Looking someone up in the phonebook...is it creepy?

[vermilion]

A few friends and I are going to the movies later and maybe out to eat. I've been getting closer to this guy friend of mine lately- we talk a lot in class but haven't exchanged digits. So, I was thinking it'd be fun to have him come with us. He had said a few days ago he really wanted to see the movie (The Prestige) too.

 

He has a really unique last name and I looked him up in the phonebook. There were only ~3 numbers and I'm pretty sure one is his.

 

But I can't bring myself to call it because I'm worried he'll think, "Eeuew, she looked me up? How weird..."

 

I mean, we are friends but still...I keep on wishing I had asked him for his number days ago!

 

I'm also crushing on him- just a little though. I mean, I like him but I really don't care that much whether he likes me or not. But if I call him I'm worried he's going to think,"Wow..she must be obsessed with me or something."

 

Should I just forget it or is it normal for people to look others up? Seems like most only use it to find businesses...not actual people. Thanks!

 

-V

[Honey Pumpkin]

Hmmm - yeah, I probably wouldn't, although I can see why it's the perfect scenario. Have you got any other way of contacting him? Email, MSN??? Friends that know him?

 

I mean, it's not that weird or anything - but I know exactly where you're coming from. Maybe you could not ask him this evening, and tell him on Monday that you wanted to ask him along, but weren't prepared to call every [his surname] in the book (even though he's got a rare name etc), and then see if he gives you his phone number.

 

Good luck!

[rose2summer]

I wouldn't call either, it looks a little much, and he might be turned off by it.

 

A phone number is more private than email, so having it would come off as potentially strange to him.

 

Try to get his number from him soon if you can instead, and just invite him out next time you go out.

 

If you do call, he may just think you are trying too hard.

 

Hugs, Rose

[Scout]

This is an interesting question! It seems the way things are "today," we typically wait until we give someone the heads up first that we'd like to call them sometime.

 

But, personally, if I was really interested in someone anyway, and they did this...I'd be flattered they made the effort.

 

And it's not like his number is unlisted and you got it through persistent checking. It's right there in the phone book.

 

You know what? I say go for it! You could always say, "Hey, I apologize for calling out of the blue, but my friends and I are going to see The Prestige, and I immediately remembered you mentioning this movie. Wanna come with us? I know this is sort of a last minute and unexpected invitation, and you might have plans already."

[Batya33]

I think it's fine. In the olden days (1985!) I met a friend for dinner and she brought along her friend and his brother, D. We met accross the street from where I then worked. I told them where I worked. D and I got along great, were a little flirty but I didn't pay attention to the "signs" because I had a terrible cold and felt gross even being out in public.

 

Two days later, D called me at work - he didn't know my last name, just looked up the place and called. I had totally forgotten about meeting him because I was so busy, sick and even back then if a guy didn't ask me for his number he sort of shifted off my radar. I was VERY surprised he went to those lengths but also VERY flattered. We dated for the better part of a year - lovely guy.

[vermilion]

Ah! I can't decide!

 

I really wish I had asked for his number....

 

I'm thinking maybe it is better to wait until another time...don't want to creep him out and he never talks to me again....

 

It's just that it would've been cool to have him come along with us

[annie24]

do you have a friend who knows his number? you can call her and ask for it!

 

i've done that once to a guy - looked up his number, and he told our mutual friend that he got really creeped out. but then again, I was 12 and he was 15, so maybe things have changed since then, LOL.

 

so, i'd almost lean against it because of that experience....but, I don't know how this guy will react. if his number is listed, then maybe it isn't a big deal???

[Hope75]

I agree with Scout-

 

I think I'd be flattered if someone took that effort, esp. since it seems as though he has been sending you signals that he may be interested. As long as you leave him that out:

 

"Hey, I apologize for calling out of the blue, but my friends and I are going to see The Prestige, and I immediately remembered you mentioning this movie. Wanna come with us? I know this is sort of a last minute and unexpected invitation, and you might have plans already."

 

and, if he takes it, don't continue to call and harass him- I think it would be fine.

[shes2smart]

Getting an unlisted/unpublished number isn't difficult or expensive. If he doesn't have one, then he has to expect that people might be very likely to look him up in a phone book and call him. After all, that's what the phone book is for.

 

It'd be creepy if he had an unlisted/unpublished number.

 

But if it's him in the phone book, I agree with Scout. Someone's got to make the effort to get the ball rolling if anything's going to happen...and you've got a great "excuse" (a movie he wants to go see).

[krissbrown]

It looks very very desperate. He will know that you are 100% into him and crushing on him, do you really want him to know that?

 

I would get the # the normal way, or try and find him on myspace, friendster, etc.

[Honey Pumpkin]

Came back to see the advice (I'm so nosey) - I can't make up my mind on this one! I agree with everyone, I don't think it's awful to call him or anything.

 

But as you're seeing him at school on Monday, I would use this dilemma to tell him about how you wanted him to come, and then arrange another movie night next Saturday!

[Hope75]

so,

 

What did you end up doing?

 

C'mon, don't leave us all hanging!

[vermilion]

Nah, I didn't call him. I guess I'll just get his number Monday. It would have been a lot more fun if he had come.

 

Prestige is a really great movie by the way.

 

It looks very very desperate. He will know that you are 100% into him and crushing on him, do you really want him to know that?

 

I would get the # the normal way, or try and find him on myspace, friendster, etc.

 

Uh...you obviously didn't read my post. The issue is not GETTING the phone # And I'm not even all that into him, just thought it would be fun for him to come.

[annie24]

ok, well, just get his number on monday and invite him the next time you go out!

 

take care!

[sparkly]

no it's not creepy. i did it all of the time in high school. I never actuallly called the guy,although i did go to a few times. Thank god coz i really would have looked like a creep to them. Let him come after you,coz you're worth it.

[Abby]

Isn't that what phonebooks are for? And if he is listed, then why is he listed if he doesn't want someone calling him?

 

Give him a ring!

[mysticdreamer]

interesting. Well, I had that done to me before. A friend of mine invited me to her party, but forgot to ask for my number. She then looked in the phone book for my number, and called me. There was another time where this boy had looked through the phone book for my number so then he could tell me that he have feelings for me. Personally I didn't found it creepy, but I'm quite easy going. If this person seem layed back, I'm sure he wouldn't be turned off about it. He could very well be flattered. The choice is yours.

[snosie]

Wow what a strange reaction! I am a big fan of a phone book - you put your details there, I am going to use them to surprise you! That way you aren't expecting a birthday card, or a call! And I don't think it is rude, we all have a choice to list or not! And I wish people would look it up too! I hate forever giving out a home number i seldom use. I have done it twice I think, and both times it was appreciated, so GO FOR IT I say