not sure where to put this topic . . .incest and me

[mysteryman22]

Thank you. You know you both are right, It is time to move on. Its going to be hard but I have to do it. I'll tell you somehting, we were supposed to meet up around her bday, I was all ready, everything was planned, bought her personal gifts. But she did not show. I knew she was with him the night before as she told me this, but that was as "brother and sister" but that day she told me they stayed in a hotel together. Made me sick and angry, I can remember I felt emotionally strained and could not think straight.

 

I still have the gifts, hoping to give her them one day and making her smile.

 

It is time to let go I guess. First step is letting go of the gifts. Was a necklace with her nickname on it and a teddy, I had visions of her having them being happy. I guess all of this is visionary and in my mind

[ImThatGirl]

Sell them, give them to someone else, or throw them in the trash.

 

She is not worthy!

 

Look at ---> It's one thing when a girlfriend has thoughts about another guy. But in this situation, even if you and her were to get together, she's not going to walk away from family. It would be a continuous spiderweb of dishonesty.

 

I can hear it now - her saying "But I have to go to dinner. It's a family dinner!" And then sneaking around behind your back.

 

She is so not worthy. Remember - an illusion.

 

Make a list - here if you'd like. Like this:

 

Advantages of knowing/meeting her-----------------------Disadvantages

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

And I am reaching out here.... If you seriously can't refrain from hopes of a life with her, please seek professional counseling. This is not healthy for you!

[LONESOUL]

I'm sorry you are hurting but I truly believe this to be bad situation for you

to be in. Don't give her the gifts, in fact dispose of them. This woman is in need of some counciling. Better that you hurt now and get through it, then to involve yourself and your heart futher into this unhealthy situation.

Take good care~

Lone

[mysteryman22]

yeah thats all true. I guess first thing is to dispose of the gifts, I mean they are a burden to carry. Then it really is a case of thinking things through, i know advantages and disadvatnages, i did kind of do that but at a time whn I was tooo much in love blindness.

 

I guess if we did meet it would be uncomfortable, especially with him being around, and I know for sure that he is jealous and gets easily wound up if anyone touches her. Guess they both need counciling. I know that, its just hard to accept, hard to accept that the "illusion" has finished. It is partly true, was an illusion but also that I did care and love for her. She was smart, caring and a happy bunny, but now things are different. Time to move on.

 

Thank you for the comments. Been a help. little by little, corner by corner the sun will rise again

[mysteryman22]

Sell them, give them to someone else, or throw them in the trash.

 

She is not worthy!

 

Look at ---> It's one thing when a girlfriend has thoughts about another guy. But in this situation, even if you and her were to get together, she's not going to walk away from family. It would be a continuous spiderweb of dishonesty.

 

I can hear it now - her saying "But I have to go to dinner. It's a family dinner!" And then sneaking around behind your back.

 

She is so not worthy. Remember - an illusion.

 

Make a list - here if you'd like. Like this:

 

Advantages of knowing/meeting her-----------------------Disadvantages

 

I still have not gotten rid of the gifts, going to do that this weekend when I have time alone from family. This is personal and I want to get rid of it . . to finally let go. As for the above, well here it is.

 

Advantages of knowing her:

@ She was someone who I could talk to, to tell anything about anyone or anything,

@ I could be there for her, be her friend in times of need

@ She was fun to be around, someone who I could make laugh and that would listen,

@ She was beautifull physically and inside and although had a erm "different job" that required a different mental attitude meaning being fierce, she was still very loving inside,

@ She was also very warm and cheerful

 

Advantages of meeting her:

@ well it'd calm me down, i could (or would) have been able to touch her etc, see her smile, see how she lived and meet her mates and she meet mine,

@ i owuld be able to catch up with her, but also if they would be together then that wud hurt.

 

Disadvantages of knowing her:

@ Well obviously its emotionally draining on me

@ i Find it difficult to talk to her now that she is with him

@ I always sense and my heart always tells me that I want her, and not having her is torture to me emotionally.

@ She needs help, all this i love u oculd be due to the fact her ex died and she still hasnt gotten over that,

@ she is erm dangerous if crossed

@ Her twin gets angry and very tempermental, almost insane when i talk to her in a way which is me showing my feelings to her

@ she became less erm u know telling me things, less open thats the word yeah she became less open with me which i hated.

@Tried staying friends, was really good at times, had jokes, shared things, but i told her that she couldnt erm talk about stuff with him, she was upset but ok, said friends but no baggage, guess only did that cos she was the one who i could talk to about anything, but then fell into feelings which hurt and was a spiral.

@ nothing could happen now anyway as its over, its been too long, she has probably either moved on with him or is alone and traumatised with what has happned, its finally clicked in her mind what she's been doing so to speak

 

Disadvantages of meeting her:

@ well now, i am engaged (arranged marriage) so its no no

@ well id see her, may get emotional, heart may pound, may become cautious

@ well she is ok when she is nice to people but hard to control when she is angry

@ Her twin may find out

@ Id want to hold her but i know i owuldnt be able to so that would hurt

@ Main thing is, what she seemed like on text could be totally different to what she seems in person, and vice versa, what i seem on text could be totally different in person, u get me?

 

Advantages of going to find her:

@ id be able to see who she is

@ id be able to tell her how i feel

@ id be able to know who she really is

 

DIsadvantages of going to find her:

@ she would be confused

@ she would get annoyed and ask why i found her

@ it would be intruding

@ its not worth the hassle, emotionally

 

Erm sorry i added the last one, its helped to, it is quite suprising to see though, cant believe there are more disadvantages than advantages This has been a good excersise to use, really helped.

 

One thing still is though, i know you've helped me a lot but, i still keep thinking that she is in cars going by me! i know sounds strange, but i know her granparents like live on this road near me and well when i go on that road im like seeing in cars to see if i can recognise her! does that make sense! lol it doesnt happen all the time, im not crazy, far from that, it only happens like 10% of the time, even less. Does any one know why? and how to reduce that happening? She wont be coming back, i dont think.

[Survictor]

Woah... this is totally messed up and sickening.

 

She must be really messed up too! In fact her whole family are messed up!

 

Stay away!

[mysteryman22]

Woah... this is totally messed up and sickening.

 

She must be really messed up too! In fact her whole family are messed up!

 

Stay away!

 

 

Yeah so i hear, but there is a lot more to it than that which I cannot say. I do know that both of them need help but i guess iv done my bit. the rest is up to the god and their souls.

[ImThatGirl]

Hey There~ I placed a few comments in bold above.

 

I know that you see meeting her one time as the solution of getting over her. What you are going through is normal. I guarantee many people on this forum alone have a heart that longs for one thing and a mind that tells them another.

 

I am quite sure that continuing this will disable you from ever finding happiness again. I am certain that her brother will not leave her alone "if" she wanted to get away from him. You couldn't live like that. And, also, I'm quite certain that she is mentally disabled, if she chooses to be with him.

 

Have you ever written her a goodbye letter? Mystery - I guarantee if you let her go, you will feel a huge weight lifted off of your shoulders. Eventually, it will feel like relief. I think writing her a goodbye letter is a good idea. I'm not sure if you should actually send it. But write out all of your thoughts and feelings and say goodbye. Then spend some time alone, praying for guidance and strength. You will find the path to recovery from this......

 

Tell me more about your prearranged marriage? Any chance that you can find happiness with that?

 

Forgot to mention - The advantages that you have to knowing her and meeting her..... I think that you are into the whole idea of falling head over heels in love and living happily ever after. That's what she was for you. You eventually idealized her because you yearned for that and she showed up in your life. Please stay strong! You will get through this!

 

I'll be around if you need anything.

[heaven]

Run for the hills, Sweetie. You seem like a nice guy who deserves to be loved and respected in return. Please just get as far away as possible from this mess!!

 

You are very kind for caring, but this is her life and these are her choices. Apparently she is content where she's at and you cannot change her. This is a seriously screwed up situation, one that is destined to remain ugly and full of sorrow. Please love yourself enough to see the truth here.

 

Many hugs to you.

 

 

ETA: I sure do feel sorry for that poor little baby....

[mysteryman22]

Quote:

have to knowing her and meeting her..... I think that you are into the whole idea of falling head over heels in love and living happily ever after. That's what she was for you. You eventually idealized her because you yearned for that and she showed up in your life. Please stay strong! You will get through this!

 

Yeh i did kind of thnk that. I just though, before everything happened that it would be great, we would have so much fun and be relaxed, I knew that the true relationship wouldnt not be until we met but that didnt and dont think will be happeneing now anyway. There was so much to get past, her brother for starters, then she was scared about what my parents would think and how (if) my family would accept her etc, he played on her feelings so much. nevermind. oh.

 

Anyway, about the arranged marriage, it is a scary thought but I do see something coming from it, i know the lady and I know she is good, safe to be with and trusthworthy i.e. wont be going anywhere. I know a relationship, a true relationship will take time to build but I am willing to work hard at it to keep her happy and to make life generally full. THat it, i just need a relationship, well someone close to be around at the moment. but yeh, i do think something will come of this.

[mysteryman22]

Run for the hills, Sweetie. You seem like a nice guy who deserves to be loved and respected in return. Please just get as far away as possible from this mess!!

 

You are very kind for caring, but this is her life and these are her choices. Apparently she is content where she's at and you cannot change her. This is a seriously screwed up situation, one that is destined to remain ugly and full of sorrow. Please love yourself enough to see the truth here.

 

Many hugs to you.

 

 

ETA: I sure do feel sorry for that poor little baby....

 

So do i . . . so do i I think by now her parents would have found out, and its just so messed up for him. Even if he has been adopted, he finds out later on in life and goes to find his parents! what would he think, he would feel sick. oh sorry the poor thing

 

dont we all wish we could turn back time eh. Guess we have to deal with these things. Good things come to those who wait.

[mysteryman22]

I finally got rid of the gifts that I had for her. Wrapped them up, wrote a letter saying how much I loved for her, how I care for her, how she meant so much, you get the picture. Also said how much she hurt me for him and that I had to let go. I sat under a bridge and let it float away into the river. It did help and did open my mind up. I can't help thinking about her but I know there is light at the end of the tunnel so to speak. Thanks for your help.

[pregnantkitty_1985]

Whoa.

 

To quote my beloved grandmother, "Oh my!"

 

This sounds like something straight out of a V.C. Andrews novel, to be quite honest. Mysterman22, everyone's told you this and I will tell you this again. This girl is highly disturbed and cannot be mentally stable. Expending your energy thinking about this disturbed woman must be very draining. Why would you want to be involved with someone who is having a sexual relationship with their own brother? It sounds very poisonous, you should stay far, far away. You have to break free of these people, if not only to preserve your own integrity but to save your own mental state.

[supernetter]

Leave. The pain will subside over time.

[mysteryman22]

Run for the hills

She is mentally Disturbed.

Hehe.

 

You know I guess most people have been in love some time or another. Actually getting away from someone who you would have done so much for is hard. Yes I am getting back on my feet and looking forward to the arranged marriage, but I think I will always have those memories of what could have been at the back of my head, hidden under all the layers.

 

I still sometimes think "how is she" "is she happy" "should i go and see her, if i do what would happen" but then I know that it will not be worth anything. It is over now and I have to deal with it. Not knowing what is happening is not great but well I know that I am still stuck in the moment where everything was fine. Things have changed since then and it will never be the same again. Thinking if we were together I dont think I could cope, esp since it was her brother and well he would still be around, knowing and looking at them btoh, I would feel sick, still in love but sick. I wouldnt be able to cope with having a sexual relationship with her in case she would be thinking about him and knowing her brother has been "there". I dont know. It is a mess. I wish she gets help, cos I know her, and I know that eventuall, 1 year, 2 year, 10 years she will wake up one morning and think "OMG what have I done". She will break down big time. At the moment since everything has happened she is being manipulated by her twin brother. But hey, life goes on. It was after all her own choice. The end.

[mysteryman22]

Like you say Life goes on. She is not worth the effort and yes it is very draining on me.

 

It is time to be positive, lift up and move on.

[mysteryman22]

well its been some time since I started this thread and things are a lot better. I have taken advice from those who gave it and it has helped. Little by little the sun is starting to shine again in my life.

 

After re-reading this thread I can see how far I have moved on! Not saying that I will totally forget her, she will always be in my mind but as time is going by the feelings are residing. I know that a part of me will always love her to the day I day and would want to meet her for one time but I also know that she will still be with him and more hurt and suffering will come. She's probably happy as she is, probably got 2 more kids with him too

 

Anyway, I am looking to move on - getting arranged married next year and thats something to look forward to.

 

Like you say ... after re-reading this its really helped. So thank you.