Dealing with Sexual Frustration "between a rock and a hard place"

[gckind]

Ok people so this is my first official post on this forum and I would greatly appreciate any advice or support that any of you could provide me. I've been in a serious comitted relationship for over two 1/2 years now and within the last year My girlfriend has been experiencing seveve pain associated with sex of any kind. She has a rare physical condition known as a vaginal septum which actuall means she has a double vagina. From the outside you would never know, and on the inside it feels fine just a little bit tighter than previous partners I have had which is not a problem for me. for some time now her severe pain has been interfearing with our relationship. I have what I believe to be an abnormaly active sex drive and I desire some form of sexual contact on a daily baisis (is this weird?) My girlfriend on the other hand seems to have lost all interest in sex which I believe is because it hurts her and is not pleasurable for her in any way shape or form. Don't get me wrong I can still make her cum but at what price? pain during and for hours after. "trust me I have tried every technique and then some" needless to say this has caused me much sexual frustration. SHe feels like a freak, always feels sexually inadaquet and has trouble discussing the issue with me. I love her very much and have always been faithful to her despite my levels of frustration. I have attempted to aliviate the situation somewhat by looking at porn but My girlfriend does not have an open mind towards pornography and has a firm believe that "It sexually exploits and degrades women" This means that she searches the house, my computer, and everywhere else in search of evidence that I look at porn and when she finds it there is hell to pay and I have to deal with an angry/Icecube for a girlfriend for what can and has proved to be extended periods of time. Due to my increasing sexual frustration regarding my relationship and lack of being able to find sexual release I take my frustrations out on my girlfriend in form of a negative attitude. This causes further problems in our relationship and it seems to be a perpetual cycle. I have been in relationships with other women where these things were never an issue however I have never loved anyone like I love my current Girl.

Last night after over two weeks of prolonged non sexual encounters my frustration level was reaching near critical levels. I decided that I am a man and it was time for me to instigate sex or go completely crazy. So I attemped to start things up... I rubbed her for a while in an attempt to turn her on, then I decided to take charge and tell her what positions I wanted "If I don't she would just lay there with her eyes closed". About three minutes into it she pulls me close so that I cannot see her face I wonder what is going on and i realize she is crying out of agony. She begged me to contienue, So I urged her to get on top... The pain was was so bad that she could not continue and wound up crying in a ball for over an hour. Needless to say it really messed me up in the head.

I had a realization that I don't know what to do and that I cannot deal with this frustration anymore, and that I cannot deal with this alone. I love my girlfriend very much and our relationship is wonderful otherwise. Does anyone have any advice or help they could offer me I am in desperate need.

[sparkle1]

Awww blimey. My heart goes out to you both.

 

You are very sincere, and you are not weird for wanting sex everyday!

 

Ummm...as for practical advise:

 

Have you tried anal sex as a release for you and her?

 

will she not pleasure you sexually without sex for you to have that release and intimacy?

 

i don't know anything about her condition so i can't help there...but i can't see why she can't get you off when you need it.

 

i also don't see why she is restricting your viewing of porn considering the prediciment you are in.

 

However - these aren't the issues and i appreciate that.

 

sounds like you have a wonderful relationship - and you need to express all of what you put to her. You clearly love her, and i think if you communicate you may find a happy medium?

[Juliana]

I don't know that her pain is related to her physical condition per se. There are other things that can cause pain; bacterial vaginosis, for example. If this pain is a recent thing, she should see a doctor.

[Mr.Mister]

Have you talked to her about maybe having surgery to make it normal? There a bunch of different kinds of that abnormality, so I'm not sure what all can be done, but she should go see a gynecologist and see. From what I know, she can have the middle wall removed to create one normal vagina; which will stop the pain of sex for her. Just talk to her about it and have her see a doctor.

 

But, also, you might want to just give her an orgasm without penatration and maybe see if she'll give you a bj or hj or something. Then you'll both be satisfied and she won't hurt. Just a thought.

[Rabican]

Sex is important to you, and she cant do it at all. You have 3 options.

1. Sexless relationship, in which case you will be so horny you will turn mean. You want sex, you want sex, I dont think theres much you can do besides take anti depressants to kill your sex drive.

 

2. Break up, or see someone on the side.

 

3. Talk to your girl, and say look I need to get off once in a while. I understand you do not enjoy sex but if you are not gonna allow me to watch porn to aid my frustation then how about you helping out (bj/ hj etc.)

 

I know it probably sounds harsh, but sex is a big part of a relationship... otherwise why not just be friends with someone. But if you cant reach some sort of a compromise maybe you two just arent meant to be.

I dont know much about her situation, can it be fixed? can sex ever be more comfortable for her? If so try to work it out... is there light at the end of the rainbow or not?

[cypress]

If it is only vaginal sex that seems to pain her there are other ways to give you both pleasure as well as intimacy. If she is feeling like you only want to penetration she is going to be turned off so you may want to discuss it.

 

Oral sex as well as tantric methods could be quite useful in your situation. Massage, baths, etc.. There are a lot of books out there with non-traditional examples.

 

Hopefully she will see that you are still attracted to her and satisfied with other forms of intimacy. She needs reassurance without pressure. Most women climax through stimulation to the clitoris anyway.

 

Hope that helps.

[hateithere]

vibrators are grrreeaaattt, get her one. As for you, you should be able to masterbate thinking about her, you shouldn't need to look to other women. See about surgery for her, but be sensitive when you bring it up... she will need to have surgery sometime, I mean she can't just not ever have sex... depression!