My friend needs help

[ernest stoner]

I have a friend,who I have known for 2 years,just recently broke up with her boyfriend.He mentally and emotionally abused her and took drugs.She has been calling me every day,maybe 5 or 6 times,just to talk.She has been depressed and suffers from anxiety and panic attacks.

Yesterday,I wrote her a text message saying "Good morning sunshine"and she called me saying if I said that again to her she would stop calling me.I told her that I was trying to cheer her up and she said nothing.She also told me that I was trying to get her to go out with me saying that I was pushy.I told her that I was not trying to do that,I was only trying to be friendly.

Last night,I went out and she asked me a ton of questions like how many beers youre going to have and why are you going alone.She also said to me "Are you going to have a couple of beers and have have a one night stand?"She also asked me if I am gay,which by the way I am not.

She tells me thats she's is ugly and she's not.She says that she can't find a boyfriend,that she only picks losers.She tells me that she's lonely and then asks me if I am lonely.She can't keep a job because she's always worried about how people feel about her.

I was just wondering if she's playing games or has mental problems or both?

[Tigris]

It sounds like she's got a trust problem now. I suggest she sees a counsellor.

 

You're going to have to be very patient with her because it's going to be a long time before she learns to trust again.

[rose2summer]

She has a lot of baggage and problems on her plate.

 

She needs to resolve these issues on her own.

 

Despite the fact you want to be affectionate and caring towards her, you need to let her heal herself.

 

I think your intent is great, but she needs to resolve the underlying problems.

 

Why does she choose these "losers" and why is she so down on herself?

 

Once she figures that out, you can approach more, but right now, just let her be.

 

Hugs, Rose

[ernest stoner]

She chooses losers because she was abused by her husband of 7 years and by her parents and also she dated men because of their outside appearance and the charm not their heart.

She is down on herself because she is obsessed with her appearance and on how others see her.

[rocio]

The best you can do is be her friend. Even if she pushes you away, don't leave. (Don't smother her with sunshine if she finds it annoying though.)

 

And please ask her to eliminate the word "Ugly" from her vocabulary. For some reason I hear that word alot on this forum and I think it's too bad because, honestly, there is no such thing as an ugly human being. Tell her she is beautiful.

[n83]

She can't work because she's afraid of what others will think of her..? You mean, how she looks physically? If that's the case, and her life is really being interrupted by how she feels about her looks, I'm almost wondering if she has body dysmorphic disorder or something like that...

Either way, with anxiety and panic attacks and such, she should really look into a good counselor.

[allgood]

my opinion

she has to work on herself first......u can be there for her....but as long as you dont get pulled down by her.

when people confide in u, u get that emotion or energy they put out, so u can help them but make sure to step back once in a while if ur getting pulled down as well.

u can only help them when they want to help themselves...people never change for people, they make that decision to change by themselves, u just encourage them or advice them to keep it in mind.

hope she get better

[jilligirl]

her ex husband ruined her self-esteem, and caused her to distrust men.

 

back off. give her advice and attention only when she asks for it. or else you'll be subject to serious criticism (like you already were).

 

i doubt she's playing games, though. abuse can really affect women in the worst of ways.

 

be there for her when she needs you (and try not to feel like you're being used), and don't overwhelm her by calling too much, talking to much, etc.