accidentally sent an email to the ex but i feel better

[crvers]

There is going to have to be a point where you realize you are expending an enormous amount of energy and thought on such a person and it's draining you. I hope you can let go. You seem like a bright guy, but you are also being a bit unbendingly stubborn yourself by holding onto this grudge against her. Instead of realizing that you two were mismatched, she's emotionally immature and possibly narcissistic, and it's over - and it's GOOD it's over.

 

I have to agree with Scout - Deej.

 

I think you have found some answers you required. But at the point, it will be like pounding your head against a brick wall. ](*,) ..I think its time to fully end all communication and thoughts patterns surrounding her. She obviously has no want/ or care to be with you/be friends/ be civil...

 

Its time to move on. I'm sorry if this sounds harsh, but I think we both know that this is the only thing left to do. AND its just not worth it to think about all the opinions of everyone involved in the situation, because its a waste of your time and energy..Time and energy you coudl focus on yourself.

[Scout]

You're welcome, deej! Heck, I've been following your threads for so long now, I can't stop, lol.

 

The one thing I have a little concern for is you're going to end up hating this girl, which is just going to be an extension of continued energy spent on her. If you could possibly get to a place where you simply recognize you misread her and she has limitations that it's going to be hard for any guy to overcome, I think it will help you take all this less personally. Which is what I sense is holding you back from moving on. That you take this as a personal condemnation or something of your value, your worth, your desirableness in a relationship, etc.

 

Honestly, having following your story for some time now, I can tell you that nothing could be further from the truth. I'll tell you something else, most of us have been in relationships where we misjudged the person or their feelings, and got burned.

 

Now, I'm not saying you're perfect, or you that you don't have issues yourself...but which one of us is perfect?? None of us. The important thing is to know you have control over how you act and behave in a relationship, and that it works best when you find someone of equal emotional maturity.

 

You learned a lot from this relationship, so it wasn't a waste, either. You know that saying...an eNot member has it in their signature, actually..."If the day wasn't your friend, it was your teacher." Same with relationships, if we allow ourselves to learn from them.

[deejay74]

yes, the good thing is i do have closure... FINALLY!

 

i think that my aggravation with getting all the answers at this point is the fact i had to wait 10 months to find all of this out.

 

another thing that i want to point out is how out of touch i think my ex is with her feelings. i know jenny_mcs thinks otherwise but if she was in tune with her feelings, she would've recognized that she thought i was smothering her when something was bothering her or shortly thereafter. not 10 months later.

 

yes, i do take all of this very personally and i really don't know how else to take it. i have to go see my therapist now so i think i will bring this up, again.

 

i will try not to hate this girl like you've suggested, but if i feel that i am being drawn towards her for some odd reason i am going to dig up those emails she sent and revisit the anger i have so i can move in the opposite direction.

[Scout]

Well, now it sounds like you might be prone to stubbornly hold on to a new grudge: that you didn't get the answers and closure you wanted when you wanted it.

 

Let's not go there, deej.

[crvers]

...again...time to let it go buddy...you've come so far, achieved so much...anger, and trust me I have felt a burning desire of it for so long I forgot what it was like not to, is just a waste of time. Its a waste of time becuase your the only one feeling/experiencing it...the ex is not.

 

You just need to let go...what is...is...and nothing will change that. The best thing you can do for YOURSELF is move forward, look to the great future that lies ahead, and realize that she wasn't right for you and the best outcome did occur. Put that in your head, and think about it everytime you get angry or lonely. And eventually someone is going to come along who will be better suited.

[crvers]

ps....delete the emails, msn history...block her myspace from your computer and head!!! It will do you no good reminiscing in the anger....

[deejay74]

ps....delete the emails, msn history...block her myspace from your computer and head!!! It will do you no good reminiscing in the anger....

 

i did that right after she dumped me. the only emails i have are the ones she sent yesterday.

 

i also haven't looked at her myspace page in months and months until last night. again, i really didn't see anything surprising or hurtful. i just saw that stupid blog entry she posted.

 

but you and scout are right, i am going to try and not be angry and realize that i dodged a bullet with this girl. i am almost there!

[Scout]

but you and scout are right, i am going to try and not be angry and realize that i dodged a bullet with this girl. i am almost there!

 

Good. And her blog entry was stupid, I entirely concur. Not to mention completely deluded.

 

I still say instead of hating her for all this, to just realize you made an honest mistake in your judgement of her, and you have the insight you need now to accept things.

[crvers]

So Deej - to recap what is the quote of Today for you:

 

Today I move ___

[Jordan5571]

Besides what everyone has said, I agree with but I will not repeat them. But I will say this: This girl is obviously f***ed up... Look at her blog, if she had so many exes and all were drama, she obviously sucks at this. She will ruin any good relationship. Even though it sounds like she communicates well after the math (same as my ex, she couldnt talk to me durning, but after it was very easy for her, and hurtful for me).

 

Hang in there man... I had a psycho, and it wasnt until long after did I realize it and was able to snap out of it.

 

Best thing is, when you are over her, you will be REALLY over her. Because of her psyco tendencies. Trust me, you will meet a girl, it may or may not work out, but if she is level headed at all, it will seem like heavan afterword. You will laugh on how the fact that you and I dated such...

[Scout]

Not sure I'd label deejay's ex as a psycho. We don't know enough about her to surmise she fits into such a drastic label. What we know so far is she has severe limitations that affect her ability to maintain a relationship, and that she has some emotional maturing to do. And possibly has some narcissistic qualities.

[Jordan5571]

I agree, I was refferring only to the blog. And relating it to my previous ex's. We do not know if she is phycho, however, the second I came to that conclusion about mine, it helped! Hopeing to pass on the same. Not prejudge (although, truthfully, since she is not here, and deejay is our friend, I am leaning to his side when it is coming to the lables)!

 

 

[Scout]

We do not know if she is phycho, however, the second I came to that conclusion about mine, it helped!

 

LOL, Jordan! It does help our "pride" to conclude our exes are messed up. I just would caution not to do that to the extent that we overlook a few areas where we ourselves could improve.

[Jordan5571]

very true, Scout! Very Wise!

[deejay74]

So Deej - to recap what is the quote of Today for you:

 

Today I move ___

 

on, onward, upward, forward. take your pic!

 

thanks crvers, jordan and again scout.

 

i just got back from my therapy session and discussing this issue with her made more sense for me. in fact, we did touch upon what you said about her, scout. about how it's really her problem that she cannot deal with me in a adult manner. it's still very hard for me to not take it personally because i have never been in my ex's position before. i have never NOT wanted to be friends with someone just because. people i am not friends with i don't like. i am not friends with them for a specific reason so it's hard for me to put myself in my ex's shoes. it's going to take me a while to understand her motives and it will also take me some time to not take all of this personally.

[Scout]

it's going to take me a while to understand her motives

 

deejay...I actually just re-read her emails to you. And I feel terrible saying this, but...I'm starting to see some of her points. And that, on a second and third read, my take is that she did take pains to carefully explain things to you.

 

She said she felt smothered, and that's why she ended the relationship (she also notes at the time she hadn't conclusively realized that she felt smothered, so couldn't give you a clear reason).

 

Then she said she didn't want to remain friends because she sensed you were not over her, and I think what she means by that is that she felt your intentions were for something more than being friends. She said she felt that boundaries needed to be put into place. For your own good, not just her's.

 

 

Fast forward ten months later, after months of saying you have no clue why you were dumped. Fast forward to today, when you got several emails from her that gave you more information, a lot more information. You're still questioning. You're still mad at her. You've got a whole new set of questions.

 

Yet, with all this new questioning and emotion...you are barely, if at all, acknowledging what she's telling you are the reasons for everything.

 

Instead...you're turning it back to you. For example, because you have stayed friends with people in the past, it makes no sense she doesn't choose to do this with you.

 

This tendency may be why you are having a hard time accepting her reasons and this break up. Because you are comparing everything to what you would do. It's almost as if another person isn't even involved in this equation.

 

I am so hesitant to say this. Because I almost feel like I'm completely reversing my opinion on everything here, and I know that's going to be confusing to you, too. But...this dogged refusal to accept she simply didn't feel the same way as you...about the relationship and staying friends after the relationship...is almost a tad narcissistic, too!

 

At this point, you have been pining over this relationship for far longer than it actually lasted. You don't seem to be registering what she's trying to tell you.

 

I have to say, I think it's the rejection and not getting what you want that you are mourning more over, not the actual person who rejected you.

[Scout]

Ok, this is turning to utter confusion...deej, just got your private message which you wrote before I posted the above. In it, you refer to her blog on MySpace, and I forgot about that. She did post a mean blog, so I have to say that even though I see some of her points in her emails to you, I absolutely don't see any of her points in her rude blog.

 

In another words, both of you are incredibly ill-suited for and bring out the worst in each other. Get over it, friend, please GOD.

[deejay74]

no worries scout. i can understand your points of view and there is a bit of truth in what you say.

 

yes, it's very hard for me to understand things people do that i haven't done. i am not talking about simple things, i am talking about complicated dealings with human nature. maybe it is a bit narcissistic on my part but i wanted to understand why she was doing what she was so that it would help me get a better grip on the whole big picture. again, it took her 10 months to figure out her reasons why.

 

now she posts on her blog that she's got some "Crazy Stalker". yeah right. once again, she is flattering herself and it's all about her. i won't look at it anymore, i was just had a feeling she posted again. funny how she cannot accept part of the responsibility for what is going on here. it's not completely my obsessed ways or my inability to let this go completely that's making it continue.

 

if there is anyone on here that wants this drama to end, it's me. but i also know that i did perpetuate things in my mind. i still will never regret the fact that i did try to make things cool between us more than once. i also apologized for the immature behavior i did shortly after the break up.

 

i just set my profile to "private" so she can't see anything on it and i blocked her too. but that only prevents her from sending emails to me. i deleted her number a long time ago and i blocked her from AIM. all i did was accidentally send her an email over the weekend and looked what it caused!! i think this was supposed to happen tho.

 

well, i promise to you all, and to myself that this is stopping NOW! yes i got the answers i wanted but now she is stooping to a level that i don't want to go down. i am very disappointed it escalated to her calling me names on her blog and her blaming everyone else, especially me, for her current situation. and i just found out that my suspicions she left me for someone else has been confirmed. his name is Marco and that is the other ex she is talking about. and she is calling for him in her last blog entry saying that she'll take is sh*t anyday over this.

 

no more, it's done, over with, kaput. even if i still have some "issues" with all of this, i'll keep it to myself from now on.

[crvers]

OKay, just to continue jumping in on this:

 

It understandable to have questions. Its understandable to NOT understand her reasoning. And yes, she did place a rude blog on her space. But these are all additional things to her first email stating she is done.

 

Deej, You have to consiously decide your finished. Finished asking questions. Finished trying to get a rise out of her. I know what your doing becuase I did it too. I deleted my ex from my msn, I blocked her, I filtered her emails...feeling that I was gaining control of my life about it. It didn't help...it has nothing to do with outside forces your trying to willful push your opinion/life/judgement/irrational thought/misunderstanding onto her...

 

You just need to let it all go. Let go of the notion of her remaining in your life. Let go of the confusing thoughts you have surrounding her, because all it is is wasted energy. Let go of any thought she may want to come back into your life. Let go of the resentment of her not wanting your love. You just need to let it go and move on with your life....

 

I am at a loss of what else to say, again I am not meaning to sound harsh but I feel for ya Deej. We're all in this with you together, and we all want to see you get through this. You need to stop asking the questions of why and just realize it is what it is. And it over my friend. Its just over and all you doing is fighting a ghost whose not coming back...

 

And at this point all I see is controversy over something that is a dead end. You two conflict with one another...bottom line.

 

The story has come to an end. Forced hand, fate, karma: any of it, it gave you the chance for answers...and you got some. Now its time to stop asking anymore questions.

[deejay74]

you're absolutely right. i actually have nothing else to say.

[Scout]

deej...you ok? I know her blog post is probably upsetting you. It's immature and dumb of her, I know. But try not to get provoked into doing anything else. Let's let this be as far as the unpleasantness goes.

 

Crvers and I are just trying to tell you the facts as we see them, but of course we're not abandoning you here or telling you to be quiet. You do know that, right?

[crvers]

Yeah man, I am just trying to be as supportive as possible....And I do want you to get through this.

[deejay74]

deej...you ok? I know her blog post is probably upsetting you. It's immature and dumb of her, I know. But try not to get provoked into doing anything else. Let's let this be as far as the unpleasantness goes.

 

Crvers and I are just trying to tell you the facts as we see them, but of course we're not abandoning you here or telling you to be quiet. You do know that, right?

 

Yeah man, I am just trying to be as supportive as possible....And I do want you to get through this.

 

no i know. i meant that i don't know what else to say on here. i also feel slightly embarrassed at the posts i've been posting since january. i know that most, if not all, of this crap is my inability to let things go and to accept things as they are.

 

but honestly, calling me a stalker on her blog when i haven't seen, talked to, text'd, or whatever to her in months!! i am taking these insults that are obviously directed at me personally. this is a new side of her that i've never seen or expected.

[Derailed]

Wow, her second email was seething. I think this woman is not in touch with her emotions at all. Seems to me like she has never felt heartache, and if indeed she has, then she has not learned anything from it. Lessons like compassion and respect. There are more sociopaths out there than we care to admit. That is all I can say.

 

You are better off without her. Stay strong.

[deejay74]

i feel a need to post this so that people on here can see the other side of things. i know i may have been a bit "obsessive" over trying to get closure, but this is ridiculous!

 

"Stalker in full effect

 

In a world full of men who run from their emotions, I get the one who's emotions are running wild like a little b*tch. Figures. QUIT STALKING ME YOU EMOTIONAL RETARD!

 

M, if you are reading, i will take your randomness any day over this ridiculous sh*t!

My gut told me not to respond. I should have listened. I guess I was feeling sad for him. Next time, I will follow my heart and my gut and just let it be. Someone that is obsessed will never get it! Not the he is obsessed with me, but someone that is emotionally obsessive in general. CRAZY!!!!"

 

"m" is that guy marco who, i can only guess, she decided to let go. i can empathize with the guy. something i never thought i'd hear myself say.

 

okay, enough of my posts on this topic.