Strip Clubs- Cheating or Not?

[BellaDonna]

It's the fact she's so concrete on the idea that it's wrong, and immoral. More so, I just hate the fact that I'm being told I'm forbidden from doing something.

 

 

She's not telling you that you can't go- what she's saying that she chooses not to be with men who go to strip clubs. She won't tolerate it and she'll leave you. That's her choice, to leave, just like it's your choice to go. Honestly, I can't say I blame her. While I don't come out and tell my husband what he can or can't do- if he were the type to go to strip clubs to begin with (even occasionally) I would have never even considered being in a serious relationship, let alone dating him. It's just a standard that some people have. For me it never had anything to do with my self-confidence or my sexuality- for me it's all about taste and respect. I just don't have time for it and can't be bothered. Either the guy agrees or he walks.

 

The 2 of you are just not compatible about this issue. Both of you can't expect to change the other's views.

 

Someone who is going to a strip club just because he needs to see women and pay them is far different than someone is going for someone's birthday or bachelor party or something to that extent.

 

I agree. The one time my husband has been was for his brother's bachelor party in which he was the best man. I would never give him grief over that- thatt's his brother, and that's the kind of party his brother wanted. As for my husband's own bachelor party- he had no interest in strippers being there and had it at a billards club instead. I did not even try to influence that at all either.

 

We've been to a trip club together once too- When we were on St. Catherine's Street in Montreal- it's essentuially part of the tourism in the area. We went to one that is supposedly very famous, but it was lame and even more degrading than I had imagined. It's just not our thing. I would never date a guy that had "a thing" for strip clubs in general.

 

BellaDonna

[TiredMan]

Then you have no right to criticize women that go to strip clubs after their BF's have, it's the same thing. It's the intent of doing it is just to be spiteful. How is that any better? If anything its childish and a passive aggressive act trying to subvert the relationship.

 

The reason is what I was talking about. If the intention is payback, it's not the same as just going for the sake of going.

 

If I went to a strip club, I would have no problem if my g/f or wife went to one unless she was only doing it to "get back at me". The spitefulness would be what I would disapprove of. If I went to a bachelor party strip club thing, and she wanted to go to a bachelorette party one, I wouldn't have any problem with it.

[iamteddybearfeelmecuddle]

But his intention in going was not to "hurt her" or "get even with her". I can't believe some people can't tell the difference.

 

If it was not her intent, she would have gone to one at some point in her lifetime before this.

 

IMO, it's not enough to just devote your life to someone to doesn't go out of his way to hurt you; much better to be with someone who goes out of his way to make sure he doesn't hurt you, even inadvertently.

[CarnelianButterfly]

The reason is what I was talking about. If the intention is payback, it's not the same as just going for the sake of going.

 

If I went to a strip club, I would have no problem if my g/f or wife went to one unless she was only doing it to "get back at me". The spitefulness would be what I would disapprove of. If I went to a bachelor party strip club thing, and she wanted to go to a bachelorette party one, I wouldn't have any problem with it.

You don't have to go to bachelor parties at strip club, my friend had her's at a strip club and I didn't go because I didn't want to go to a stip club.

[mba1]

rodeo rider --- you are so right on !!!

 

sometimes things need to be broken down in elementary ways for people to conceptualize things, sad but true !

[TiredMan]

IMO, it's not enough to just devote your life to someone to doesn't go out of his way to hurt you; much better to be with someone who goes out of his way to make sure he doesn't hurt you, even inadvertently.

 

But there is clear difference when it comes to intent.

[TiredMan]

You don't have to go to bachelor parties at strip club, my friend had her's at a strip club and I didn't go because I didn't want to go to a stip club.

 

That was your choice. But don't expect everyone else to follow suit.

 

So if I have a friend who is having his there, I'm supposed to tell them all to move it or I won't go? They should drop me as a friend immediately if I do that.

[iamteddybearfeelmecuddle]

But there is clear difference when it comes to intent.

 

True. But if someone knows or even suspects it will hurt their SO and does it anyway, how is that not intentional?

[iamteddybearfeelmecuddle]

That was your choice. But don't expect everyone else to follow suit.

 

So if I have a friend who is having his there, I'm supposed to tell them all to move it or I won't go? They should drop me as a friend immediately if I do that.

 

No, or course you wouldn't ask you're friends to change their plans just to suit you! You would just gracefully bow out.

[TiredMan]

True. But if someone knows or even suspects it will hurt their SO and does it anyway, how is that not intentional?

 

Because that is the person's insecurity.

 

It would be like someone telling their partner, "when you hang out with your friends, it hurts me". There are people who do that too. The person with the insecurity needs to get over it or NOT be with someone.

[iamteddybearfeelmecuddle]

Because that is the person's insecurity.

 

It would be like someone telling their partner, "when you hang out with your friends, it hurts me". There are people who do that too. The person with the insecurity needs to get over it or NOT be with someone.

 

No, asking them not to go to a strip clube is not the same as telling them not to hang out with their friends.

[TiredMan]

No, asking them not to go to a strip clube is not the same as telling them not to hang out with their friends.

 

Depending on the reason, it is the same. If the person is going for his friend's bachelor party, it is NOT the same as if the person likes to spend all weekend there on his own.

[CarnelianButterfly]

That was your choice. But don't expect everyone else to follow suit.

 

So if I have a friend who is having his there, I'm supposed to tell them all to move it or I won't go? They should drop me as a friend immediately if I do that.

I didn't ask them to move the party. I made the choice not to attend. I did not tell my friend it was because it was at the strip club, I just declined the offer to go and took her for a drink later.

[TiredMan]

No, or course you wouldn't ask you're friends to change their plans just to suit you! You would just gracefully bow out.

 

Then I am not much of a friend and they should just not be mine. If I won't go to my friend's bachelor party because it bothers the person I am with, I have serious issues.

 

Now if it was at a whorehouse, that is something else. I would probably go to that TOO without obviously having sex.

[TiredMan]

I didn't ask them to move the party. I made the choice not to attend. I did not tell my friend it was because it was at the strip club, I just declined the offer to go and took her for a drink later.

 

So you basically lied to your friend. Not telling them the reason is lying in my book. Not much of a friend if you ask me. It was a special occasion.

[rodeo-rider]

Tired man I am confused. You say after one strike, and you kick someone to the curb. (I give someone one chance, and then I drop them I think is what you typed.) (I don't know how to do the quote thing, and I am too lazy to figure it out right now) On your last post, you effuse "communication and compromise"?

 

This is a HOT button issue, for sure. A mature, self assured Man or Woman realizes that they can't always have their way. There is a sayng somewhere about a time for putting away childish toys, or something to that effect.

 

I assume that one who has a "one and done" outlook is going to have a very difficult time keeping friends, lovers...Sometimes we need to grow up, share, be honest in order to have a relationship that lasts.

[CarnelianButterfly]

So you basically lied to your friend. Not telling them the reason is lying in my book. Not much of a friend if you ask me. It was a special occasion.

I'm not a lier, I choose to act with class and not make my friend feel guilty for me not going because of the questionable venue. Bachelor parties aren't special when they are debaucheries, it should be a celebration of the coming marriage, not what most people have made them, crass rituals where they act bereft of responsibility because it was their bachelor party. Life doesn't stop because its a particular occasion or party.

[iamteddybearfeelmecuddle]

Bachelor parties aren't special when they are debaucheries, it should be a celebration of the coming marriage, not what most people have made them, crass rituals where they act bereft of responsibility because it was their bachelor party. Life doesn't stop because its a particular occasion or party.

 

I also agree with this.

[TiredMan]

Tired man I am confused. You say after one strike, and you kick someone to the curb. (I give someone one chance, and then I drop them I think is what you typed.) (I don't know how to do the quote thing, and I am too lazy to figure it out right now) On your last post, you effuse "communication and compromise"?

 

This is a HOT button issue, for sure. A mature, self assured Man or Woman realizes that they can't always have their way. There is a sayng somewhere about a time for putting away childish toys, or something to that effect.

 

I assume that one who has a "one and done" outlook is going to have a very difficult time keeping friends, lovers...Sometimes we need to grow up, share, be honest in order to have a relationship that lasts.

 

What I said is I give them one chance, meaning I'll forgive almost anything once. But I also said that in regards to A FRIEND I dropped, not a relationship. Look back. Twisting words around doesn't help your argument sorry.

[TiredMan]

I'm not a lier, I choose to act with class and not make my friend feel guilty for me not going because of the questionable venue. Bachelor parties aren't special when they are debaucheries, it should be a celebration of the coming marriage, not what most people have made them, crass rituals where they act bereft of responsibility because it was their bachelor party. Life doesn't stop because its a particular occasion or party.

 

You lied to your friend by not telling them why. If you are so strong in your decision to avoid a friend's special occasion, why not just tell them?

 

You think they are debaucheries. How many have you gone to? Don't think you are generalizing a bit there?

[CarnelianButterfly]

You lied to your friend by not telling them why. If you are so strong in your decision to avoid a friend's special occasion, why not just tell them?

 

You think they are debaucheries. How many have you gone to? Don't think you are generalizing a bit there?

 

I did not have to give a reason, I said I would not go. No explanation was asked for or given. If it is a lie than I sure you are more than aquatinted with doing the same. I do not need to justify actions to my friends they do not feel the need to get a reason for every thing I do or do not do, nor do I feel the need to give them one, such is the basis of trust. They trust me to know I am capable of my own choices and reasons, that I do not do every thing they chose because of my beliefs or views. My old roommate (a woman) went to strip clubs on several occasions, she invited me to come, but I didn't not join her. She did not feel the need to ask why either.

 

For my birthday one of my male friends decided to do an impromptu strip show in my living room, I covered my face, while he danced down to his whitey tighties. It was his choice to do that, I didn't have to ask him to stop since there were other guys present that insisted he stop.

[TiredMan]

I think when you miss something important, it's courtesy to give your reason. You aren't missing a hangout to watch a movie. It's a bachelor/bachlorette party. Might as well miss a wedding too and not give a reason.

[CarnelianButterfly]

I think when you miss something important, it's courtesy to give your reason. You aren't missing a hangout to watch a movie. It's a bachelor/bachlorette party. Might as well miss a wedding too and not give a reason.

I don't think a wedding is on the same scale as a bachelor party. The bachelor party isn't even important, its the marriage that is really the whole point of the celebration.

[TiredMan]

I don't think a wedding is on the same scale as a bachelor party. The bachelor party isn't even important, its the marriage that is really the whole point of the celebration.

 

It's not the wedding but it's up there. It's not just another night. People travel many many miles for these things. It's like a bridal shower, baby shower, etc.. Not just your usual thing.

[CarnelianButterfly]

It's not the wedding but it's up there. It's not just another night. People travel many many miles for these things. It's like a bridal shower, baby shower, etc.. Not just your usual thing.

 

But they don't have to be at strip clubs either.