Just Got Dumped -- Need a "Refresher Course"

[mick8888]

OK, well, here's the deal -- I just got dumped by my girlfriend of six months tonight ...no big dramatic blowout, she just drove over here, we were supposed to go out to dinner, I got in the car and she said "We need to talk...." so of course you know what's coming next. She said, "I'm not happy, I don't like the way this relationship is going, and I think we need to break up." I sat there for a minute, didn't argue, didn't cry, didn't go nuts, just was sorta like, "So, how long have you been feeling like this?" and she said "It's been brewing for a little while now..." And so I was like, alright then, she said, "I'm sorry," and I was like, "OK, see ya" and got out of the car and she drove off ... whole thing happened in maybe 3-4 minutes.

 

Was kind of surprising because she didn't ever let on that she was feeling this way. We NEVER fought the whole six months we went out, got along great, had fun, no drama, we were very close ... everything seemed normal, the past couple days we talked on the phone she said "I love you" as usual, didn't hint that there were any problems. Now this. Basically I have no real idea why it happened, maybe she met someone else, I dunno. But I'm not gonna sit here and speculate. I'm upset, but not devastated. I loved her and cared about her, but I'm not aboutto jump off a bridge over this. However, after going through a really painful breakup of a 3-year relationship prior to going out with this girl, I could use a "refresher course" from you guys and gals on how you're supposed to handle a breakup. I should just not ever contact her again, right? Not dwell on it, just move on to the next thing? Or should I press her for a reason and/or see if maybe this is just a phase? She seemed pretty certain about wanting to break up, and I have to say that after that I'm not sure I would ever want her back, but at the same time, like I said before, we had a good relationship and I am very attracted to her and do want to be with her.

 

Any thoughts?

 

Cheers!

Mick

[New_Horizons]

Or should I press her for a reason and/or see if maybe this is just a phase?

 

IMHO, anyone who goes through 'phases' will go through them again, and again, and again, torturing everyone in the vicinity. I'd suggest you move on. But it's your choice.

[friscodj]

Hey Mick-

 

I'm sorry this happened dude. These types of break ups are tough.

 

With that said, this just happened man, this is all fresh. From my experience, I can pretty much guarantee you the reality of this will hit you at some point. I've experienced relative elation immediately after a break up, for a few days, maybe a week, then the hammer of grief falls...

 

You guys were together for 6 months and told each you loved each other? I'd say those are grounds for talking to her about what happened. In this next week, really, really think back to what it is you might have done or what her deal was, maybe she hinted at or straight-up told you what was going on in scattered bits-and-pieces throughout the relationship, perhaps very subtle. Really think about this, take some time, find some answers.

 

Then I'd give her a call and ask to talk about all of this. Not necessarily to get back together, but try to get some answers or closer to some possible answers.

 

If she refuses or if you don't hear back from her, post unbiased details of your situation here and we'll give you some answers. I know it has happened to me before where I was too wrapped up or lost in a relationship to realize what the hell I was doing.

[TheRedQueen]

I don't trust this girl. For her to be in love you one day, to then coldly dump you the next day is strange. This type of emotional inconsistency is not normal, unless of course she's schizophrenic or bipolar.

[heloladies21]

I know things seem very confusing right now, but her answer leaves nothing to speculation. She is not interested in you anymore and there is no reason to plan for what might happen, like if she were to come back to you. The only thing you can expect is that since you're broken up, that you'll sty broken up. No phases, no stringing anyone along believing in false hope, just taking things as is and moving on once you get a "no i don't want to be with you anymore."

 

If you have any doubts as to her true intentions, feel free to ask her, but the reason for the break up will not matter even if you find out. She lost interest in you and she's not going to be able to tell you why.

[real_life_101]

Practice no contact, and start dating again,that alone should bring her back around. If she calls act happy but start dating ASAP.

[eleanorrigby1]

I had a similar breakup with my ex. I thought everything was great, we never argued, we told each other we loved each other, he came to mine on the Wednesday we lay on bed holding each other all night watching TV, then Thursday he calls me says he is going out with his mate, he rings me later that evening to see how I am, sys "i love you goodnight". The next morning, Friday, he rings me says he wants to meet at lunch, I go meet him.

 

He doesnt kiss me, he takes me into a pub and says "I cant give you what you want" I said "what?!" he says "I think you are great and lovely and everything..." I said "but you dont love me?" he shakes his head and says "I love you, but im not INLove with you" I said "oh okay..." stared past his head briefly, wanting to ask him why, I said "but we never argued, we got on great, I feel like ive been the pefect girlfriend to you?" he says to me "If you went out and bought me a ferarri it wouldnt make me love you" even now, years later those words still sting and cause some pain.

 

I said "well I cant sit here and talk to you anymore" he says "I want us to be friends, i want to be able to call you up for a chat, meet for lunch" I ignored him and left, heard him shout "sorry!"

 

I never saw him again from that day to this, THREE YEARS ago. You know something at first I kept saying "I dont understand?why why?"

 

After a few days i realised the signs had been there from the beginning, it had been a non-relationship in many ways for the duration. Love blinds us and sometimes we don't see it until we aren't so blinded. You will see soon enough that it just wasnt meant to be and you dont need to ask her for a reason.

 

You sound strong and okay, I think you have already been through your MAJOR heartbreak (When your relationship of 3 years ended) and after that, in my opinion, the ones that follow are easier to deal with. Still painful, but not as all consuming tragic.

 

Dont contact her, move on.

[violingirl]

You deserve some sort of explanation from her.

 

Those types of breakups are the worst! My ex (the love of my life) and I were together for 19 months, never fought, got along wonderfully, etc. 2 days before he broke up with me (over the phone!) we made love like usual and he told me he loved me. The day before the breakup, we bought symphony tickets for an upcoming trip to Philadelphia to celebrate Valentine's Day. Needless to say, we never made it to Philadelphia or Valentine's Day. When he broke up with me he said that he couldn't give me what I wanted or deserved. Two weeks later he even said that we may get back together in the future. A few weeks later I found out that he had left me for an ex-girlfriend of his.

[bachinit]

I don't trust this girl. For her to be in love you one day, to then coldly dump you the next day is strange. This type of emotional inconsistency is not normal, unless of course she's schizophrenic or bipolar.

 

...or has another love interest.

[friscodj]

After a few days i realised the signs had been there from the beginning, it had been a non-relationship in many ways for the duration. Love blinds us and sometimes we don't see it until we aren't so blinded. You will see soon enough that it just wasnt meant to be and you dont need to ask her for a reason.

 

This is profound and has happened to me before as well. Very, very true.

 

During your introspection, you may want to look at any patterns going on, something you may find yourself doing again that you've done in the past or a similar situation as well contributing to the situation.

[shikashika]

I had a similar thing happen to me..

 

everything was fine ( to me!!) then he ame and broke up with me on my lunch I still don't know.. i have spent hours, days trying to figure out why and everyone has been telling me I'm wasting my time thinking abou it but i can't help it.

 

many people say they can look on it later and realise the relationship problems from the beginning... but i am still looking for a million reasons in my head maybe it wa this or maybe it was that.. maybe peopel look back on it and think of the most justifiable reason they can think of and then think... 'thats it' just so they can move in.

 

 

it sounds like you are doing remarkably well!

[friscodj]

everything was fine ( to me!!) then he ame and broke up with me on my lunch I still don't know.. i have spent hours, days trying to figure out why and everyone has been telling me I'm wasting my time thinking abou it but i can't help it.

 

I think you should think about it, really think and observe. There were probably bits and pieces of this reason or reasons presented to you in various, maybe very subtle, ways throughout the relationship. It might take some time to see through your emotions right now to see what they were, but I believe the clarity and understanding will come.

 

You don't need anyone else to give you answers, because his answers are probably wrapped in emotions and/or confusion as well. Sit with it a while, keep an open mind, and I believe you will figure things out in time.

[dstanzler]

Don't speculate just get a new girl.

[dreamguy]

I don't trust this girl. For her to be in love you one day, to then coldly dump you the next day is strange. This type of emotional inconsistency is not normal, unless of course she's schizophrenic or bipolar.

 

Exactly what I think about my ex at times.

She's one of those persons who can tell you "I'm not able to love you anymore" then a minute later come up with "I love you and I want to be your wife".

 

Think carefully if you still want her back because people like that hardly ever change. They are insecure and often highly emotionally unstable.

 

My two cents...

[Biffy]

Exactly what I think about my ex at times.

She's one of those persons who can tell you "I'm not able to love you anymore" then a minute later come up with "I love you and I want to be your wife".

 

Think carefully if you still want her back because people like that hardly ever change. They are insecure and often highly emotionally unstable.

 

My two cents...

 

With you on that, my ex is the same. Tells me she's in love with me and then decides she doesn't want to be in a relationship... but really misses me and still loves me.

 

Quite the headtrip to be on the receiving end of it and it's clear that you should leave these people to sort out their own issues of which they clearly have plenty.

[finewhine]

Yeah, I don't know how much speculating you should do. What's six months? I don't mean to diminish your feelings or your pain, but it shouldn't be terrifically hard to move on from such a short relationship. Unless, of course, it was your first relationship, or your longest relationship, in which case, don't listen to me.