Another Girl?(sorry it's long)

[FallingTooFast]

I've been dating this guy for almost 2 months. I know not long but you know, I love him.

 

We feel the same about eachother, from what I know.

And I have no doubt that he loves me.

 

But lately he says he's tired around 9 or 9:30. When I had heard him talking to his mother a few minutes earlier about him missing a call from "Amanda" (His ex girlfriend)

 

I'm deeply deeply hurt by this. I really don't feel that he's going to cheat on me considering she lives in Arizona or Newyork, one of the places he had previously lived.

 

But then there's the girls here.

 

Last year I dated a guy, "Dre"

I had to pretty much fight my way through everyone to get him. There were a few girls. Rachel, Ryanna, Christina, and a couple others that wanted him as well.

Turns out he was cheating on me with almost all of them, behind my back, for almost the entire time we had gone out.

 

Now I have my baby, who I love to death, and is not a playa like Dre was.

But the problem is the same girls who liked Dre, like my baby.

And these girls stop at nothing to get what they want.

 

I heard today that Christina had taken my babys phone and taken pictures of herself and put them on his phone and on his background.

 

He has, to my knowledge, no intention of leaving me.

I tell him that I'm afraid of him leaving me, but he tells me he never will. He loves me i know that.

 

I'm a jealous person and i know that. But am i wrong?

 

I've been burned before and I know he's not like other guys, but I still have the burn.

 

sorry that this is so long but thats what it took.

 

Ugh if he finds this though. I'll be screwed forever. I Can't lose him

[laboheme]

If you already told him about your concerns, there's not much you can do. Those girls will probably go after any guy that you're dating, and there's no getting rid of them, unfortunately.

 

Has your guy done anything that made you suspicious? How does he react to those girls' advances? For example, did he delete the pictures from his phone? Or does he find it amusing and/or flattering that they like him? If he seems annoyed by their actions, I would just try my best to ignore the other girls...eventually they'll find another guy to fawn over.

[Batya33]

It doesn't matter at all what the other girls do. All that matters is if you trust him. My guess is that over the next 4-6 months you will know if what you believe you love is him, an image of him, or somewhere in between.

[FallingTooFast]

I trust him. It's the girls that I don't trust.

 

He said he was going to sleep at 9:30 last night. But when I just talked to him, almost 5 minutes ago, he said that he went to sleep at 11, and he woke up at 6 this morning from a "friend" calling him. This friend, is his exgirlfriend. And they've been talking a lot lately.

It's just i wish he would tell me so i wouldnt be so paranoid. I hate that he's hiding it from me, like i wouldn't figure it out.

[Batya33]

If you trusted him then it would not matter how many women threw themselves at him - you would trust that he would not react. Think about it.

[FallingTooFast]

I mean I get that. But I don't know. When I'm around him I'm always first.

He continuously says how much I mean to him and that he would give up anything for me.

 

Is it too much to ask for him to tell me that he's talkign to his ex?

[AntiLove_SuperStar]

Get new social circles, sugar.

[FallingTooFast]

you mean dump him?

I can't do that

I love him way too much to do that

[Batya33]

I mean I get that. But I don't know. When I'm around him I'm always first.

He continuously says how much I mean to him and that he would give up anything for me.

 

Is it too much to ask for him to tell me that he's talkign to his ex?

 

It may be - he may feel it's too controlling and if you trusted him why would it matter if and when they talk or what they talk about?

[FallingTooFast]

I talked to him last night and he said he had no feeling whatso ever for his ex, or for anyone for that matter. I believe him.

 

But it's still hard that he wouldn't tell me

[Batya33]

This is just me but I do not tell my boyfriend each and every time I talk with or IM with my ex and he doesn't ask because he trusts me. He knows I am in contact with him and he is not completely thrilled about it which is natural but he does trust me and thereforeeee doesn't feel the need to ask or monitor my comings and goings.

 

I dated someone Summer 2005 who seemed great in the first few weeks. Then the questions started - he thought he was being subtle but it was like being hit with a hammer. He asked me about the large number of business cards in my purse (to try to figure out if they were connected to business development or social/dating), questioned my on line activities (we were not exclusive), questioned my availability to talk by phone if I told him that a certain time at night was better than another time, questioned why I was going to brunch at 2PM because he thought that brunch should be earlier, etc. (i.e. he didn't trust that I was celebrating a girlfriend's birthday with other women). And this all in weeks two through about six (I had enough at that point, distanced myself and ended it about a week later).

 

We discussed this issue several times. He "got it" intellectually but claimed he was afraid of losing me. I told him that his feelings were his feelings but please not to take it out on me. I was turned off by how he was that insecure that he couldn't control those annoying/controlling behaviors.

 

My point-what a great guy, what a catch. Too bad he let his insecurities drive me away and turn me off.

[FallingTooFast]

But see, he didn't tell me that he had contact with her. At least yours told you

 

 

I don't ask about business cards, just her. Because their break-up wasn't too long ago

 

I don't question where he is going or why, im not controlling just paranoid.

 

Thanks for a worse scenario though. made mine seem less.

[Batya33]

But see, he didn't tell me that he had contact with her. At least yours told you

 

 

I don't ask about business cards, just her. Because their break-up wasn't too long ago

 

I don't question where he is going or why, im not controlling just paranoid.

 

Thanks for a worse scenario though. made mine seem less.

 

I was giving examples that are similar to yours if not the same. No one on this forum - and no one really - can help you because you are not willing to evaluate your behavior objectively - you are evaluating it from a position of distrust and fear and that is clouding your judgment.

[FallingTooFast]

I'm saying what my friends have been saying that I know i have trust issues and i know i handle them badly. But I try the hardest i can.