should i go to australia for him?!

[KellyWyndham]

Hi, I have a problem and REEALLY need opinions from unbiased people.

-had a summer job when i was 15 and met an AMAZING guy. we started dating for a few weeks. he was 23.

-i thought he knew my age but i decided not to bring it up just in case.

-one day he became cold towards me and basically broke up with me because he'd found out i was 15 and said i was too young.

-i was heartbroken and became obsessive about him.

i always tried to get my lunch break with him

i wrote hundreds of poems to/about him (which i never gave him thankgod)

i cried over him everynight

i found out where he was going one night and dragged my friends there hoping to prove how mature i was. ended up getting embarrassingly drunk and when he left i tried to physically stop him. ended up shouting his name outside his flat until he woke up, came out and paid for my taxi home. HOW HUMILIATING.

-wen he eventually left and went back to australia i thought i'd never see him again but it took me about a year to stop obsessing.

-this week i found him on myspace (an internet site for friends over the world), found out where he lives and what he's upto. now i'm obsessing again as i truly believe hes my soulmate. i look at his page like 4 times a day.

-now i'm determined to go to australia next year just so i can bump into him and hope he can fall for me again and so i can mend the damage i did before.

 

i know this is stalkerish behaviour but i can't help it - i love him and always have. i can see myself marrying him! if i don't go i'm sure i'll regret it.

do you think i should go just to see if he is my soulmate and so i don't have any regrets?

or do you think i'ts ridiculous..be honest!

has anyone felt this way about someone before? it's a first for me but my obsessing is scaring me and it hurts

[BornToResist]

NO WAY!!!

 

Do NOT go. You are not invited, you might feel like you love him, but honestly, from the outside, this is screaming "STALKER."

 

There is absolutely nothing productive that can come from this.

 

Maybe you should tell your parents about how you're feeling and they can help you get some sort of help. I'm not saying you are mental case or anything, I just think there might be some issues you need to definently need to deal with.

[laboheme]

No, please don't go. Imagine that you do run into him, he thinks you've taken things too far, issues a restraining order (worst case scenario here)...Then you'll be stranded on a different continent, all alone at a young age. Not a pretty situation.

 

If you're convinced that something is meant to happen between the two of you, why not contact him over myspace? You have the rest of your life to make rash decisions, and right now I think you should really look at what you might be getting yourself into if you make such a major move for somebody who might not even acknowledge your presense...

[Mr Mister1]

If you really want to have anything to do with him try sending him a message on myspace or something. Moving all the way to the otherside of the world in the hopes of bumping into someone is highly risky. What do you do if you see him and he's with someone else? Or doesn't want to know you?

 

Moving is a big enough step when both parties love each other and want things to work out, but under this sort of situation you'll just end up hurting yourself.

[what do i do]

No, absolutly not, you can not go he will think you are crazy and you don't want that. You are too young to be thinking about marriage now, have fun date boys your own age. Guys are very complex, if you go and it does not work out the way you are thinking it will, you will be devasted. Don't do it to yourself.

[annie24]

honestly... no. don't go. I mean, you should go to austrialia, I am planning on it, it is a beautiful country. but big, really really big. it's a continent! how will you *run* into him?

 

yeah... that is stalkerish. it seems like you tried to make the relationship work, but it didn't, but you gave it a shot. so, just find peace with that and let him go. try to meet some guys in your area.

[Relationship Coach]

Don't disgrace yourself anymore. If this guy wants you, let him find you!

 

RC

[PrincessJOA]

 

i know this is stalkerish behaviour but i can't help it - i love him and always have. i can see myself marrying him! if i don't go i'm sure i'll regret it.

do you think i should go just to see if he is my soulmate and so i don't have any regrets?

or do you think i'ts ridiculous..be honest!

has anyone felt this way about someone before? it's a first for me but my obsessing is scaring me and it hurts

 

Its downright ridiculous..he's 25..how old are you? and where do you live? and where does he live? Hon, you're just obsessed over him because things did not turn out the way you wanted it and you're not satisfied. I do apologize if I sound offensive but you are just..only.... what? 16?17? 25 is commitment, even though you may say he's your soulmate now, in 2 years time or maybe 1 , he's just some 'older guy' you thought you were in love with because he was mature, a real man bla bla bla... you're gorgeous and you wouldnt want to gain yourself a bad reputation by appearing as a stalker. oh yeah... oz is a really nice country mate

[caro33]

Completely agree with the above posters, no way please don't do this.

 

The whole bumping into someone in another country aspect needs to be addressed also. You WILL need to stalk him to achieve this - this country is enormous and the cities are large. If you are judging Australia based on Summer Bay or Ramsay Street you need to change your perspective. What state and city/town are we talking about, I can provide more info here if you want.

 

If you make this move for the reason to bump into this guy, be under no illusions. It is not romantic, it is not karma or fate or anything magical, it is obsessive stalking and it will not bring you happiness. It will be expensive financially, and to your self-esteem. It will stop you from achieving the things you should have achieved over that key time.

[KellyWyndham]

i no whereabouts he lives in oz and which places he goes to so it shud be easy to find him. i've received a clear message from this thread and appreciate the advice.

but i can't stop thinking about him and i'm sure he'll fall for me again if he sees me. he liked me enough to ask me out 2 years ago so surely there's an attraction? my feelings for him are too intense to ignore and there's only one way to resolve this.

i'll look my best and act like he's been the last thing on my mind. if he sees me and responds badly then i'll go and know that there's nothing i can do. i'm not 15 anymore - i know my drinking limits and won't be caught standing outside his house like last time.

my best friends coming with me (as weird as she thinks this is) for the sole purpose of stopping me doing anything i'll regret. then again, i cant leave for another 6 months so maybe by then i'll have changed my mind.

thankyou

[Relationship Coach]

he liked me enough to ask me out 2 years ago so surely there's an attraction?

 

2 years ago Britney was totally in love with K-Fed...things change. I'd give this some more thought and consider he has moved on with his life. Why hasn't he tried to contact you?

 

RC

[RayKay]

Um, no, do not go.

 

Sure he asked you out a couple years ago, but then he also ended it. Maybe partly age which was justified in my opinion, maybe partly for other reasons and I am sure the behaviour after the break up did not endear him to you.

 

A LOT can change in two years. Just because he was attracted to you before does not mean he is interested now, or that he is not with someone else, or seeing someone else and so on.

 

Yes, it is VERY stalkerish to think of doing this, and I would not be turned on at all.

 

As for the part of "soulmates", well, if you do believe that, don't you think true soulmates would both share the SAME opinion?

[Batya33]

If he were your soulmate you would not have to go to Australia to track him down based on a myspace profile. This is not about you caring for him - this is all about you thinking only of yourself and what you want. If you gave any thought to what he wants - which seems to be space from you - you would respect and honor his decision.

 

Try and focus all this energy to something worthwhile - like keeping up your grades and finding some good extracurricular activities to get involved with.

[annie24]

I think you should take the thousands of pounds it would take to fund your trip to australia, and put it into a new waredrobe or hobby or whatever. you have more of a chance of meeting someone new who is into you. you are very pretty and have a lot to offer.

 

2 years? yeah, he probably doesn't feel the same way. even if he is still attracted, men don't start relationships with every woman they are attracted to. heck, sometimes, I like a person, but don't like them 2 days later, much less, 2 years!

[KellyWyndham]

i just dont know what to do. in my mind it seemed simple: go to australia, find out where he's going that night and bump into him. then he'd obviously fall in love with me from there. but with the cost of the flights and everything else i'm wondering if i've gone mad.

 

am i willing to pay so much for the chance of him maybe liking me again? or maybe even hating me..

 

i know i should let him go but i can't. i think about him so much, it feels like he's the one i'm meant to be with, like it was written in the stars for us and he just doesn't know it yet. like i'd be letting myself down if i didn't go over.

 

i've never loved anyone before but i'm sure i love him. how can i get over him once and for all, and just make peace with what we had? i want to move on but it's like i physically can't.

[annie24]

i just dont know what to do. in my mind it seemed simple: go to australia, find out where he's going that night and bump into him. then he'd obviously fall in love with me from there. but with the cost of the flights and everything else i'm wondering if i've gone mad.

 

ermm..... LOL. I don't think he'll just see you and fall in love with you again. I mean, you are very pretty and all, and probably a great young woman, but expecting him to fall in love with you .... that probably won't happen. In reality, he will probably get freaked out that you "happened" to run into him in a place as huge as australia.

 

well... if it meant to be, it will happen. You know, when I was 18 I met I guy that I swore I was meant to be with. I spent years fawning over him, and didn't get over him for a long time after our breakup. I guess I didn't understand at the time that if he wasn't chasing me, trying to find me,etc..... why was I doing that to him? Even after he broke up with me, I never gave up hope. It wasn't until a few years later that he did something really crappy to me that I saw his true colors.

 

He is not the only guy out there, and the guy you are meant to be with won't break up with you and run away from you without even telling you where he is.

 

It can take a while to get over someone you really liked. But I recommend you keep going out with your friends, meeting new guys, etc.... I bet there are a ton of guys in london that would like to get to know you.