bsp_kjm Posted October 28, 2006 Share Posted October 28, 2006 About 3 months ago, it was my long time friend's bday and I took her and her boyfriend out to a very nice dinner. The bill was in the triple digits. Now Im just a college student, so a 3 digit dinner bill hurt me a bit, but it was for a close friend, so it didnt bother me much... My birthday came along just recently and I hadnt seen my close friend much due to school. I had a little get together for my friends and family back at home and even though she was in town (we are both from the same small town), she didn't make it. Her excuse: "Had to do chores." Ok. So the next day after my little get together, she called me up and asked if her and her boyfriend could hitch a ride. I said of course. On the drive back to our current places of residence, she mentioned she had no idea what to get me. She asked if we could stop at the store. We do and her boyfriend buys a little thing of chapstick and hands it to me and says, "this is your birthday gift from the both of us!" they both laugh and I just smirk and say thanks. Ever since then, she has been avoiding me. Am I right to be a bit insulted by the gift of chapstick? Am I just being too butthurt over it? Link to comment
New_Horizons Posted October 28, 2006 Share Posted October 28, 2006 I would say that this is a 'friend' not worth keeping...and I mean that literally. Link to comment
coollady1957 Posted October 28, 2006 Share Posted October 28, 2006 I think under the circumstances I would be bothered as well. Something just seems as bit off balance with the whole thing. I cant figure out why someoone would by chapstick and then laugh about that this was the birthday gift from the both of them, especially after the nice thing you did for her birthday. Has anything happened between you two that would cause her or them to be acting this way, or are they just two thoughtless people ? You said this was a long time friend. Just how long has this person been a long time friend ??? Link to comment
Anna. Posted October 28, 2006 Share Posted October 28, 2006 It could be the girl's bf is just a jerk and she is passively going along with it when she understands that she is being thoughtless. That could explain the reason she is not in touch with you, b/c she feels bad about it. She is in the wrong. It seems to me that her boyfriend could be negatively affecting her. Was this out of character for her? Link to comment
itsallgrand Posted October 28, 2006 Share Posted October 28, 2006 I don't think you are being a butthead. The situation seems weird, like coolady said. First thought in my head is: Is she dead broke? Link to comment
bsp_kjm Posted October 28, 2006 Author Share Posted October 28, 2006 thanks for the replies, everyone. Ive been friends with her for about 8 years now. Shes usually a very thoughtful person and thats why Im pretty surprised about it. She usually is broke, but I recently read on her Myspace that she just bought her boyfriend a $250 mp3 player cuz it was on sale the other day. As for her boyfriend, he's a really kool guy. usually real thoughtful... but Ive only known him for a couple months. I cant think of any reason why she'd do that to me or be avoiding me. I mean hey, I did them the favor of giving them a free ride home... hmm I dunno... I dropped her a call today cuz I was in her area and she replied with a text msg of "at work".... oh well what can ya do? Link to comment
DizzyDoris Posted October 28, 2006 Share Posted October 28, 2006 She sounds incredibly selfish, even if she has no money if she valued your friendship like you do, she would have made you something. If i was broke i would at least bake my friend a birthday cake to show i cared. Also, i wouldnt have accepted your meal, i would have been flattered that you had offered, but no way expected you to pay the whole bill. If you'd have insisted i would have gone half wax on the bill. It sounds to me that she doesnt value your friendship very much and is a user, just out for what she can get. She didnt even show her face for half an hour at your party! If your doing all the giving and shes just doing all the taking, i cant see what you get out of this friendship? I'd start hanging out with nicer friends and if you get her a christmas present this year...buy her a bag of cotton wool or something lol Link to comment
vermilion Posted October 28, 2006 Share Posted October 28, 2006 Don't be too insulted by the chapstick thing- just her bf and she probably was just laughing and going along with it. It seems rude that she got you nothing but maybe she just doesn't have the cash right now. I never buy friends anything for their birthdays. And even if I get them a card or something cheap I don't expect anything when it comes to my birthday. I'd feel upset though if I spent a lot on a really good friend and she did absolutely NOTHING for me. I mean, she could have written you a nice note or card or made you something. Maybe just tell you what a great friend you are or spend a day with you. It just seems like there's not much to this friendship- you're putting more in then she is. She didn't even come to your party- "chores" can wait. She's using you, like dizzydoris said. Link to comment
agent1607307371 Posted October 28, 2006 Share Posted October 28, 2006 Did she buy him the mp3 player before or after your birthday? Because I'd guess that's where her money has gone. Don;t bother with her. Whether she is just going along with him or not it was a really ***** thing to do to a longtime friend for their birthday. Even moreso considering your gift to her. And I know it's not the cost, it's the thought that counts but she put less than no thought to you and that sucks. Link to comment
Fallout Posted October 28, 2006 Share Posted October 28, 2006 Well the thing is you buying her that nice expensive dinner on her birthday obliged her to reciprocate somewhat....not necessarily by buying something expensive, but something nice and thoughtful... Here's what you should do bsp : don't contact her yourself, let her initiate contact...and see if she does how long it will be and for what reason...if it will still seem like she doesn't care you can tell all this stuff to her face Being friends with her for 8 years isn't the issue...I know someone that was betrayed by a friend of over 20 years so it can happen...people do change, and not always for the better. Link to comment
jimthzz Posted November 1, 2006 Share Posted November 1, 2006 this is why cards are best for celebrating birthdays. Expensive presents and meals out are for spouses and children--and only if you can afford it. Gifting an expensive meal while a college student sets up the receiver to an obbligation they cannot afford and are too embarrassed to admit their poverty. She tried to make light of it -- badly-- by getting you a chapstick. Your friend was trying to tell you that she can't afford to buy you a night out or an expensive present. That said, a card or even a personal note might have been better. Link to comment
NKP Posted November 2, 2006 Share Posted November 2, 2006 Chapstick that is pretty lame, i would of perfured just a card or even just her to say happy birthday and a hug. If she could aford anything esle then why did she laugh about it?, i wouldnt of laughed if that was all i could of afford. So have you talked to her lately? Link to comment
bsp_kjm Posted November 2, 2006 Author Share Posted November 2, 2006 this is why cards are best for celebrating birthdays. Expensive presents and meals out are for spouses and children--and only if you can afford it. Gifting an expensive meal while a college student sets up the receiver to an obbligation they cannot afford and are too embarrassed to admit their poverty. She tried to make light of it -- badly-- by getting you a chapstick. Your friend was trying to tell you that she can't afford to buy you a night out or an expensive present. That said, a card or even a personal note might have been better. i didnt expect an expensive gift or anything... just an acknowledgement or something. i would have been happy if she just showed up at my bday get together empty handed, but she couldnt even do that. plus, a couple days after my bday, she bought her BF an expensive MP3 player, so her being broke is no excuse. as for talking to her... she called me to invite me to a halloween party, but i was working on a thesis paper... Link to comment
NKP Posted November 2, 2006 Share Posted November 2, 2006 Have you tried talking to her about your bday, or ask her why she didnt hang out with you on the day and do something fun with you? Link to comment
bsp_kjm Posted November 4, 2006 Author Share Posted November 4, 2006 Have you tried talking to her about your bday, or ask her why she didnt hang out with you on the day and do something fun with you? yeah i had already approached her about it and she just said, "sorry, was busy with chores" i didnt go to the halloween party she invited me to. havent heard from her since Link to comment
NKP Posted November 4, 2006 Share Posted November 4, 2006 Oh okay, well sorry but she doesnt really sound like a nice person and "chores" can always wait til later. Just wait and let her contact you if she wants you and dont do anymore favours for her aswell Link to comment
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