Yates33 Posted November 12, 2006 Share Posted November 12, 2006 Before I begin my story, I want everyone to know that I know this girl isn't worth it...but I can't help missing her. I gotta tell you: I've never met this girl in person! My last semester in college I was at a bar and she saw me. She asked her friend if she knew me and her friend said yes. The next day on campus, her friend came up to me and told me about her, she gave me her number. I checked her pics on thefacebook (so I know its really her) and we began talking over the phone. For the next three months all we did was talk on the phone nearly every single day for hours. I got to know her pretty well through this. The problem was that she was very demanding for just talking on the phone. She didn't like me going out much (to bars etc) and wanted us to only speak to each other. I thought to myself that if this girl was this demanding, I had rather meet her quick (even though she lived far away) but all the times we tried to meet it failed...and like an idiot...I kept the "relationship" quote on quote over the phone. We had several attempts to meet (she lives 5 hours away) and EVERYTIME SHE WOULD FLAKE! The biggest flake, and the one this post is about, happened yesterday. I took a $50 dollar bus to Boston, had hotel room booked and she doesn't pick up her phone the whole ride there. She finally texts me when I get there telling me that I AM ON MY OWN AND TO GO BACK AND TAKE A BUS HOME. SHe stood me up! She has stood me up before, but this is without the biggest! She made me go up 5 hours to see her and spend nearly 300 to tell me to go back home! She always said that the reason she flaked was because she was scared to meet me in person and scared that the connection we had over the phone would not translate to something real in person. Does this even sound remotely close to a possible valid reason? I don't know. Since then she has called me private (I know it was her) and hung up. She also sent me an e-mail pretending everything was okay with a beautiful picture of her (kind of like trying to lure me in) telling me she'll call me in the morning. What is this girl pulling? I dont know if this helps in your responses but this girl is BEAUTIFUL, most ofmher friends are males, but she hardly ever goes out (to party), all she does is work and go to school...on top of this she is bipolar. Link to comment
NyGentleman Posted November 12, 2006 Share Posted November 12, 2006 Take it from me when I say this...Trust me Ive been there before...But you have to look at it like this...Beauty is only skin deep, she maybe beautiful but it seems thats all your holding onto....After the bus incident i would have been so pissed that it wouldnt have mattered...it would have been over right than and there....Im sorry that you have to go through this, I know how things get in these situations...its not easy...but if i were you i would get over the whole facebook thing, take her off your friends list and leave it at that.... Believe me the best advice i ever got was this, if someone wants to make a relationship work ... that same person will find a way no matter what to do so..that is if thats what they really want to.... you finding out about the bi-polar thing is a blessing this early on...ive delt with that too and you dont wanna deal with that esp if your not committed to this girl yet, consider this a blessing in discuise and move on...youll be better off I promise.... Link to comment
Lansing Posted November 13, 2006 Share Posted November 13, 2006 I agree with the above poster. You sound like you have made more than enough effort. You have probably built her up a lot in your mind. If you haven't met her in person but have just seen pretty pictures of her and talked to her on the phone you probably have filled in a lot of "blanks" in terms of who she is... She isn't treating you well and the only chance you have of changing things is by walking away.... And, even then, if she started treating you well you should think really HARD if you want to be with her... Link to comment
Yates33 Posted November 13, 2006 Author Share Posted November 13, 2006 I agree with everything you guys said. SHe really isnt worth it. the only thing that bothers me is the bipolar comment. I mean, does this mean everyone with bipolar doesnt deserve someone? Anyway, its so weird...what do you guys think about her claims that the reason she does this is because she is afraid? Link to comment
NyGentleman Posted November 13, 2006 Share Posted November 13, 2006 Could be that she is telling the truth, but what does it matter, relationships sometimes required people taking risks, and chances on one another, by her avoiding you like this, it should send out a clear sign that she doesnt want to try at the least....you did all the leg work, why wouldn't she at least try once...makes no sense...something isnt right there, im kinda going through that as well now only i get to see the girl all the time, when things get strange i think of how beautiful this girl is and it drives me nuts (i start over-analyzing everything that happens) ...but you havent even got to that point, so i would just let it go....if she wants to try down the road by all means...but be sure thats what you want and hopefully by than you will have all the strength and courage you need to deal with that if or when that times comes.....hang in there...you relying on your instinct right now that says she isnt worth it, is dead on...never second guess yourself...its ultimately your life and happiness remember that.... Good luck... Link to comment
Yates33 Posted November 13, 2006 Author Share Posted November 13, 2006 Thanks, I really appreciate all the sound advice. As I type this, I sent her an e-mail telling her I am done with her. She has now called me 30+ times almost in a row both from restricted and her number. I pick up and she will hang up. THen she left me a voicemessage blowing me a kiss. After not being able to sleep, I called her and she picked up, I asked her what she wanted because I was done with her, she said "I didn't call you loser, what do you want?" So I hung up on her and she keeps calling! This girl is nuts! Link to comment
MissyJ Posted November 13, 2006 Share Posted November 13, 2006 You need to get rid dude. She is messing with your head and like you said she is not worth it. You sound like a really lovely guy and you deserve someone who wants to put the same amount of effort in to a relationship as you. Let me know how you get on. x Link to comment
bikjj Posted November 13, 2006 Share Posted November 13, 2006 mmmm the words 'control' and 'manipulation' come to mind. You do seem like a nice guy who made a genuine effort. Remember 'all that glitters is not gold'. She may be pretty but seems to me its mind games city. She is trying to use you to fill a void in her life and try and make herself feel better and indirectly mess u up. She is chasing you now because you have cut the puppet strings. Most people dont realise what they are gonna lose until they lose it. You have gone against her grain of her thinking, and told her 'you are done with her'. she cant handle the rejection coz she thought she had been in control of you - how dare you - hence the millions of phone calls! Be rid of her, its bad news - ive learnt the hard way. I still have nightmares about a bunny in hot boiling water on the stove. Get the hint Link to comment
Yates33 Posted November 13, 2006 Author Share Posted November 13, 2006 This forum is great. I posted on another forum and people just bash you. I really respect and appreciate all the help from the posters on this thread. Thanks alot! I know she kept calling because she thought I would call back and ask her if she called....which I did. You are right on about her realizing that she lost me and I have cut the strings, I think the regrets it now. I am not going back. However, do any of you think if she promises to change, I should give her the chance under my conditions and if I see its the same I leave or should I not even think about it? I am choosing the latter..just doesnt seem worth it with so many girls out there. thanks again guys! Link to comment
Lansing Posted November 13, 2006 Share Posted November 13, 2006 You haven't even met her and there are so many issues/problems! You don't even live in the same city. Seriously, find another girl, despite how hard it might be...... Link to comment
rikka Posted November 14, 2006 Share Posted November 14, 2006 I agree with everything you guys said. SHe really isnt worth it. the only thing that bothers me is the bipolar comment. I mean, does this mean everyone with bipolar doesnt deserve someone? Anyway, its so weird...what do you guys think about her claims that the reason she does this is because she is afraid? Speaking as someone who has bipolar.... hellsyeah we deserve someone, but that doesn't mean that we get to act all "crazy". reading your thread I was wondering if she was diagnosed before I got to the end. yes some of her behaviours are typical of the disease, but that doesn't excuse them (entirely). I think everyone else has it right on, this situation is not worth it and I am glad that you did what was good for you and ended it all. Link to comment
Yates33 Posted November 14, 2006 Author Share Posted November 14, 2006 There is something that I feel sorry for this girl for. I remember her tellng me in the beginning that she was a little sick...like Anemia I think. She keeps backing out whe meeting me but seems to want to rush the relationship when I havent even met her. Something tells me she is hiding something and its the reason she acts this way, I mean...she would do thing like give me her password to her voicemail and email when I didnt want them! why would a girl who is just * * * *ign with me do that? I dont understand. And I realize that I feel sorry for her and its the reason I kept coming back...I dont understand... Link to comment
Yates33 Posted November 15, 2006 Author Share Posted November 15, 2006 Hey guys, I know I know....I keep bring this subject up and I know its wrong...but I cant help missing her. Today she text me saying that she was really sorry and that we dont have to talk again, but that she hopes I can forgive her one day and that she's sorry for not valuing me etc. Then on her AIM, she IMed me saying the same thing, I messaged back once teling her thgat its too late and to not repeat the same mistake with another guy. She said Ok and then put her away message up which read "I miss u" ..I am sure this was direct towards me. after all I have said, could this just be another one of her traps to try and lure me back in? I mean honestly, I am sure she doe smiss me, but I think she wont change..... Link to comment
CyberCowBoy Posted November 16, 2006 Share Posted November 16, 2006 Holy smokes! This reads like some french experamental film, or a gore free horror film. You have so lost perspective. I was reading and not beliving. And I don't mean this in a disrespectful wat but I had to sniker when I first read Gentelman's first comment "I've been there before"... His comment caught me off guard, It reminded me of the movie Naked Gun when Mr. Roark fell off the stadium portal , was crushed by a steam roller. then stomped by a marching band. John Kennedy's cahrater said "m dad went the same way". But then I realized what Gentelman ment by "I've been there, cause I have to. I lost total realistic perspective, became a facilitater for a munipulater and narcasist and became a co-depentant. I was so depressed and missed this girl so much but I knew logicaly like you do that I loved the girl that she could be if you could parse out all her good traits. YOU CANT! You can however get proffessional help, in the form of a relationship specialist or some co-dependent books. Dr Laura in "Ten stupid things men do" talks a good bit at the dmsil in distress. You are there. You are doing yourself no favor, and you are really hurting this girl by sustaing her in a mental condition which needs further professional treatment. No one gets help till they loose everything. I was horrified to hear you were hostage to your own room by a voice on the phone. But believe me, I have had worse things happen to me than the bus trip fiasco and yet I went back for more. I guess all of the advice you get is easier said than done. Maybe enough responses and some a little more blunt than mine might shock you into change. I wish you the best And reread Rkka's post Link to comment
rmpavlock Posted November 16, 2006 Share Posted November 16, 2006 I suppose it could be because she was nervous that it might change things, but seriously, what else are you going to do? Have a phone relationship forever? This girl sounds inconsiderate. You should go out and find someone who won't flake on you. You deserve better! Link to comment
Yates33 Posted November 17, 2006 Author Share Posted November 17, 2006 CyberCowboy, thanks for the blunt advice, really appreciate. Bu I am not at all obsessed by this girl. I have started talking to other girls already and dont contact her...I dont think about her constantly, but I do think about her...I was just wondering if she might possibly be being sincere...I mean, if it was all games for her and she didnt care, why keep trying to get me back somehow? No Doubt, she * * * *ed up big time and she deserve my coldness towards her. Link to comment
Yates33 Posted July 20, 2008 Author Share Posted July 20, 2008 Wow, I bumped this thread because I was curious. This was my first post on this forum...alot has changed and I have realized how ridicoulous that event in my life was! It was bizarre! I have a girlfriend now...a live one I bumped this thread, however, because a few days ago I was looking at my old e-mails searching for an old resume and I saw her old e-mails which where still there and it really got me curious....who really was this girl? She had such a bizarre and weird hold over my life, thoughs and emotions when I never met her....who was she, and was she real? I feel like e-mailing her since I dont have her number anymore...not to reconnect or anything, but to find out some unanswered questions....what do you guys think? Link to comment
orangesoda Posted July 20, 2008 Share Posted July 20, 2008 um no. you managed to get rid of the crazy, why try to find it again? Link to comment
Yates33 Posted July 21, 2008 Author Share Posted July 21, 2008 um no. you managed to get rid of the crazy, why try to find it again? I am not sure. I just feel like there is something missing as weird as it sounds. Link to comment
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