How to get rid of him (long story)

[Malady]

I met a guy a month ago at work. He asked me for my phone number and I gave it to him. My coworkers thought I did a bad thing but I didn't think anything wrong of it. The first time he called me he had said he wanted to go out (movies, dinner, etc.). Of course I was excited, I haven't had a date in years lol. A few days later he called me and asked me to meet him at a park at 8pm. The whole idea was suspicious and I wanted to see him at least in the daylight around people. He goes and says "I don't want to be seen" okay.... Little naive me couldn't see pass his strange behavior and I made a date to see him after work (daylight), he agreed.

 

First of all he doesn't drive, he rides his bicycle (he's 25 although he denies it). Second he wanted to walk me home, see the problem. Then again I agreed. We took a short cut home and here was the problem. He pulled me into the bushes and expected me to strip and have sex with me. I told him no but he kept pushing it. Then he asked me if I could blow him. Stupid me actuallly did for a little bit ](*,). After the whole ordeal he asked me to do it again but I denied, jerk.

 

After that day he began harassing me 3 to 4 times a day on the phone. I decided not to answer three days later. It didn't solve anything because he showed up at work looking for me. I'm not even in a valid relationship with him! Everyday he would call me and demand to see me. Half of this is my fault too because I would lead him on thinking something good could actually stem from this.

 

Anyways, one day I gave in and invited him over. I told him I wasn't feeling well because it was that time of the month. Over the phone he told me he didn't want to come over for sex, he just wants to hang out with me and watch a movie. He lied.... When he came over, he still wanted something from me. He even asked me for anal I drew the line at this point but before he left he said "Don't invite any other guys over". The nerve!

 

He still calls me everyday but I don't answer my phone. I just want him to leave me alone. He's insulted, forced, and harassed me. Even when I decide to answer the phone and tell him to go away, he doesn't understand. He still forces himself on me and blames my mom for telling me things. Any suggestions?

[BellaDonna]

You need to firmly tell him the leave you alone and that things are not working out between you and you do not want to hear from him ever again. You need to stick to it.

 

If he continues to contact you, tell him that the next step will be a restraining order. If he continues to contact you even after that, and your feel that your safety is threatened, call the police.

 

He still forces himself on me

 

When you say that, if you mean that he is still forcing himself on you physically- then call the police right away.

 

If he leaves you harassing messages, be sure to save them- as they can serve as evidence for the legitimacy of the restrianing order.

 

BellaDonna

[Malady]

I'll try and I hope it works. The whole restraining order thing is scary. I always envision someone getting killed

[Brawnee]

You need to scare him off. Find a large male friend/ family member of yours and hang out with him more often. Let him answer the phone for you. If this guy is anything like you described, he may be the stalking type. I don't wanna make you worried, but you need to be careful. If all else fails you can go the legal route and get a retraining order. That kinda sux, but remember that you have the option to not be preyed upon.

[BellaDonna]

He still forces himself on me and blames my mom for telling me things.

 

Does your mom, or anyone else know about how he has been harassing you?

 

BellaDonna

[Ash]

I think Brawnee's idea has some merit.

 

I suspect this guy you got tangled with is a bit cowardly and if he got the idea you were with somebody else I think he'd back off and disappear in short order. It doesn't need to get confrontational as long as whoever you can enlist as a surrogate boyfriend (or protector, or even older brother or father type figure) is willing to make himself noticed. I think having him answer your phone when the guy you're having an issue with phones you is a good idea.

 

As BellaDonna asks, if there are more people who know about this, I think it will also back him off. It also gives others an indication of what you're up against so if anything further happens, they'll already be advised and have a better idea of what to do to help you.

[Strictly4MyGrind]

I hope you are okay.

 

He has already made you do things you dont want to do.

 

First of all he sounds like a real freak, tell your boss, tell your friends, if you have any good male friends tell them maybe even ask them if they could make him leave you alone.

 

You should tell the police, these type of people shouldnt be around normal human beings.

 

I hope you take care of yourself. And do the right thing. Get rid of this fool.

 

takecare.

[BellaDonna]

I think the key is to not let him think you are alone dealing with this. If he knows that others are aware of this behavior (like your family, or some guy answering your phone) then he may back off. Don't let him think he has any control or special privleges in your life.

 

He is only acting like this for one reason, and that is because he is truly a coward. You just need to find what makes him scared.

 

My guess is that he probably already has a criminal record of some kind (i.e. other restraining orders). If things get worse, don't hesitate to get the police involved.

 

 

BellaDonna

[chai714]

The problem I see is that you kept inviting him over and seeing him. He figured, "she must like me since she agrees to continue seeing me." You giving him oral in the bushes is not indicating in any way that you don't want to see this man. You're just as guilty as he is for wanting it because you gave it to him.

 

If you really want to indicate that you don't want him in your life, cut him out. Lose his number, go full no contact. Otherwise, any attention you give him is enough for him to keep coming around.

[Malady]

Brawnee

 

I suspected he was the stalking type after I read an article about such behavior. Maybe I can get my cousin or uncle to have him leave me alone. There's also this guy who lives accross the hall. He's a bit of a giant but I think he could scare him

 

 

Ash

 

It's funny, one day he asked me if I had any family living in my apartment complex and he freaked when I said my uncle.

 

Belladonna

 

I've told my mom but her only sound advice is to answer my phone when he calls. I told her repeatedly he doesn't listen to me. I also know someone else from work who knows him and boy did he get pissed one day when I talked about him. He acted as if he didn't know her. Yes, he had a criminal record but I don't know for what. My friend from work told me he had to go to bible school because he was really bad.

 

 

Strictly4MyGrind

 

I could tell his boss that he's harassing if he shows up at work looking for me again.

 

chai714

 

Okay so I am little at fault. Sometimes you just want a playmate but he's a control freak!