weight problems affecting intimacy

[ender1]

I love my wife no matter what, but she is overweight, and it pretty much limits things a lot in the sack if you know what I mean.

 

She's trying to lose but not very successful at it. I'm not sure what to do really. Yes she would be more attractive if she was thinner, but my main issue is that there's not a whole lot going on in the bedroom because of it.

 

I don't know if I should say something to get her motivated. She knows I don't care about her weight as far as my love for her. It's like we got married and now she doesn't care about her appearance as much because she knows I don't give her a hard time about it.

[Beec]

ender1, if you want to help her, try adjusting both your and her diet and exercise habits. If you decide to improve in both areas, you can drag her along with you, which may be your main objective. Also, if you make any comments about her health, it should be to the effect that you want to keep her around for a long time.

 

If you wife gets some exercise, it may really help where you want it to.

[Day_Walker]

All you can do is help and encourage, otherwise the results are going to be horrible.

[Jamiegirl]

You guys need to do a work out plan togeather and do this togeather. Only encourage her with good words. not only will this motivate her, but in the long run i believe it will bring you guys closer together and make things better in the bedroom.

[Survictor]

Oh Woah... you must be gentle so you do not make her feel like she disgusts you!

 

Say you really want to get fit and eat healthily and would she join you on your health kick and book her into a hairdressers for a 'treat' or book her in for a manicure etc. That way, she will feel beautiful, valued, pampered and healthy too.

[jengh]

Oh Woah... you must be gentle so you do not make her feel like she disgusts you!

 

Say you really want to get fit and eat healthily and would she join you on your health kick and book her into a hairdressers for a 'treat' or book her in for a manicure etc. That way, she will feel beautiful, valued, pampered and healthy too.

 

oh god...please be gentle...I just posted about this exact same thing yesterday except, I'm in your wife's position. When I asked him why he never wanted to have sex, he said "for the same reason I stopped with my ex" "and why was that?" "she gained 30lbs. It was no longer enjoyable. I've noticed you have quite a bit too..." something to that extent... If he would've said it to me in person, I'd have punched him...

 

DO NOT!!!!!! be harsh. It will seriously crush her.

 

Like everyone else has said... Bring it up saying something like, "We should start *enter physical activity here* together. Or, "I need to start eating healthier. Maybe we should see if we can stop eating fried food" or something.

 

Since he won't tell me, maybe you could enlighten me: Exactly what about the weight gain makes it hard to have sex?

[Survictor]

I have heard men friends say that making love to a fat girl is better than a boney one!

[jengh]

I have heard men friends say that making love to a fat girl is better than a boney one!

 

Apparently not for Ender1 and my boyfriend...

and im not fat...he's just being a douche because he weighs less than me (he's 6'2, 140lbs!!!!!)

[ender1]

Thanks for the comments, I am going the "let's workout" route.

 

What is the problem you ask? Well, basically she has no energy to be energetic in bed. If she is on top, she's practically ready to faint in 30 seconds, so it's pretty much on her back and I'm doing all the work, which is totally fine by me, but it's just boring and routine and unsatisfying. Also, the length of time we can make love is really short when I would like to make more of a night of it. If it can go 30 mins we're lucky. Also, if she's totally laying on top of me, I literally can't take a breath, as funny as that sounds, it's gravity.

 

I'm mainly talking about those times when it's nice to mix it up a little and be more energetic and active. Sometimes it's more slow and everything is fine.

 

Hope that answers the question.

[hopelesscase]

I think the best route is as other people have stated, start to eat healthy together and do exercise together, go for walks at the weekend or join the gym together, that way it is not saying she is overweight but helping you both get fitter and healthier.

 

My partner is overweight and it does not bother me what she looks like is the person that counts, but we do try to eat healthly and go for walks, try different sports makes it fun for both of us and we both benefit.

[SilverManic]

I never had a problem in the bed room with my husband and he's over 300lbs. Why would it make things difficult. But of course if she feels bad about it then help her but if she's happy how she is then she shouldn't have to change. I put on 30 lbs when I got over here because I can't get to a gym and I'm still 180. I do not consider myself that over weight.

[adideas]

It is certainly easy to accidentially make a comment or a look that hurts and discourages her from working out. I have gained weight in the last couple of years due to stress - I eat when I'm stressed. My husband has accidentally made comments or looked at me in a way and all it does is make me discouraged and want to eat more and not care about my looks. And, yes, the sex is pretty infrequent.

 

HOWEVER, I can tell you how I'm losing weight that is great! Go buy the Beachbody DVD's for her. That will take about 45 minutes a day. And at least an hour on the treatmill a day (she'll have to work up to that). And eat 6 small meals a day. I've done the South Beach and also the Michael Thurman Get America Fit thing. They are basically the same - 6 small meals, not a whole lot of carb, lots of veggies and lean protein.

 

It's a catch 22 - she has no energy because she's over weight. So she has to exercise to get energy. Tell her to push play on a video, get out with you and the dog for a walk. Just get moving.

 

YOU, go buy a book called the Great American Sex Diet. In 30 days you will rekindle the romance and sex in one shot. You'll love it! Good luck!