My GF feels overweight...how do I deal?

[methodman]

So I've been with my GF for two and a half years. I love her very much and have always been a great support for her. Over the time that I have met her, she has slowly gained weith, but not to a point where she looks terribly overweight, but I know that she would look great if she lost a few pounds.

 

The thing is, she knows this to and would love to lose the weight. She is trying, I have to give her that. She wakes up early most days to exercise and eats better than she has...she just has major trouble saying no to sweet things.

 

I am pretty health, have a good physique and work out regularly. I also eat pretty well.

 

The problem I'm having is when she gets up to get dressed in the mornings, she always complains about how nothing fits her and she needs to lose weight and she's too fat. I always listen to her and tell her how I think she looks great and she just needs to keep doing what she's doing. I know she can do better though. I am always supportive of her and never tell her what she must do.

 

However, this morning, one thing led to another and I said to her that she need to be more strict on herself and say no to all the junk food. She got very upset with me and started screaming at me telling me that I don't understand, which I agree with, because I'm not in her shoes.

 

She kept saying that it's too hard and it's tough. I told her that she needs to change her mindset and her attitude and stop telling herself that it's so hard.

 

I don't like to preach to her, but I hear this every morning from her. I don't know what to do to help her and be supportive and not sound like I'm bossing her around.

 

I love her and I think she is absolutely beautiful, I really, really do , no matter how she looks. But I also want her to take care of herself and not be so hard on herself also.

 

Any advice?

[rocio]

I'm going through this right now. I always call my baby-daddy and say "I'm so faaaatttt".

 

But if he turned around and told me that I had to say no to junk food and change my attitude, he would probably have a couple less limbs after that!

 

That's the last thing she needs to hear. Basically, there's not much for you to do. You can't help her lose weight, and by trying you will just hurt her feelings. That will make her feel even less sexy, especially in front of you. Keep on reassuring her that she is beautiful and doing a great job.

[Daligal83]

Maybe you should try participating in her new lifestyle with her. Cook healthy meals together. Buy foods that might satisfy her craving for sweets, but aren't as bad for her (like fruit). Workout with her. Having someone to do this with you provides motivation and support, plus you wouldn't be coming off as lecturing her.

[methodman]

You're right and I guess I knew that...that's why i have'nt ever said that to her.

 

I guess I kinda just snapped today.

 

I haven't spoken to her since the incident. What do you think I should say to her when I speak to her? Should I just tell her I'm sorry and that I still think she's beautiful or should I just keep my mouth shut?

[Scout]

Friend, I wish I did have some advice for you on this one. Since she's obviously upset about her weight and talks about it so much, you naturally can't help but say something.

 

And I agree with you that a healthy way of living is important. She may not like it, but at least you are encouraging her to do things that are ultimately better for her health.

 

The one thing I will point out is that if she really does keep up the exercise on a consistent basis, the weight will drop. It will be slower than if she exercises AND gives up junk food, but it will happen. Also, the more she exercises, the more her body will crave healthier food.

 

It's hard to overcome sugar addictions. Harder than quitting cigarettes, in my opinion.

[Scout]

I'm going through this right now. I always call my baby-daddy and say "I'm so faaaatttt".

 

But if he turned around and told me that I had to say no to junk food and change my attitude, he would probably have a couple less limbs after that!

 

That's the last thing she needs to hear.

 

While I see your point, perhaps he's getting tired of hearing her say she's fat all the time.

 

My boyfriend complains about his job a lot. Most of the time I just murmer in sympathy, but after a while, I can't help but just get impatient and say, "Find another one, then!"

[rocio]

I would buy her a piece of her favorite cake. And say, "The reason I snapped at you was because it hurts me when I hear you saying that you aren't comfortable with your body because, to me, you are so completely beautiful."

[Mavis VDSande]

Hiyah,

 

As a woman I know how horrible it is to feel like your clothes are too tight. Despite what you may be saying "you love her etc", this is true, but she may not feel that it is, given today's image-obssessed society.

 

Also if you don't exercise on a regular basis anyway, the thought of it can be really off-putting and depressing! Perhaps you could suggest going "healthy" together for a while or mention that you've noticed how healthy she's been and you want to join in too as her efforts so far and making you realise how important it is to keep fit too. So you cut out all junk food in the house and get with a good regime and eat together, healthily.

 

Then perhaps exercise together, and after she has, say how great she's looking and how you're proud that she's being fit and healthy. When she has "down" days and doesn't want to exercise, do something with her that's light exercise like suggest going for an hour walk and chatting. You burn loads of cals walking for an hr! Make it sound less like exercise, and more like spending time with each other. She'll want to join in if you are too.

 

The main thing is not not make it her problem, be healthy together! If she says "it's ok you're fit already, why do you need to join me", say she's inspiring you!

 

My older sister is overweight and it's really hard for me to see that her husband does NOTHING. When she tries to be healthy, he complains that he needs junk in the house. When I ask her to exercise, she points at me and says that I don't understand her and that I've always been thin and I like exerise but she doesn't.

 

I don't think her attitude is because she can't do it and won't do it. I think it's that she feels alone and would happily do it if her husband was more supportive and joined in with her mission to lose weight.

 

Other than that, is your gf happy? Gaining weight can sometimes hint that unhappiness.

 

Hope this helps!

 

MvdS x

[methodman]

I know that I am doing my best to encourage her. We do make meals together and I'm the one that helps her with her workouts in the morning. I think what got me upset this morning is that she said she wanted to go shopping for clothes that will now fit her as that would make her feel more comfortable.

 

In some way, I feel like that is a cop out! It just makes it easier for her not to lose the weight and I think it's crazy to go spend money on clothed for that reason. But then again, I'm looking it form my perspective and maybe she just needs that to feel comfortable for now while she is trying to lose the weight.

 

Anyway, this morning ended pretty badly and we didn't leave eachother on the best of terms. I hate it when that happens!

[Mavis VDSande]

I wouldn't buy her cake! We attach sugary foods with emotions too much. Apologise and make her feel good without dratted food products!!! She is trying to loose weight! ;p

[rocio]

Okay, how overweight is she? It sounds like she's leading a healthy lifestyle. Do you know her bmi? If it is within a healthy range, then there's nothing wrong with her picking up a few new items to flatter her new shape.

[rocio]

I wouldn't buy her cake! We attach sugary foods with emotions too much. Apologise and make her feel good without dratted food products!!! She is trying to loose weight! ;p

 

One piece of cake isn't going to push her over the edge. And I think their relationship, and her hurt feelings, are worth more than a couple hundred calories.

[Scout]

Yes, I don't suggest buying her the cake, either. It will send mixed messages, and she might even take it as a veiled insult, or something, if you give her a piece of cake.

 

I'm sorry you two are having difficulties with this issue, I know it's a sticky one. But all you can do is tell your girlfriend you love her, but that doesn't mean you can't stop yourself from being honest if she asks your opinion on things. And that if you didn't love her, you would not even care that this whole issue upsets her so much. That OUT OF LOVE you are trying to help her overcome her unhappiness with her weight by encouraging her to do the healthy things needed.

 

If she says you should love her no matter what, then tell her in that case, she should love you even if she doesn't like it that yes, you're agreeing she needs to live a healthier lifestyle.

 

Now, one thing I would point out...if you make it sound like she can't EVER have any sweets, you are effectively making them appear more desirable. There's nothing wrong with indulging in a treat once or twice a week if the rest of the time you are eating healthy. I used to date a guy that was extremely conscious of everything he ate. One time, we went hiking for several hours. When we got back, I had ONE brownie, and he said I'd just undone all the exercise I did from hiking. That's taking things to the completely opposite extreme. So, don't go there either.

[laboheme]

Instead of cake, why don't you go with flowers or something else that's neutral? While I agree that one piece of cake won't really matter as far as calories, it would amount to you encouraging her to rely on junk food for comfort...and she may actually see it as you making fun of her!

[methodman]

She is probably 10 to 15 pounds overweight!! I think she looks great and really sexy, but I know she is very uncomfortable with how she looks! It's naot that she eats terribly, it's just that she'll eat great all day and then like end the day off with a piece of chocolate cake and then I think to myself, what's the point, by doing that, you just undid your whole day of eating healthy! I never say that though, because I just want her to be happy.

 

There are times when I put my foot down and say no to her. I just wish that she could remember how she feels when getting dressed in the morning just before she orders that dessert!

[lost_status]

Hey!

 

This has happened with me and my ex.. When I saw my ex a few weeks ago he told me Ive gone fatter and you know what I wanted to do? I wanted to grab a crowbar and demolish his most loved car!

 

No matter how many times a girl says I feel fat etc NEVER agree.

 

But you seem to have the right idea of how to deal with it, maybe you two can go to the gym together or go out for evening jogs? It can increase bonding between you too as well as keep you both fit!

 

Have fun!

[CarnelianButterfly]

In some way, I feel like that is a cop out! It just makes it easier for her not to lose the weight and I think it's crazy to go spend money on clothed for that reason. But then again, I'm looking it form my perspective and maybe she just needs that to feel comfortable for now while she is trying to lose the weight.

I don't think its a cop out. I think that might be good for her to have clothing she feels comfortable in. When she gets dressed in the morning she's unhappy because she has to feel fat in that outfit all day. Thats depressing and being depressed about something can make things even harder because depression often leads to apathy and self pity and doubt. If you help her find new clothing, just a few things that are better fitted will help. She might even get a little kick in the pants from it, that will make it easier to say no to the sweets.

[lost_status]

I should add, let her eat junk food but suggest she eats half today and half in a few days. It wont put pressure on her and she can still eat what she wants!

 

Cut down, dont eliminate! It always works!

 

Its the best thing you could do as a boyfriend.

 

Good luck!

[Scout]

She is probably 10 to 15 pounds overweight!! I think she looks great and really sexy, but I know she is very uncomfortable with how she looks! It's naot that she eats terribly, it's just that she'll eat great all day and then like end the day off with a piece of chocolate cake and then I think to myself, what's the point, by doing that, you just undid your whole day of eating healthy!

 

Hmmm, that sounds suspiciously like what that guy I was talking about said to me. And she's only 10-15 pounds overweight? The way you were describing the situation, I was expecting you to say she was a lot more overweight than that!

 

Maybe you are being too critical. And maybe she's being too hard on herself.

[rocio]

She is probably 10 to 15 pounds overweight!! I think she looks great and really sexy, but I know she is very uncomfortable with how she looks! It's naot that she eats terribly, it's just that she'll eat great all day and then like end the day off with a piece of chocolate cake and then I think to myself, what's the point, by doing that, you just undid your whole day of eating healthy! I never say that though, because I just want her to be happy.

 

There are times when I put my foot down and say no to her. I just wish that she could remember how she feels when getting dressed in the morning just before she orders that dessert!

 

One piece of cake per day is not going to make someone overweight. It takes alot more than that.

 

Does she eat white bread, pasta and rice? If so, you could try buying only whole grains. I've found that's the best and easiest way to control your weight (okay, before I got knocked up and all that went out the window!). It also fills you up so that you don't have as much cravings.

[CarnelianButterfly]

What is it that you consider her proper weight?

[Alezia]

Well, if you do buy bigger clothes, as she loses the weight she might get some sense of encouragment from it.

I don't see why she would need to cut out all the sweets from her life.. being only 10-15lbs.. I think it should be easy enough to lose with some fun food in moderation....

[Bethany]

Tell her that you are sorry but you are sick of her moaning about her weight every day. Tell her you think she looks great as she is so stop going on about it, and that you don't want to talk about it anymore. Geez, the same moan every day is enough to drive anyone insane.

[Scout]

Tell her that you are sorry but you are sick of her moaning about her weight every day. Tell her you think she looks great as she is so stop going on about it, and that you don't want to talk about it anymore. Geez, the same moan every day is enough to drive anyone insane.

 

LOL, Bethany!

[methodman]

She considers her proper weight to be 125/130. So right now she is pushing 145. She is really beautiful and when I met her, that was her weight : 125.

 

As for her moaning about it everyday, well, that's who she is, I can't tell her to shut up about it, because it's something that seriously bothers her. I think you're right though. If she needs to find bigger clothes as to make her feel comfortable, then I think that's what she must do while she is trying to lose weight.

 

At the end of the day, I can't fault her for trying. She is getting up early consistently and hitting the treadmill, and is trying her best to eat healthy. I think that I just hit that point today of enough is enough, but at the same time, she is doing what she needs to do to lose it.

 

I guess it's easy for me to say. I have a fast metabolism so I don't gain weight easily. I know it's different for woman.

 

I will apologize to her and just keep being the supportive boyfriend I have been!