No Friends - HELP!

[eviljedi]

I have just realized something that has been staring me in the face for almost a year.

 

I HAVE NO FRIENDS!!!

 

It's really funny because I'm not shy or depressed about it or anything. I feel fairly confident in myself and I really don't care what other people think. I do however feel lonely because I have absolutely NO social life.

 

I think another problem is that I really hate what I'm doing with my life right now, but I feel like I don't have any other options. I'm studying at university but I don't like what I'm studying. I don't really want to start studying something new either. If I drop out of uni, my parents will make me get a boring 9-5 job. I really don't know what I want to do.

 

 

As far as friends goes, I used to be quite popular in high school. I would talk to everyone and be social with all my class mates. I didn't really see many of them outside of school but that didn't really matter since I saw them everyday.

 

Now in university, I hardly talk to anyone. There are only 2 guys that I actually speak with in class. To be honest, I don't really want to speak to the rest of them. I feel more mature than a lot of them. Since I don't really want to be there I'm not that bothered about making long term friends.

 

Outside of university I have a part time job. I'm quite popular in work. I speak to a lot of the people there and they seem to like me. Although I wouldn't want to spend my free time hanging out with most of them either.

 

I only have 1 friend, literally. I hang out with him about twice a month and all we do is play video games and watch movies. The rest of my time is spent on my own playing video games etc. I don't have any hobbies or anything else I do with my free time.

 

A few months ago I was getting invited to parties and the pub every now and then but I kept saying no. I really hate going out to get wasted or to "pick-up" girls.

 

I don't even know what I want from friends or why I want them. I just know that right now I feel like a loser.

 

It's funny, I actually feel "better" than most people I meet. E.g. If I meet someone new I am always judging them and thinking "he's a geek" or "she's ugly" or whatever. I feel like I am worthy of hanging out with the "cool" people and not just average chumps.

 

I guess I have loads of problems or maybe I'm just anti social.

 

I'd apprecate any advice from people who have been in simillar situations.

 

Cheers

eviljedi

[DropToZero]

A few months ago I was getting invited to parties and the pub every now and then but I kept saying no. I really hate going out to get wasted or to "pick-up" girls.

 

I don't even know what I want from friends or why I want them. I just know that right now I feel like a loser.

 

It's funny, I actually feel "better" than most people I meet. E.g. If I meet someone new I am always judging them and thinking "he's a geek" or "she's ugly" or whatever. I feel like I am worthy of hanging out with the "cool" people and not just average chumps.

 

I guess I have loads of problems or maybe I'm just anti social.

 

I'd apprecate any advice from people who have been in simillar situations.

 

Used to be just like you, and in some sense, I'm still learning...

 

If I had to guess, you're not one who likes to tell EVERYONE EVERYTHING that's going on in your life. You're a little reserved, but you will open up to a certain few which whom you trust.

 

The idea that you think you're "better," I will admit I used to think the same way, so I'm guessing you don't "act out" or get kinda "crazy" once in a while...due to the fact that you think you're "better" than this? I'm the same way, I still have a hard time acting out, but I am better at being myself. In the end though man, even though I don't care what others think about me, what they're really thinking is "why are YOU reserved? why don't you want to go out and meet others? have fun? drink? party? just have a crazy time and let it all loose?" So you look at yourself, and you may realize...you have no personality, now don't get me wrong, you may have one, but because you're reserved, and don't want to try anything new, no one else is going to know that. So of course, think about it, would YOU want to be friends with YOU if all you did was sit at home and watch movies? Would you want to go out with someone who never wanted to go out and just have some fun?(drink, meet others, anything besides sitting in the house). If you go to school with the idea that you don't want to meet anyone, and put any effort into it, of course you're not going to have any friends...think about it.

 

My best advice for you...GO OUT, try NEW things, accept the invites to go and meet others or party. You DON'T have to get wasted, but just go and drink casually, and if you don't like beer, get something else to cover for it. Honestly...a little buzz will lighten you up and open you up. Go join a club, go to university classes willing to meet and talk to others(trust me, I know how it is, I commute to school too, it sucks). The main thing I'm trying to point out, is that if you're not willing to put forth some effort and be someone's friend, they're not going to be willing to.

[robowarrior]

Basically you are living in darkness. I see you i think you are a nerd and i wont talk to you = im not allowing myself to see what kind of a person you are. You know people make judgements every day, heck even in the bible it says you shouldn't make judgements but whats really important is the question, Are you correct in the end? Did you catch the mouse by the tail so to speak?

 

You know for me its different , i make space and my philosophy is that every person deserves at least 'one chance'. Or in other words

 

Stop bein pre-judged and start being realistic. You know that sometimes you can be right ,this is true because every person sends out signals that you can read. sometimes you see a person and even without being discriminatory you can say 'that person is gay', but its not about the obvious, its about those things that fall out of the curve and are behind the lines of obvious.

 

Its not only important to look on things, its also important to see thru them. That person who you thought was gay and now is punching your face because you had it wrong, yikes! Cliche' but this is my advice for you. Don't judge a book on its cover, allow yourself to discover the inside if you desire so.

 

Allow yourself chances to meet new people. It would have been better if you started to love and help people unconditionally, that way you'd make a lot of room to make new people.

 

Yes you might say someone is a nerd, yes you might feel like a loser. But what is important is that you know what a person stands for, including yourself. Friendship is like a seed that you need to allow to grow, if you stamp on the soil like you have been doing, how can anything flourish from that what is being destroyed constantly?

[AngelEyez]

I can sort of relate to you. I have hardly any friends either. If I hang out with one of them, we go to the movies. We sit there, watch it, and go home. I don't feel like socializing with any University peers either. I just want the day to be over with, but then I get sad about having no friends. It's quite weird. I don't like opening up to people or telling them about myself because it's the same old depressing story. I'm not very outgoing. I don't like going to bars, although I'd like to be one of those girls that can just have fun and drink. But then again, it isn't appealing to me. Getting wasted and passing out on a sidewalk until the morning.

[vermilion]

I don't really have many friends. Talk to people at school but don't really hang out with anyone outside of school other than going on dates every once in a while. Doesn't bother me.

 

Sounds like it does bother you. Why else would you have made a post?

 

No offense, but you sound like a bit of a jerk. I mean, I can understand you feeling more mature than others around you because you aren't into the partying- neither am I really. But you just don't want to talk to someone because of the way they look? You think you're better then someone before you've met them?

 

I think another problem is that I really hate what I'm doing with my life right now, but I feel like I don't have any other options. I'm studying at university but I don't like what I'm studying. I don't really want to start studying something new either. If I drop out of uni, my parents will make me get a boring 9-5 job. I really don't know what I want to do.

 

Oh yeah, a guy who needs his parents to make him stay in school or get off his butt and get a job is a real winner. Sorry but you contradict yourself so many times and you just come off as conceited but for no real reason. Makes me a little mad for some reason. You remind me of me, haha...I don't like myself...and at the same time I consider myself better than a lot of people. It's really mean but I can't help the way I feel, and I like that you're honest.

 

 

I'd say, if you don't want to hang out with people, no problem. It doesn't make you a loser. Means you're better at entertaining yourself than most. Some people have to drink and smoke pot and constantly be surrounded by people to feel content. Feel sorry for them. They're lame.

 

You could consider finding new hobbies or trying to talk to new people. I'd say just try going places where you think you'd meet people who have similar interests. You like a certain place, volunteer/work there. If you're into artsy/odd stuff go around your city and find interesting shops and places. If you love to read join some lame book club or something. If you like video games...I don't know work at an electronics place?

 

You just have to muster up the energy to go out and meet people you actually care about talking to. Sounds exhausting if you're picky, but better than feeling lonely.

 

And if you meet someone you sort of like, tag along to their next party or gathering- you may find they lead to better people even if you don't care so much about the original person... networkings good, take advantage of it. Even if it seems boring to go to some party maybe check it out for a few minutes to see what's going on.

[AntiLove_SuperStar]

I don't have a social life right now. I used to be another person entirely. In fact, I was reading my journal from the end of October last year, and my word was it depressing. At least 60% of my writing was what I did at the weekend, who was hitting on me, who I fancied, plenty of writing in pink, exclamation marks, much drinking, parties, out all the time, blah blah.

 

And now...my boyfriend seems to want to see me 2/3 times a week so I go along with that (nah..I love him), but I don't do anything else right now in my free time.

 

And it's a relief. I'm relieved that I'm not bothering anyone. I'm polite etc to people I have classes with. I don't behave THAT weirdly. But I have no desire really to interact like that any more.

 

I'm only 18 and I am extremely worn down with various mental problems, so I'm not saying I'll never have a social life again, at university in year's time, for instance. But right now, I think I'm antisocial for a reason. It's a weight off my mind.

 

Ah...I've gone off on a tangent there. What was the question?