6 years ends with her cheating...again

[JustBeenHurt]

She cheated once and somehow after moving out I was

able to forgive her - probably because at the time, I

didn't know how far down the rabbit hole went.

 

I just recently found evidence that, with the same

person as before, she was at it again...and I

learned the full extent of her affair.

 

When I met her she had a little girl, less than one-years-old.

That girl is now 7, and bright, and calling me "Daddy". I am

struggling with severing all ties or allowing "visitation" for

the girl; regardless, because of the child she is free to take

her sweet time leaving, even though the lease is solely

in my name as are all the bills; I am a prisoner in my own

home.

 

Thanks for reading, I appreciate any advice or uplifting

comments!

 

JBH

[BellaDonna]

Hi and welcome to enotalone. I am sorry to hear that you are going through this.

 

One of my cousins was in the same exact situation as you are in: His long time girlfriend cheated on him, and she also had a small baby when they first met, and the baby also called him "daddy". They split when the little girl was 5 or so.

 

At first, he did have visitation with the little girl, but over time, he spread it out more, and saw her less. Now he sends cards and photos on birthdays and holidays, but he does not visit with her anymore because it was becoming hard on him. It's a really tough situation. I guess you just have to do what "feels right" to you.

 

Does her biological father have any kind of role in her life? What about her grandparents?

 

One thing you can count on: Kids are amazingly resilient. If you cut contact, she will surely miss you- but at the same time, if the relationship is over with her mom- you having a role in her life still could be confusing to her. Whatever you choose to do, she will hopefully adapt well and still be a happy kid.

 

Did you give your ex a "deadline" stating when she has to move out?

 

BellaDonna

[JoeWho]

Hang in there it will get better with time. Having a kid involved sure does make things complicated. I guess you will have to make a decision on wether you will be in her daughter's life or not. Thats a tough decision so take your time with that one. As for her mother I would give her a deadline and then go NC (no contact) as much as possible excluding speaking about her daugther if you choose to stay in her life. I feel for you and we all know far too well how you are feeling. Be strong, stay busy and take it a day at a time.

[JustBeenHurt]

Deadline: yes I did, but it is unenforceable due to the child and

the law of residency (received US mail for 1 year).

 

Biological father: in and out of jail, NC for 6-7 yrs

 

Grandparents: both sides extremely bad influences (many multiple partners,

drugs, excessive alcohol, etc.)

 

I moved all my items, or most of them, into the bedroom which is now like

my "apartment". This morning I wake up out of a sound sleep and look

around and she's actually standing there! The child is away for the

weekend, thank god. She asks if I want her to cancel plans she had

and go see a movie!? I really am dumbfounded that she does not operate

on the same plane of existence! I am tired of yelling and trying to get

through to a crazy person that IT IS OVER! However, she has been calling

about apartments and setting up appts. so that is my only light at the end

of the tunnel!

 

Thanks for the replies.