Ever meet someone who can't keep their hands and personal thoughts to themselves?

[vermilion]

A (girl) friend of mine who I don't know very well is constantly touching me and telling me everything I really don't need to hear.

 

It makes me uncomfortable because I just met her last week in one of my classes. The first day she's constantly poking me after only about 10 minutes of knowing her. And asks for a hug- I give her a light one, not thinking much of it, just a hug right?

 

Then the other day she just kept on staring at me then walked by and ran her hand through my hair in the beginning of class. I hate it when people I don't know just touch me like that and muss up my hair.

 

Then she comes by and rubs my shoulder or neck at random points in class. I just shrug her hands off and laugh and say, "Oh- you scared me! Don't sneak up on me like that." or something stupid because I don't want to say, "Get away from me what's your problem?"

 

Today, she did the same. But at one point, I was showing her a drawing I did and said, "Oh, it sucks ***, I can't figure out what I did wrong."

 

She came by and put her arms around my neck and just pointed out things that way- her arms resting on my shoulders. Ugh! It just weirds me out. I tried to act natural, but it was weird and all my friends were just staring and when she walked away were like, "What was that about?"

 

I know it sounds wrong and mean but it'd be easier to ask her to back off a bit if she were a guy.

 

It's a little embarrassing too because my guy friends will whistle and joke that they're going to get to see some "girl on girl" action.

 

I just tell them to shut up or laugh it off but I'm worried people might actually think I'm into girls or something.

 

And I might make people mad but I have a slight feeling that she's possibly a lesbian, bisexual, or is trying to get attention from guys in the class.

 

Then, she today started telling me really personal stuff. Like how her mom is terrible because of this and how she once was raped and had a gun held to her head. I had NO idea how to react and said something lame like, "Oh, that sucks, I'm sorry." I'm not a counselor or anything, and it really bummed me out. I felt bad but I tried to change the subject. I don't want to sound mean but I have a feeling she was just making some of it up. Also, I just met her back on Thursday or Friday or something. Isn't it a little odd to be sharing personal information so soon and in public?

 

Should I just ignore it? Maybe people can obviously see I'm not the one doing the touching. Or she'll get the hint and stop? It just weirds me out a little for some reason but how do you nicely say, "Don't touch me, stop telling me all this." ? Call me a prude, but I'm just uncomfortable with getting so close to a girl...

[NJRon]

First thing... font.. .too small... my eyes...

 

Sounds to me like she is totally coming on to you. Regardless, she is invading your personal (and emotional) space and is coming on way too strong... whether as a friend or other interest. If you feel uncomfortable, I would tell her and distance yourself.

[Caterina]

I do that to people, and its non-sexual. She just might be an extremely touchy feely person. She's probably reaching for someone who will sympathize with her. Just, for goodness sakes, tell her that it makes you uncomfortable.

[vermilion]

Sorry, I changed the font. Wasn't that small, geez...

 

I do that to people, and its non-sexual. She just might be an extremely touchy feely person. She's probably reaching for someone who will sympathize with her. Just, for goodness sakes, tell her that it makes you uncomfortable.

 

You really do that to people? That you hardly know? I have friends I've known for years and we don't touch that much or anywhere near it. We might hug or touch arms for emphasis, but nothing more....

 

And what about the telling me really personal things? I have no idea how to react to someone I don't know what to say to someone telling me they've been raped or anything.

[NJRon]

I had a guy at work that would come up behind me and start man-handling my shoulders... on thethird time I turned to hm and told him that made me uncomfortable. To me... it's harassment. Doesn't matter what the other person's intentions are... if you feel uncomfortable, make it known in no uncertain way.

 

(and, maybe the font wasn't too small for you... but I am old... hehe)

[Meow18]

I think it is a little weird that she would share such personal info with you so soon.

 

Part of me wonders, if you think she was making some of it up, she was probably looking for attention. And the fact that she shared this with you, fake or real, after knowing her less than a week it kind of makes me really think she's just wanting attention.

 

If it's making you uncomfortable, let her know. Just say, "please don't touch my hair" or "please don't lean on me like that". It's not rude. She's invading your personal, comfortable space and getting too close and if you don't like it, you don't.

 

I know you don't want to hurt her feelings, but letting her know that you aren't comfortable with the things she does is ok to do. Just do it in a polite and respectful manner.

[RelaxByWater84]

Yes, I have. The way I dealt with the touching issue was when they asked if I had a problem with touching I explained to them that touch is an important way I communicate and I have to really know the person to communicate to them through touch. Hope this helps you.

 

As for people telling me personal things, I just listen because I figure they just need someone to listen to them.

[Augusteen]

I can't give much in terms of advice, but I have been there.

 

I knew someone in highschool who was a lot like that. Not so much with the touchy feely bit but with the 'way too much information factor'. She'd go into incredible detail about her suicide attempts ('like, this one time, in band camp, I like totally had a knife with me when I was in the tree house and like, no one could get me down tee hee') or tell me all about her horrible family life. All in public. All while I was staring at her completely bug-eyed.

 

It was intimidating to say the least.

 

And I wasn't the only one. She'd tell anyone who would listen. And I suspect your 'super friend' does the same. For whatever reason, she's incredibly lonely and it starving for attention. So long as people remain 'interested' in her topics, she won't back down. As far as she's concerned, if someone's listening that means they're not weirded out.

 

And you're gonna have to tell her otherwise. I agree with the others suggestions so far. Let her know it's not in your comfort zone. If she asks why you didn't say anything before, just let her know it was pretty forward and you didn't know how to react. You're just getting to know each other after all and you didn't know if she was just being overly friendly for a few days or something

 

If she still doesn't get it, you might have to get physical. As in, remove her arms from you. Shrug off her hands from your shoulders. Flinch your head away from her if she touches your hair. If you've already discussed the comfort zone thing, then shrugging her off will further drive your point in. It may take a few times (and you may have to verbalize it again), but really it's not as aggressive as it sounds.

 

You'd just be sending clear messages that her gestures of affection aren't meant for you.

 

Hope that helps

[AwdreeHpburn]

I would just totally tell her. The longer you let it go on with out telling her, the more confused she's going to be about..."why all of a sudden" Just pull her aside and tell her.

 

Don't like, tell her in front of a bunch of your friends and embarrass her, but tell her.

 

I HATE it when people I DO know touch me, I freak when people I don't do that, so I'm with you all the way on this....

[sparkly]

yes i had this happen before if u just ignore them they'll get the message i had some old guy tell me he wanted me to have his babies.disgusting!!!!!i just told him to keep dreaming and he soon enough got the message

[skyjuice]

Hi

 

I had a work colleuges who always tell single girls and other work colleagues that he is still a virgin.

[Helen67]

I wouldn't want to label here, but personally I find it hard to believe that someone who was supposedly raped at gunpoint, can apparently be so touchy with others? Wouldn't most need to keep a distance, after their apparent trauma in life?

 

She's sounds to me more like an attention seeker, and your not doing yourself any favours staying in her company. The next thing will be wanting sleepovers, or going with her to parties and places you would not normally have any part of. Whether she is gay or bisexual or whatever is beside the point, I don't think you should play too much of a role in her life.

 

I'm NOT automatically calling her a liar, but perhaps you should cool it with her period. I can't see a true friendship maturing from this at all.

 

Helen x

[vermilion]

Thanks for all your replies. It's the weekend so I guess when I see her again I'll just stop saying things like "Don't!Your hands are cold!" and just tell her to not touch me. It seems so mean though...don't want to hurt her feelings.

 

I don't know what to do about the stories. Guess I just won't react or tell her I doubt she's telling the truth. Seems mean too...

 

I wouldn't want to label here, but personally I find it hard to believe that someone who was supposedly raped at gunpoint, can apparently be so touchy with others? Wouldn't most need to keep a distance, after their apparent trauma in life?

 

She's sounds to me more like an attention seeker, and your not doing yourself any favours staying in her company. The next thing will be wanting sleepovers, or going with her to parties and places you would not normally have any part of. Whether she is gay or bisexual or whatever is beside the point, I don't think you should play too much of a role in her life.

 

I'm NOT automatically calling her a liar, but perhaps you should cool it with her period. I can't see a true friendship maturing from this at all.

 

Helen x

 

I was thinking the same about the attention thing. And I don't even care about being friends with her, just don't want to hurt her feelings or anything. And I have my own mind, I don't just follow people to strange places and situautions, haha...

[NJRon]

As long as you are firm, yet polite, you can't help her feelings. You aren't responsible for them. She sure isn't respecting yours and, who knows, maybe she will once you make them known.