Boyfriend hanging out at bars with much older women

[Mackenzie17]

I've been having problems recently with my boyfriend attending bars/clubs on the weekends with his much older sister and her single female friends. He is 21and they are all in their mid thirties.

 

I am not the type of person to be controlling at all. I have been with my boyfriend for almost 4 years, he is very trust worthy.

 

I am having trouble understanding why he has to hang out with a bunch of 30 year old females at the bar on the weekends. I am not against the actual activity of it, or of him having a good time, just of who he is doing it with.

 

The reason why I do not care for his sister is because she is loud, immature, drinks a lot, and has never treated me with respect. Everyone in my boyfriends family that has met me has loved me, and I get along with everyone except her.

 

Obviously, she is his sister and it doesn't bother me if he goes to her house for dinner, or if they wanted to go to a movie. I do have a problem with him hanging out on a Friday or Saturday night with her and her friends at a bar.

 

He has many guy friends our age, so I do not understand what the appeal is of hanging out with them. His sister is extremely rude to me, she'll call me a * * * * * and pretend she's just joking around. My boyfriend tells me that she isn't like regular girls, and to give her a chance, and I have, but she has never shown me the time of day or been very friendly. One night when we were coming home from a family dinner and she was riding home with my bf and I, she asked him to go out to the bar that night. He said he couldn't because I am not of age, and she said "so, take her home and you and I will go out". Or she will ask him to go out and Friday and he'll tell her that he and I are going out to dinner and she will call 2 or 3 other times that night to ask again. What is her problem?

 

Is it ok for me to not like the thought of him hanging out with them? I don't feel like I have the right to tell him what he can and cannot do, but this is really bothering me. When I brought it up to him yesterday, he got really angry with me for just telling him that it makes me uncomfortable when he hangs out with girls that old and who are big party animals.

 

What does anyone think of this?

[amtjrtcet]

Welcome to ENA!

I can completely understand your anger and you being uncomfortable with this situation. I'm not sure why he would WANT to hang out with these women other then the facts its his sis, but still.

He should be supporting you. His sister reminds me of my b/fs older sis. She doesn't like me b/c I'm not black, and they are. Another story.

 

I think you should sit him down and have a serious convo with him about his. If he can't talk to you about it with out getting mad, then maybe you should re-evaluate your relationship. You guys have been together for 4 yrs, he should be more considerate.

[scarew]

Men are strange. If he knows that it makes you uncomfortable then he will probably want to do it more often. What are you doing when he is out partying? Are you out partying with your younger friends who can't go to the bar or are you pouting at home waiting for him?

[amtjrtcet]

Men are strange. If he knows that it makes you uncomfortable then he will probably want to do it more often. What are you doing when he is out partying? Are you out partying with your younger friends who can't go to the bar or are you pouting at home waiting for him?

 

Good question. Make sure you are out having a good time. When he calls, don't answer-call him back later. If he knows you're sitting at home waiting on him, then he won't have a problem goin out. But if he thinks you're having a good time with out him, he may change his mind about hanging out with the other women.

[shikashika]

hmnnn. we aren't going to like everything our partner does ... some things we have to live with.

 

iyou can talk to him about it, but then you may come accross as jealous or needy, even though you're not just something to think about

 

That is unfortunate that his sister acts that way... remmeber you are dating HIM not her... sometimes my brother can be annoying, if any guy didn't want to date me because of my brother, mother, cousin, aunt... then it shows a bit of immaturity on their part.

 

Why don't you find a group of guy friends to go out with when he goes out with his girl friends... it may not bother him at all... then you know its just harmless fun he's having..

[BellaDonna]

When he's gone out with his sister (other than at clubs), have you ever tried to come along? Have you ever been invited?

 

It does suck when you're not of age yet and then people try to convince him to "drop you off" and still go to a club. I remember that time in my life, and I was bummed. My husband was older than me and could get in places much sooner. If he did that to me (dropped me off on a whim) I'd probably be upset too. I understand.

 

What sticks out is not so much that he wants to spend time with his sister, but that she's so blatantly rude to you.

 

 

BellaDonna

[dogheadma]

I don't know what your schedules are like, but if you both have weekends off then you might want to point out that fri and sat nights are "prime time" and that you would like to spend it with him and see what he says. If that's not the case, then obviously that idea won't work. Just a thought. I'm personally not one for the "going out and avoiding his calls" approach. That seems kind of childish and inconsiderate to me and just because you don't like the way he's acting dosen't mean you have to stoop to the same level to get results. Telling him how you feel is always best thing for your relationship.

[Mackenzie17]

I am 20 so it's not like I'm that young. We are actually in a LDR right now because of school. He can have such double standards though. Whenever I go out anywhere, he's like how much did you drink? If I go to a dance club just to dance nothing else, he's like, did you dance with any other guys? Even when I wanted to go to my friend's house to spend the night (she has male and female roommates) he wasn't comfortable with that because there would be guys there.

So I really think he of all people should understand where I am coming from.

[Mackenzie17]

thanks very much for the advice everyone

[scarew]

Yah. See he is uncomfortable just like you are. It's normal in a young relationship don't worry. Make a point to go out to a dance club when he goes out with his sis. Don't be spiteful, just say, "OK your going out with ur sis sweetie? K well if my night's free I'll just call a few friends and maybe we'll go out. " Then do it. First of all it will distract you from thinking about him. Plus if he see's how ok you are with the situation then eventually he will want to do what you are doing, then maybe you can BOTH go to the dance club or something. Good luck hun,

 

Sarah

[rocio]

Are you uncomfortable with him going to the bar, or with his sister?

 

Because you can't change his sister, or his relationship with you. You shouldn't even try because they have a bond that is so much more deep that what you have with him.

 

As long as he makes time for you (he's not ditching you all the time to go to these bars) and as long as you trust him, then there really shouldn't be a problem. Maybe you don't like the fact that he's close to his sister, or maybe you are a bit insecure.

 

Remember: He's with you because he chose you and wants to be with you. If he wanted to be with an older woman at a bar, then he would have chosen that.