What Should I Do?

[rachel1256]

I met up with my ex of about 4 years ago about 3 months ago. we both just got out of relationships that could have been better. He was with his girlfriend of 5 years before he finally kicked her out 4 months ago. She was holding back emotions, sex, and just treating him horribly for the last few months of their relationship. After he kicked her out though, he tried to win her back and apologize, but she already moved in with another guy.

 

I wasn't in the place to start to date anyways, so we both agreed (mostly my enforcing it) we weren't ready to date each other, or anyone else for that matter. We'd been hooking up strictly to mend our broken hearts (mostly true in his case) and to hook up.

 

We had fun together, and this has been going on for about 2 months. He's always called me or got in touch with me at least 2-3 times a week. Last week, it got less and less. This week, I text him on Mon to see what he's up to, and he doesn't get back to me for about 2 hours. He texts me back that he's beat (he worked from Saturday straight to Tues) and said he'd shower to see if he felt better. I texd him back not to worry, some other time, and he didn't text me back.

 

Do you think his ex came back after 4 months? He said he'd never take her back, but he took her back the last time we dated, that's why we broke up. This was totally a casual thing, but I don't want to contact him again if his ex may be back. He hasn't been calling anymore. What do you all think? Just to note, he isn't the happiest man in the world, he has many issues, but I was seeing him mainly as a way to mend my broken heart. (bad idea, i know)

[Beec]

I don't think what you've been doing is the smartest thing in the world and part of me thinks you are showing some emotional attachment to this man, regardless of why and how you began seeing each other. Under such circumstances, if you began showing an emotional attachment, I could see the guy wanting to end it.

 

I think inthis case, leave him alone until the beginning of next week, then check to see how he is, if you speak to him, end the conversation quickly, seeming like you don't want to see or talk to him more.

[rachel1256]

To be honest, it's probably a wrong idea to even see him again for many reasons, but it was fun at the time to have company, spend time with someone familiar, etc...

Yea, I care about him, but I think he was the one that was getting more "attached" than me. I never asked him about other girls, but he would ask me about other guys. He would say things like "oh, did you just come from your other guys house?" We both knew we weren't in a place to ask those questions, but he would.

 

I really miss his company, and the fun we had. I don't want to interfere with anything (ie: his ex came back) but I hope I didn't do anything to make him draw back. Maybe he felt that I was seeing someone else too, and he didn't like that. I don't know, but I guess like you said, I'll just call him next week if I don't hear from him. I can only imagine he may be talking to his ex again

[bighair]

Hi,

 

I too was wondering if you're developed feelings for this guy. Why else would you care that he wasn't calling you back right away? Personally, I don't think it's the healthiest thing to do...hooking up because you're both on the rebound. I say this because women tend to attach more easily than men. I think it's harder for us to say it's just a good time, we hook for the sake of hooking up...Men, in my opinion, are better at compartmentalizing their emotions and are thereforeeee able to separate a good time from an emotional commitment.

 

So, I advise you to reassess your feelings for this guy. Are you truly able to continue on to have a good time? If that's the case, then you don't have any claim to this guy. He doesn't have to call you back. If you feel more for him, than you have to decide if he can reciprocate those feelings since he seems to be on the rebound as well.

 

Good luck.

[rachel1256]

I guess I was starting to feel a little attachment to him, that's why I care now.

It was more of having someone around who I knew before, and we were already comfortable with each other. He left me again to go back to his ex, and he may have done that again this time.

I just felt that his ex would never be a threat this time because she hadn't contacted him in 4 months, he was getting over her, and it seemed like whatever happened with us had some time. Maybe I was wrong.

 

It sounds like the best thing for me would be to just remove myself completely from this situation. Im so tempted to give him a call, but I dont want him to think I'm desperate. Is it safe to say he's not interested anymore, or his ex came back maybe??

[rachel1256]

He still hasn't called me.

 

Should I give up, or call him once tomorrow just to say hello. I don't want to act desperate, and I'm not, I guess I really was enjoying his company more than I thought.

Thanks

[Batya33]

Why not ask him? If you were comfortable enough with him to be intimate why not call and just confirm his interest level? The arrangement was casual anyway so it really doesn't matter who calls who, right?

[tara3720]

Sounds like he got back with his ex girlfriend. I'm not sure here, but you may want to wait till he calls to avoid being hurt

[rachel1256]

I have no clue. Yes, we were comfortable being intimate, but I feel we were both in a way using each other to mend our broken hearts and relationships.

The last time I left his place, he seemed really down, and it may be because when I come over, we talk too much about our ex's. That got us both depressed. =)

He used to always call me though, at least 3 times a week, and now, NOTHING. I'm just not sure if waiting would be best, or if I should just assume he's talking to his ex again and leave it be.

I don't want to get hurt, since I'll be honest and say that even though I said I didn't want anything else, I was starting to like him again.

[Batya33]

Yes - and this is the trade off with a casual fling. I'm sorry you are feeling this way. Given your last post I would just interpret silence as closure.