he'll dump you as soon as things are resolved at home, or he'll keep you going on like this, settling for scraps of his time, respect, and dedication.

[SeaBisquit]

i have thought that too. that he is trying to make her feel bad by living with me because she cheated on him......... and that would make it even between them.

[luvursmile]

You should kick this guy to the curb (literally)

[Mrs Elliott Smith]

If I were you, I'd GO to the family functions. So what if she's there. And screw her if she doesn't like it. You need to put your foot down and let this woman realize that you're going to be with her husband (soon-to-be ex?), whether she likes it or not.

 

Don't let her scare tactics work on you (though it seems they already have). This is what she wants you to do: Back off. Don't let her see that her childishness is paying off or working.

 

And last but not least: NEVER get involved with men who are "going through a divorce," or who are "separated." It's not uncommon for the men to go back to their wives at some point. And some of them will tell you all the things you want to hear so that you begin to believe that "he's truly going to leave her."

[Batya33]

I respectfully disagree. If her presense there would create tension for the wife and/or the children, this could negatively impact the husband and father's relationship with these children. She may be acting in an unfair way, but the children have to come first, especially since they are still married and he wants the best possible custody to result from the impending divorce.

[Bethany]

You're right in the middle of a broken marriage and being used in a game of twisted payback. Ask him to leave.

[BeStrongBeHappy]

i suggest that you do NOT play into their weird game by confronting the wife, especially since the husband himself isn't even setting boundaries for her. that is his job, his wife, NOT yours...

 

if you confront her or bully your way into family gatherings where she is, you could create all kinds of bad feelings and take the blame for problems in their breakup/divorce, and make it harder for the children, who are stressed enough by a separation as it is, and would be a nightmare if their step/mother has confrontations and turf wars with 'another woman' over their father at family gatherings. this is a bad enough drama as it is, so don't worsen it.

 

really, it sounds like your best bet is to withdraw from the relationship and cool it down a notch (by having him move out), until he has resolved his issues with the wife and the divorce. if he truly wants to divorce, then he will, and will keep you in mind if you are more than jsut a rebound romance or vehicle to torture his wife for past infidelity.

 

even bitter divorces can eventually calm down if he is reasonable and mature and they start dealing with each other civilly... if there is any chance at all for this relationship to go the distance, you don't want to set a precedence for years of feuding with his ex-wife over this. she will certainly respect you if you withdraw until they settle things between them, and won't harass you if you don't contribute to the bitterness of the breakup.

[L.J.]

She got paid with her own coin. No much she can do, she cheated on him. You can't get rid of her, they are still legally married. Killing two birds with one stone and he's the master of the game. One winner, two losers.

 

If you flip the board over and sacrifice him as a pawn, you might turn out to be the winner. But first you'll have to call that final move, then call "CHECKMATE !!"

[Rabican]

Sounds like the baggage you have to expect until they are officially divorced and the situation with the kids has been resolved.

 

DOnt expect much to change unless you take a hike.