just been diagnosed - has anyone heard of BPD?

[KellyWyndham]

Hi everyone

So I was diagnosed yesterday with having Borderline Personality Disorder.

Apparently BPD affects 2% of the population and mostly women.

Symptoms include: instability in moods,

intense bouts of anger,

chronic feelings of emptiness

frantic efforts to avoid abandonment

impulsive, risky behaviour

 

I have many symptoms and have been suffering with them for as long as I can remember. If any of you have read previous posts of mine, you'll know I cling on to boyfriends and act very impulsively concerning sex in that I can't say no because it helps my self esteem.

Because I'd never heard of this illness before, I wondered if any of you have it or know anyone that does? I would really like to talk to some people who are like me or even just to know that they are out there.

Thanks

 

http://www.nimh.nih.gov/publicat/bpd.cfm

[AwdreeHpburn]

Hey Kelly -

 

Yes I am pretty familiar with this one and wouldn't be surprised by a diagnosis of my own but my mother has been diagnosed with that. Along with a sleu of others.

 

Did they prescribe any meds for you?

[AntiLove_SuperStar]

Yeah, very very familiar with that.

 

I have Bipolar disorder which is somewhat linked in it's symptoms, and I had a close friend with BPD. She was completely at the mercy of it, it was very difficult to watch sometimes.

 

You must be relieved to have received a diagnosis. There are some awesome support sites out there, use the magic of Google . . .it was useful when I wanted to find out about what my friend was suffering.

[Juliana]

Hi, I was diagnosed with it, lo these many years ago....over 20. BPD is something you can outgrow. There are tons of resources online to help you in getting the right therapy. Therapy is far, far more important than medication; when I was young, CBT was the popular therapy, but there is a new one now, DBT. I hear good things about it.

 

Personally, I never took medication. BPD has it's roots in PTSD, and the things that are effective for PTSD are effective for BPD, so the first thing you have to do is review Maslow's principles.

 

1. You have to be safe. Get out of any abusive situations right now. Nothing else will help you if you don't observe this.

 

2. You have to provide for your physical well-being: Eat at least three good meals a day, and eat at the same time everyday. Variety is not important; stock up the fridge with yogurt and fruit, sandwhich meat, cheeses, salads and breads. Get a multi-vitamin. Get 20 mins of hard exercise three times a week; running is good, but anything will do; biking, swimming, basketball. Get at least 7 hours of sleep a night, and try to keep the same bedtime every night. Make sure you are warm enough. People with BPD are usually pretty hard on themselves physically because their emotions are so wild that's all they focus on; make sure you are looking after your physical well-being; don't leave it up to a friend, boyfriend or parent to do it.

 

3. Keep a diary, write, paint, draw, sing. Gotta get those emotions vented in a positive way.

 

4. Make sure you are not over-spending; you need to provide for your own financial security. Make sure that you avoid destructive things like drinking, smoking and drugs; you don't need that on top of everything else you have to handle. Find a place to live, either at home if you're young, or with friends if you're out on your own. If you don't mind living alone, make sure that you are happy with your living space.

 

5. Talk to a counsellor, parent & friends about your long-term goals. Determine what you have to do to get there, and get started. People with BPD are often side-tracked by their emotional needs, and end up years below their peers in terms of accomplishments. It doesn't have to be this way.

 

Imagine yourself as a sports car that is constantly over-revving; you have to steer all that power in constructive directions, or it will turn inward and destroy you, or outward, and destroy others. There is a theory that people with BPD are just people who are capable of feeling more than other people; our "emotional volume control" just goes higher than others. It doesn't have to be curse to be so emotional; we can live richly. It's all a matter of taking control.

 

Good luck.

[KellyWyndham]

I'm so happy people know about this, so thankyou.

 

My counsellor and the doctor said that they don't like to give teenangers anttidepressents so for now it's just therapy twice a week but i've been having that for almost 2 years now and it doesn't help much.

 

I've been looking at some websites and am so relieved to have a reason for the way I'm feeling.

I'm sure I got this because of my parents; my mum was diagnosed with schizophrenia in her 20's and had a very abusive relationship with me from an early age.

 

I don't know, I geuss BPD to me is alot more serious and intrusive than it's made out to be.

 

Did any of you with bipolar or BPD recover easily?

How have your relationships been with people?

Do you have low self esteem, and how do you overcome them?

What about those horrible bouts of depression? It often feels like there is no way out.

[kellbell]

Hi there Kelly,

 

I do not know of anyone personally whom has been diagnosed with BPD but I have interviewed several clients whom have it.

 

I also worked on a grant that taught Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) and we had WONDERFUL results. It was simply amazing the change that took place among the clients. There is so much info out there about DBT and my Priniciple Investigater personally knows the developer of DBT, Marsha Lineham.

 

I really really urge you to look into DBT in your area or ask your therapist of he/she knows of any people whom teach it. Marsha Lineham designed the therpay SPECIFICALLY for BPD. I hope you feel better soon and take care.

[kellbell]

Here are some websites about DBT and BPD....

 

 

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Oh and here is a way to find a DBT therapist in your area...

 

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[Juliana]

I also had an abusive childhood. That's why everyone is saying now that BPD is just an extreme, entrenched form of PTSD -- take all the symptoms of PTSD and blow them up to cover a lifetime, and you get something that looks very like BPD. And it is something you can outgrow, which is not true of other personality disorders like histrionics (which typically gets worse) or narcissism (which can moderate significantly, but never really goes away).

 

So, with that in mind, your very first priority, always, has to be to keep yourself from being in abusive or dangerous situations, to keep yourself from being re-traumatized. Sometimes other people inflict trauma (parents, boyfriends, acquaintances). Sometimes we inflict it on ourselves (suicide attempts, cutting, drinking or drug use). Sometimes circumstances are bad for us (illness, accident). My first rule, the first rule ever, is to avoid pain. Avoid anything destructive -- people, actions, thoughts.

 

Your therapy won't work unless you are not in an abusive situation. That's just the bottom line; the BPD symptoms will not resolve until you are out of whatever abusive circumstances you might find yourself in. So you need to discuss with your counsellor, first of all, what therapy they are using (it should be DBT or CBT), and secondly, whether or not you are in an abusive situation right now. Therapy is very effective for BPD, but won't do a thing for you if you're being bullied at school, attacked at home, or beaten by a boyfriend. If you find that you are getting more suicidal, if you find that you are cutting more, if you find yourself needing to hurt yourself or starve yourself, that's a sign that you need to be aware of what's going on. When you are abused, you have the option to change things. That's something people with BPD don't always understand; you don't have to just take the pain into yourself. You can refuse it. That's what normal people do; they don't accept the pain. They say no.

 

I didn't recover easily. I didn't know any of this stuff I am telling you when I was younger, and I was in horrendously, horribly bad, bad relationships for years. It wasn't until I took control of myself and my life that I started to really improve. Therapy helped enormously.

 

My relationships with other people are weird, and have been weird, because people like me, sometimes very much, but they're never on the "same page" with me. I'm always either someone's guru, or someone's chew toy. My husband is really the first person who's just seemed to see me as an ordinary person who wants ordinary things out of life. My self-esteem is not great. But I have a few incredibly good friends. I have a husband who is not perfect, but who loves me. I have great kids who may actually turn out normal; it's possible... I have ex-boyfriends who "survived the fire," and who throw their strength behind me. I'm loved.

 

Depression used to hit me hard, and I learned to do two things: First of all, I tell myself that the emotion is an illusion. That depth, that intensity of despair, is not real. Not real. I force myself to move through it. I clean. I cook. If I can't do that, I take a warm bath, eat something, and go to bed and read or watch a movie, and cuddle my cat or my teddy bear (a teddy bear?! yess....I know... ). So: Either distract through action, or distract through self-comforting. I've learned to be able to look after myself. I do not indulge or dwell on the emotion.

 

Secondly, when it's passed, I explore what prompted the depression; what set me off. I change that situation, or deal with that preoccupation, or lose that friend; again, this is what normal people do. They don't just live in pain, they do things to get rid of it.

 

Don't give up. There is most definitely a way out. Have faith.

[kimber39069]

yeah...i've been diagnosed with the same plus bipolar and several other personality disorders. i don't have a blog site but i tell my story on link removed search Bipolar. i have suffered these disorders for 18 years and have learned the good and the bad from them. my story is kind of long but i tell it in hopes that it helps others who suffer from these disorders and their family and mates. it's called..Bipolar: what they are ashamed to tell.

god bless.

[jengh]

you're definitely not alone. I have bi-polar and the psychiatrist told me he thinks there's a good chance I have BPD also.. I have the exact same 'symptoms'...pretty much all of them. I don't know anything really about it, but I just wanted to say that you're not alone. It's scary and hard to deal with but with proper help, it's manageable.

[itsallgrand]

HOLY SH/T!!!

 

....................Thank You. Thank You. Thank You.

 

Thank you, Kelly, for starting this thread.

Thank you Juliana.

 

I am in Round 3 of treatment. Round 1: Sexual abuse and abusive 'tendencies'/anger management.

Round 2: PTSD treatment

 

Round 3: NOW. Been diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder. With accompanying anxiety and depression.

 

After all these years, you have no idea (unless you have travelled a similiar route, and I love you all and am in admiration for all who fight the good fight) it feels to get this diagnosis.

 

I didn't even know what BPD was. When looking at material and speaking to (innumerable) mental health workers, if there was information on BPD I would skim it quickly and pass by it uneasily.

 

I didn't want to be that, though it struck a cord deep inside me.

 

I KNOW I can outgrow this and work on this to become more of the person I want to be.

 

I only needed the HOW to work on this. I needed to know what was wrong.

 

This is only beginning for me, working on it. But, c'mon!: the way I figure it is:

If I could tackle Trauma - going from a numb traumatized person who felt souless and terrorized with every breath - to a person who can now get a peaceful night's sleep and look at another human being without breaking out in nightmare thoughts and reactions -

 

well, I can do this! Frankly, I am excited. Relief....more like, feels like I have been FOUND again.

I EXIST. I only need the help - that I now getting.

 

And I am so so grateful for all the people who have got me to where I am now. Yes, there were a lot of hardships and people who didn't understand, who couldn't help (but sometimes wanted to convince me they could), but I have been blessed.

No one does it alone.

 

..........Thanks for listening.

 

KELLY: I am so excited for you, because, you are so young and have found help so early.

You have a great future waiting for you. You will improve - if you keep going.

**hugs**

[itsallgrand]

I'd love to hear more about y'alls experiences and struggles, if you will.

 

Wow. This rocks.

[Juliana]

I went looking for therapy from very early on. From the time I was quite young, I was attempting to get away from destructive people in my life. I got myself a shrink. I checked myself into the psych ward at one point -- all this before I was 20. I kept looking for help, and I think some of it did help. The important thing is to keep your eye on the prize, keep moving forward, keep bringing those real feelings forward, keep expressing yourself in words, keep letting yourself feel. Give yourself permission to be, give other people permission to fail you, know that you will survive and that you can love and trust people, even if they "fail" you.

 

I know you're afraid of the diagnosis -- you hear the horror stories, and there are many, but look at me. I have such a boring, ordinary life. My problems right now are strictly "in my head" -- lol -- I have trouble keeping myself from routing all my thoughts through the borderline filters. The borderlines who, like me, just live a "normal life" don't get written or talked about. You would be wise to consider who you want to tell your diagnosis to because there is very real stigma attached to it. You're an individual, and people need to meet you as a person, not a diagnosis.

 

The amount of discipline that is required to stay healthy and to move forward out of borderline thinking is just incredible. People don't realize how hard recovering borderlines have to work for every bit of insight and illumination. The things I wrote earlier in this thread aren't suggestions; this is how I have to live. It's not optional. Marsha Linehan has a workbook out on DBT; I'm going to check into it. I've been using a book called "The Angry Heart" to good effect. I am going to undertake therapy again as soon as I can locate a good shrink.

 

I think that there is something to be gained from learning and reading about borderlines and the symptomology and so on, but to be honest, you should locate someone you consider to be mentally healthy, and go hang out with them. You can pick up good mental habits from the people you associate with. It's crucial that they respect you, however. I have a couple of people I think of when I need to be nudged into my better self; people who have shown me an image of myself as I think I could be. It's a goal I strive towards -- not to be "normal," but to be fully me, fully aware, and not in pain.

 

I know how hard you must have struggled to get to this point. Believe it or not, the hardest part is over. From now on, it's not as difficult. From this point on, you should begin to see some real returns on your struggle.

[itsallgrand]

Juliana, I appreciate your words and the thoughtfulness it took to write that out. That was very nice of you, it helps a lot.

 

I wasn't freaked out by the diagnosis. Until I started researching and reading the horror stories.

Now I am a bit. Only because it is starting to sink in.

You are so right about being careful about who I tell. I feel I can talk about it here, because I still basically anonymous.

I was so 'excited' after finding out that I wanted to tell everyone and blab to the world.

I know it would not be smart to do that.

I called my brother. He knows, and also one close friend who was diagnosed earlier this year with bipolar. He's been great in understanding a lot of how frustrating it is looking to get better, finding the right help, dealing with day to day encounters with people who don't understand. That sort of thing.

And he is very encouraging. I'm grateful for him. He is one that reminds me that I am 'normal' in the sense you were saying. Just another human being.

 

I almost regret telling my brother already, even though we are close and he has seen a lot of my weird behaviors. Only because, though I know he is trying to be supportive, I do worry about how this will affect his vision of me and put an unnecesary burden on him. I don't want him worrying about me.

 

It is really hard. So much seems hard. You know, a lot of simple things that it feels like other people can take for granted. My aim is not to gather sympathy or to indulge in self pity here. It just feels good to tell it how it is for me.

It feels hard to take care of myself. It feels hard to see. It feels difficult to control myself.

 

I am printing out that other post of yours. I find it very helpful. I think it will be good to see it when I am having a hard time. To remind me the moment will change, and that someone else knows what it is like.

 

My life is pretty ordinary and boring too. lol. Most people who meet me seem to like me, I can get by in social situations. Thanks to all the work done so far, I don't rush off in horrid tirades with people anymore, and I can control my temper enough that I can show others basic respect.

 

I really related to what you said about people often coming to as a guru figure or a as chewtoy. The running of extremes.

 

My ex, who I was with for several years, did teach me a lot about myself. I always felt like he saw me human and more as I am. And there were a lot of times I didn't have a clue who I was, and put him through intense shifts in gear. In his words "when you're good, you're the best. Charming, loving, treat me like gold. But when you are bad, it is as though you are possessed, and I don't know you. "

 

He was, is, a good man. Unfortunately, I couldn't do what had to be done. And there was no way to have him understand it wasn't for lack of trying; or that i didn't know how to do something different.

He did, and does, deal with reality quite well and responded appropriately (more or less, he is human too, with flaws, some pretty glaring!).

 

Your life sounds nice to me, Juliana. All in all. It makes me feel good to hear it. That there are 'ordinary, boring' lives being led while having a set of problems to fall under this label I'm still trying ot wrap my head around. Sometimes, want to yell 'enough bloody labels for me! I'm just a nutball already. Easy enough.'

 

Ordinary, boring life with a nice home, a nice companion, nice friends, nice work and living ones life...that is my dream, really. Drama has little appeal to me.

[Juliana]

From my perspective, the basic problem of being borderline is a feeling that we will cease to exist without someone to love us. Everything seems to revolve around that terror of being abandoned, that stems from the original abandonment, which I had in spades, being first given up by my birth mother (who hung around enough just so I'd know she didn't want me full-time), and then my adoptive mother had "issues" that she took out on me, all the time.

 

Fortunately, I met someone when I was 12, and fell madly in love. Love at first sight. Given my psychology, it's possible to put all kinds of interpretations on how or why I loved him, but I look around at the other shining examples of mental health in the world, and think perhaps my love doesn't have to be measured by any greater yardstick than my own awareness of it and the effect it had on me. At twelve, the worst, most damaging events in my life were just beginning to happen, and this love was with me through all my life. Now, as an adult, I can look back and trace so much strength and hope and ambition to my relationship with him.

 

And to some extent, he became the "inner voice" of reassurance that my parents never were. I could seriously hope, not that he was in love with me as I was in him, but that he saw me and accepted my love and that -- I don't know; it was a quality about him -- that he could love me unconditionally, regardless of what happened with the relationship. For a borderline, to be handed this kind of legitimacy in the world is priceless. Some people who've studied the illness believe that this cures borderline personality disorder; the perception of unconditional love.

 

I don't let go of that anymore, even now, even after everything that happened with us. The things that I experienced loving him over all those years were real. We were real.

 

That's how I know I can get better. That's how I know there is more to me than this; I can remember a time when the clouds parted, and there was nothing but blue sky, and him.

 

I could be wrong of course. But I doubt it.

 

A couple of things you might find helpful: Borderlines compulsively confess. You may find yourself telling people, not only your diagnosis, but all kinds of really too intimate stuff about yourself. As you become more in touch with your emotions, this will become less necessary. And as well, if you find like me that you are either a guru or a hobo for people, it's because that's the only terms you'll allow them to approach you on. It's another borderline thing to imagine that other people always control what happens in relationships, when really, we are doing our fair share. I know that people approach me as a friend, and I have a hard time dealing with that. Simple praise, friendship, compliments, etc. I feel I must either be of use, or be discarded; I don't know who "I" am for anyone to be friends with.

 

A few thoughts. It's early. I'll get on with my day now.

[itsallgrand]

Lightbulbs going off all over the place! Compulsive confessions: oh yeah.

 

Nodding along to your stories and experience, listening with much interest. Thank you for sharing that with me. Truly.

 

Now, have a nice day! prodding myself to get off my butt and go out.