I can't sleep thinking of this..... :(

[ZoeMatthews]

I posted back in Oct/2005 that my boyfriend of 3 years had broken up with me because he said he needed his space and that he did not love me anymore.... I was totally crushed and of course...I did all the wrong things, until he told me off and I stopped contacting him....

 

At the end of December of 2005...we were back together. In fact, he even asked me to move in with him. I did. He was being very nice to me and of course I was very suspicious. I was never ever the type of girlfriend who would go through her boyfriend's things...and I never did, but I found things out by accident.

 

I was using his notepad to write some stuff down and I saw a woman's name...he had her cell phone, work phone, and home phone listed. I did not say anything, because I have never wanted to act like the jealous girlfriend nor did it cross my head that he had cheated on me (yes, I am that naive!).

 

Okay....He let me borrow his phone one time because mine had lost its charge. Okay...then I see this woman's name...over and over in his phone.. Fine...I comfronted him about it...He said that she was just a co-worker who asked him to do some electrical work at her house...Mind you, at this point, I was crying because I should have known better than to re-start this relationship.

 

I wanted to literally kick myself. He kept telling me that I was being silly, that she was just a co-worker...blah blah. I believed him, wiped my tears and actually apologized to him!! I also told him that I would never ever bring this up again....and I haven't.

 

Today...almost a year since that incident...I found out again, by accident that he and this woman went out together...right after he broke up with me. I even saw a picture of them together. He and I are still together. When we got back together, he said that he wanted us to get married...like i said, that was almost a year ago...when I asked he said he wasn't ready.

 

He is a nice guyand he treats me well.

 

Its past 3:00 am and I cannot sleep at all thinking about this. He is sleeping like a baby right now....and all want to do is suffocate him with a huge pillow. ](*,)

 

I don't know what to do now with this new information that I found. Should I comfront him? His cousin knew about this...I cannot believe it. I saw his cousin in July and she didn't even remember me? I was shocked.

 

He really did lie to me. He wanted to break up with me because he wanted to date this woman or maybe there were already dating? CRAP!!....but...I guess things did not work out...so he then wants me back in his life and makes promises that he cannot keep.

 

He is a middle aged man, so its not like we are talking about a kid here.

 

I am literally ](*,) my head against the wall and I don't really know what to do. I don't know if they are still in touch...he keeps his user settings on his computer password protected.

 

Thanks for the ear.

 

Z.

[robowarrior]

I see it like this, he was with that woman, and now he is with you. 9/10 that things didn't work out between them and they are just friends as he says he is. Meaning that most likely you are blowing things out of proportion and are victim of the paranoid. Its only a natural course of things, that long time ago when he broke up with you, he wanted to continue his life with someone else, but that period is past and behind you. You need to be able to bury the past, he might have had more with that woman then just friendship, but i think that they are past that. So unless you actually see them two dating, i wouldn't make a fuss about it. Right now you need to stop making yourself crazy, he after all is with you and not with her. Although i must admit that its as very insecure position, but i wouldn't give it up just yet as he (readwas) with her, and no longer is with her. I mean think about it, if he really wanted to stay with her after the break-up with you, they would still be together, if they where really enemies then they wouldn't be together, so because he still visits it seems to be 'friendship' relationship. I think you should relax for now, because he said he wanted to marry you.

 

I don't hear it often that woman are used as rebound material, but your suspicions of him just being with you in order not to be lonely, while he tries to hook up with her again might be correct.

 

You may want to jump out of this relationship saying you can't do this anymore, before you pull all your hair out. In a sort of better to be safe then sorry situation.

[ZoeMatthews]

I still find it amazingly cowardly on his part...to tell me that he didn't love me so that he could go and be with someone else.

 

He told me that he just needed some space to think. Think about what? screwing another woman?

 

I still love him, he knew that if he had told me about this relationship, I would have dumped him right there and then, no questions asked. He knows it now. Thats the reason he told me that she just wanted him to do some electrical work in her house...He never ever said that they were friends.

 

and what really pisses me off, is that everyone knew about it on his side of the family!! It totally makes me look like a big fat fool. I still do.

 

Sorry for venting here, but I can't comfront him with this information now. I have noone else to talk to.