Soulmates! How many believe in it?

[Batya33]

Good for you and best of luck! I just find your description of his behavior toward you ironic in light of your vision of soulmates. All that matters is that it works for you.

[Helen67]

My vision (I think) is someone who you share your loves/hates, good/bad times, have trust and honesty with, and a sense of two people being as one.

 

If you think I don't have that, cos my b/f and I don't do the soppy stuff, then I'm sorry, I don't know what else to say.

 

If you need flowers and chocolate and the whole romantic jargon, then good for you, but wouldn't that get boring if you were still getting that 30 years down the line constantly? It would to me anyway.

 

Personally, someone mentally strong, and who makes me giggle, who supports me, AND an occasional "I love you", is worth all the flowers in the world.

 

I think we should agree to disagree Batya.

 

Helen xx

[lovecrazy]

I used to believe but right now I am questioning it...but you never know...once I get over my heartache it will be different...

 

But I am happy for you that, you feel you have found your soulmate...that is the most wonderful feeling in the world...

[Helen67]

Thank you Lovecrazy, that's really sweet of you to say.

 

I'm sure you will find the ultimate love, who you will then be able to say without question "Yes, here is my soulmate".

 

Wish you only happiness!!

 

Helen x

[Batya33]

My vision (I think) is someone who you share your loves/hates, good/bad times, have trust and honesty with, and a sense of two people being as one.

 

If you think I don't have that, cos my b/f and I don't do the soppy stuff, then I'm sorry, I don't know what else to say.

 

If you need flowers and chocolate and the whole romantic jargon, then good for you, but wouldn't that get boring if you were still getting that 30 years down the line constantly? It would to me anyway.

 

Personally, someone mentally strong, and who makes me giggle, who supports me, AND an occasional "I love you", is worth all the flowers in the world.

 

I think we should agree to disagree Batya.

 

Helen xx

 

Not what I meant at all. I just meant that it was ironic that you described the relationship as one of soulmates but you had chsen not to share with him those feelings of yours (at least, according to your earlier posts). I agree with you that it is not about the "soppy" stuff at all - it is about giving and sharing however that works for the two of you. If it were me - and this is just me - I wouldn't have the need to label it as "soulmates" particularly if that wasn't something I was comfortable sharing with my "soulmate." but that's just me - I just wanted to clarify that you misinterpreted my post and its meaning. That can happen with typing.

[FarandAway]

I use to believe in this word. I met the man of my dreams, married him and then he cheated on me throughout the marriage. Needless to say, I don't believe in the word anymore. Frankly, its too "la la" land of a term for me. Besides, *he* used that word to ad nauseum when we together all the while having several girlfriends.

 

For me the word is associated with negative things so I don't believe in the word or the concept.

 

Now, is there someone that is a VERY good fit for you? Yes... we all have them and I have found one recently.

[soccer14]

I do believe. and I think I already found mine

[ProtestTheHero]

No, I don't believe in it. It's a nice word we use as a crutch to either corroborate a relationship or support someone who isn't in one. Much like the notions of god and the afterlife, they are things that people use as a tool of comfort but never find.

 

I would concede that they are created, but I would be willing to bet a lot that they aren't just out there waiting to find each other.

[Siraf]

I believe I've found my soulmate. She's halfway accross the world though..not everybody can meet their soulmates..it's very sad..but I hope one day I'll see that girl's face in real life -_- Good luck to everyone if they want to find them!

[Mr Mister1]

Sort of defeats the purpose of having a soulmate if not everyone gets to meet them doesn't it?

[Sandi]

I don't think we're born with a soulmate meant for us, but I think you can grow to be soulmates with someone. When I first met my boyfriend I don't think anyone would have put us together but we've been together for nearly a year now and I'd definitely say he's my soulmate now we share so many interests and even the things we don't share we still get along with, and we're so happy. Its impossible to imagine ever finding someone who could take his place.

[madcar52]

i am hopelessly romantic and do believe in soulmates..and love at first sight and all that gushy stuff. I am lucky enough to be with mine. It's that feeling of connectedness, a bond that runs deep...when words are not needed. It's different for everyone how they play it out...sappy factor, ya know. But I like to think that they exist..an undeniable connection with that special someone that as you can see from my post...is not easily described!

[RayKay]

I do, though I believe there is more than one compatible person for you, and there is potential to meet any of them, or more than one perhaps in your life.

 

It is up to the both of YOU though to decide to stop looking when you find one another and to mutually agree that you are for each other

 

I think timing though also has a lot to do with it, sometimes when you aren't ready, you can miss one...though again, this is why there is more than one.

 

Of course, even when you are with "the one" a relationship still takes mutual effort and commitment.

 

I think "soulmates" really find and know it is in each other. Whatever way they term it, they each know there is something more special to it. My boyfriend was the one that actually first put into words what I knew in my heart and was thinking...corny yes, but also very "real" at the same time because we both knew it. We are not romantic soppy people, but we both definitely are able to say those things to one another in our own strange way.

 

Glad you found your one, and I wish you very best of luck!

[Helen67]

I agree with the timing theory too. I nearly didn't see what had been in front of my very eyes for the last oohh 8 years, even though our friends had..ironic really. I nearly lost him to someone else, until it finally dawned in my thick head!

 

But even if it hadn't dawned, there is no way we wouldn't have been together, because although he had his plans, they would have involved me, I was always going to be in his life. We both knew this, it was an unspoken agreement...weird somehow.

 

Example..If he had married this Thai woman, and said then to me, okay bought the house out there, are you ready to move? I would have said, yep let's go...I know he was checking out houses over there with enough space for me and my kiddies. It just couldn't have been any other way, he needed me as much as I needed him, and no woman he was with would have filled that void, and no doubt no b/f of mine too. Hadn't been in a relationship for a long time, due to single mum lifestyle.

 

So I suppose we were soulmates long before we became a couple. But I am so happy I realised my feelings before it became too much of a complication. I know some might think I have no heart for the other woman, but please believe I apologised sooo much to her, but I couldn't lose my man. And they were only together for 3 months, but my love for him was so overpowering it physically hurt.

 

I still have a few issues to deal with, but they are *my* own problems, that is probably the only downside of getting together with your best mate, is that you know everything about them, and sometimes I felt I wasn't getting the same treatment as his ex's did. We don't have a first date to remember, no first restaurant..nothing. But saying that we will have first other things to look forward to, so mustn't grumble.

 

Anyway, finished ranting.

 

Helen xx

[Batya33]

Not in your case (I do not know you) but in general I would be careful about elevating the abstract concepts of "soulmate" and "destiny" over the reality - such as, if someone is married with children, it might be a bit "convenient" to say "well it doesn't matter because we are soulmates" rather than exploring the hard realities of adultery, what that does to children and teenagers, etc.

My ex-brother in law did that last Spring, marrying a "soulmate" he had known for a short time because they were "soulmates" - ignoring that financially and emotionally it was devastating to his children who are still showing scary signs of the brunt of their father marrying again so quickly and in the circumstances he is in.

 

In your case it sounds like (again I only know from what you type) that he chose you over the other woman and that you do not believe he was that seriously involved anyway. Good for you! - was just commenting on the notion of elevating the "soulmate" concept over gritty reality/human considerations.

[Helen67]

Certainly wouldn't argue with you there Batya. I suppose that was part of the reason for starting this thread, to try and establish how many feel soulmates is real or just a myth...It was also until now, not a word I personally would have used.

 

As for may own situation, it was not easy at the time of my realisation!!

 

My b/f was very confused in terms of giving this woman up, don't let me give the impression that it was all straight forward, this had left me with doubts of his true feelings, but we have had very constuctive discussions (especially recently, with help from ENA), and have learnt to have more trust in him.

 

I know this sounds all very dodgy, and you may think that perhaps there are still underlying issues, but not as many as I have caused myself to grieve over. I have to learn to let go, and move on. I have to stop living in the past!

 

Lastly, he has always had a crush on me, and would have started something way way before, if I had shown the slightest interest, but I didn't, cos I thought I wasn't. It was just terribly unfortunate that when I finally went PING, he was involved (I would not say not seriously, I just meant a shortish period of time), but then again maybe that's why I went PING, because it was serious enough.

 

I do believe just for the record, that the right decisions have been made all round. I mean also for my kiddies, we have a better quality of life as a family unit, my b/f has bought a family house for us which we will move into next year. The kiddies feelings are examined and always taken into consideration.

 

Batya, I do appreciate your concern, and I hope I have answered you as honest as I can...

 

Now shall wait in suspense and tin helmet for your reply.

 

All the best...Helen xx

[Batya33]

Sounds good. If it were me - and it is not! - I would wait until I was engaged or close to it to involve the kids - as in, "kids don't "get' dating, they "get" attached." I also wouldn't have a man who wasn't married to me living with children but again that's just me and what I have seen in situations like that.

 

Look - if you believe he is your soulmate, isn't that all that really matters? Doesn't matter why you feel that way, what you base it on, etc. I have heard women say they feel they've met "Mr. Right" because "he doesn't beat me and he takes me to nice places." That is their standards, certainly not mine.

 

I do think though that the appeal of labeling something "soulmates" sometimes afflicts those in love with love, not the person. In your case it sounds like you've given this a lot of thinking as well as feeling.

 

Good luck!

[Helen67]

Just to clarify Batya, this man has been the most important male model to my children since my son (who is now 10), was about 2 years old. My other son who is 5, has only ever seen my b/f as his father, as his real father took off to Ireland long before he was born.

 

My b/f and I shared the house I now live in from 2000-2004, my son was born in 2001, my b/f (at the time my friend) was the 1st to see him after he was born, and has always played a major part in his life. My older son's father last had contact with us about 2 1/2 years ago. I have no knowledge of his wherabouts, and fortunately, because of my b/f's involvement since he was so young, has dealt with this misfortune better than he would have been able to do. My eldest son has great respect and admiration for my b/f, because of the care and attention he has given him.

 

I know I sound like a bad soap opera case, but it was just the way things turned out. Anyway, as much as I understand your statement about being unmarried, with the kiddies etc, without my b/f's imput in our lifes, it would have been alot harder for me in general. He has alot of money (I would love him just the same without it, please believe me) and has given us more comfort and stability than I could of. I know for my kiddies, money means nothing, but he gives them so much love and attention, has helped my eldest son through difficulties that may have appeared over the years.

 

Also, like I said, I have not been in any relationships, and have always put my children first. I have been happy with just good friends and good company.

 

Okay now things are different, and I was also very scared of my sudden overwhelming love for this man, I assumed I would always be single, or at least until the kids where older, I wasn't prepared for this.

 

Yes I felt I should be very careful how this would all progress, but he has been the only person in our life, and especially for my children, that it just seemed natural we should become a family unit.

 

As much as I respect that ppl should be married, and we will be oneday, I promise you. The path we are going down, is not so different to the path we would have been going down, if nothing had intimately happened between us.

 

With all respect....Helen x

[blueangel]

Anyone can become a soulmate the moment you adjust yourself to them in your life. The factors it depends on is mainly who you are and how they are similar. I have found more than one passing soulmate for myself in this world- ones who have hit me with love or hate- and then went away and in doing so, changed and affected me forever... slowly as well as quickly... sometimes blindly or full of sight.

[Batya33]

Thanks for sharing Helen. I respect your opinion of course as much as I maintain mine which differs. I was giving a general opinion as of course I cannot express an opinion on your particular situation.

[redrose85]

I wanted to add a point though. I'm feeling slightly spiritual this morning. Has there ever been that one couple that you knew from high school, college etc... who just seem to fit? That to me seems like they have been placed on earth for each other to find, and only the very lucky few get to actually meet their absolute match, rather than someone they can grow to love, and have in their lives. I think there is a difference between the two. I haven't experienced it, so I'm not exactly sure and can't really elaborate lol (brilliant post, me! ) But, there was this one couple in high school. they started dated in grade 8. He was the goofball jock type, she was the studious dancer, and they just seemed made for each other. They were always so in love and still are, and it just seems like there was a higher power at work in putting those two together. I'm in a weird mood today... It's a nice though anyways

[Batya33]

Yes it is - just remember that you don't always know what goes on behind closed doors. . .

[blueangel]

Sometimes I meet a person and have feelings. Later on, I still have them and dont know why. I can make it fade if I want or let it grow into an infactuation. It's the same with love- it can be let go or grown. That depends on you... not divine intervention. A soulmate is someone who feels like they are you. When you touch their skin or look into their eyes, a magic feeling rises. When you press hands together, your heart may start to beat faster than it did before.

 

But that is the mere mystics of uniting body and mind which affect you inside. What anything means in this life is what you make it mean to you. In a lot of ways, that's what I think we're here for.

[lizziebee]

I believe we all have soulmates in the different compartments of our lives. Our Love soulmate is the one that gets the most attention because it is such a fanciful thought.......but a beautiful feeling. If you believe he is your soulmate, why don't you tell him so? Sounds wonderful. Good luck!