Jupiter Posted October 20, 2006 Share Posted October 20, 2006 She called me the yesterday, we made plans to go hiking, all was good until I asked her if she had thought any about us. We were on our way back together , kissing, hugging spending nights together. butt she didnt want to "commit". you can read more about it on my other post "She loves me but cant commit" Anyway , she thought I needed an answer becouse the closer we got the more it was going to hurt to break it off again. So I tried to talk her out of it , convince her it was a good releationship, She started giving me mixed signals again, hugging me and crying and such. She even told me she liked our last love making session better than most. What kinda thing is that to say to someone before you leave them for good? I told her to take her stuff if she was leaving for real. but guess what , she didnt. She kept saying that it will be best for us to separate "right now" . She took time to write me a letter while she was here with me , I was like why dont you just talk to me ? She left the letter that said basically that we were good for each other , that i will alwys have a place in her heart , and If i ever needed her for anything to call her. and to try to remember the good things about us. " and ill see you soon " \ weird huh ? Now what ? What shoud l I do ??? Link to comment
psu11 Posted October 20, 2006 Share Posted October 20, 2006 i think you should give her exactly what she wants....time apart from you. So I tried to talk her out of it , convince her it was a good releationship, at this point, her mind was already made up. and why would you want to convice someone it was a good relationship? it may be a good relationship from your perspective, but for whatever reason, its not for her. by her writing you a letter she is easing her own guilt. it would be wise to initiate NC immediately for your own sake. i think by her holding onto you is for her own selfish reasons. this is also giving you false hope and making your greiving process only harder. do NC, take one day at a time, it gets easier. best of luck to you. Link to comment
journey05 Posted October 20, 2006 Share Posted October 20, 2006 Time to stay away. She obviously has feelings for you but is obviously not wanting the commitment...hense the title. She may be just trying to figure her life out. Committing yourself to someone is a big step in life. Space my friend. Space for her and for you. She knows how you feel and telling her this over and over isnt going to help a thing. You could either a) go about your marry way and NC or b) tell her your there if she needs anything and you understand and respect her feelings-even if you don't- and initiate NC. You are going to have to keep your distance on this one man. You guys both have a life, your own, so you need to start living yours and when shes ready for anything, there she will be there. In the mean time go out have fun be socially constructive with the ladies and what not. Just don't be a fool and let yourself be taken for granted. It will happen if it is supposed to. Good luck and find some strength, your going to need it.--I prefer xbox Link to comment
SuperDave71 Posted October 20, 2006 Share Posted October 20, 2006 Jupiter, If you told someone EXACTLY what you needed to make you happy at that moment...or if you asked someone NOT to do something and ya did it anyway....what do you think you would: a) look like b) make their perception of you become My point is...LISTEN TO HER. IVE HER SPACE....wellllllllll GIVE IT TO HER!!! I know it's hard but trust me, you can do it. Don't you realize that by giving her HER space that this is a VERY LOVING ACT? You are DEMONSTRATING to her how much she means to you by NOT pressuring her. Listen with your ears and DO NOT..I repeat DO NOT let lonely times set in...THIS is where EVERY MISTAKE OCCURS. REMEMBER.....if you make a mistake...IT COUDL BE THE VERY THING THAT PUSHES HER AWAY. Take time and love her by your actions....NOT YOUR WORDS. Take the time you need to work on you...TRUST ME ON THIS ONE....you can do this. Think about what you can do to improve the relationship...only then can you make a positive difference. Your Friend, SuperDave71 Link to comment
Jupiter Posted October 20, 2006 Author Share Posted October 20, 2006 Well Dave , she kinda broke it off completely last night. but it was all weird , saying that she hasnt given up to the possibulity it might work out someday. and she didnt take her spare clothes and stuff like I asked her to, Link to comment
SuperDave71 Posted October 20, 2006 Share Posted October 20, 2006 Jupiter, What happens when you hold on to a wet bar of soap too tightly? Remember this silly analogy and you will learn to let go of your convictions when it comes to what they want. I wish you well and keep us posted. Leave her alone. Start NC and let her come to you. If SHE broke it off, let her COME TO YOU -Your friend, SuperDave71 Link to comment
journey05 Posted October 20, 2006 Share Posted October 20, 2006 You really don't have much of a choice here Jupiter. The advice has been give and it is the correct advice. The rest is up to you. Link to comment
Jupiter Posted October 20, 2006 Author Share Posted October 20, 2006 The problem is , I still want her back , we " broke up 2 months ago , but I saw her every weekend. no more than 4 days ever passed without one of us calling the other, slowly we started kissing and having sex , bad mistake I know. But it felt like we were getting back together , and i guess because of my pressure , she stopped it all . So ,, I just go NC and wait ? Her letter said to call her if I needed anything , and she says shes not sure " riight now" Its never been a definate thing, I just dont know what to do , theings were going better last week. I would rather have that , than what I have now, Link to comment
SuperDave71 Posted October 20, 2006 Share Posted October 20, 2006 You know what to do.....ya just don' want to do it. You are waiting on someone to tell you to talk to her or see her. WRONG!! Ya won't get it here. You need to leave her alone and let her figure out what she really wants. -SuperDave71 Link to comment
Jupiter Posted October 21, 2006 Author Share Posted October 21, 2006 "Think about what you can do to improve the relationship...only then can you make a positive difference." Thats what superdave says My question is how? We "Broke up " 2 months ago , but we didnt ever really break, I saw her every weekend at some point, then no more than 4 days passed without one of us contacting the other. during this time I was nice to her , tried sending her flowers and all the stuff. she did warm up to me some , thursay was a disaster, She said that the last 2 weeks the we were kissing hugging, saying I love you and making love, were because she was trying to see if she had the same feelings. I tried to tell her that its not going to just magicly be back like it was, we both need to try to make it work. I dunno guys , I dont think there is anything I can do to improve the relationship, I shouldnt call her right ? Link to comment
Jupiter Posted October 22, 2006 Author Share Posted October 22, 2006 well she left , I told her if she was really going then to take her spare clothes and stuff she kept here. After she left i looked and she only took half of her things. So , I asked her about it, she said "I didnt know those things were in there," I know thats not true cous she took some of the stuff out from the very same drawer. So , I got the stuff bagged it up , wrote her a letter brought it over to her house ,dropped it off by the front door, She saw me as i was leaving and we shared a quick glance. I left , 3 hours later she called me , but left no message, then again a little later, still no message, I wasnt home when she called , but she didnt ask me to call her back , I just saw it on caller ID, So should I call her or , avoid her? or wait and answer next time she calls? Link to comment
Jupiter Posted October 23, 2006 Author Share Posted October 23, 2006 Help !! Im weak I feel bad I want to call her. what should I do ? She called me after I brought her stuff back to her. but I didnt answer , now Im wondering what she wanted. She ddint leave a message so I guess its not too importanat. Should I call her , I want last week back @! Link to comment
wonderfulconfusion Posted October 23, 2006 Share Posted October 23, 2006 NO NO, dont call!! GO FOR A WALK! DO NOT CALL HER! She'll call you back...if she does, dont pick up! Then if she calls a 3rd time, tell answer the phone and kindly tell her you werent by your phone... if she doesnt call back..Leave it! GO see a friend! Link to comment
SuperDave71 Posted October 23, 2006 Share Posted October 23, 2006 I agree.... -SuperDave71 Link to comment
Jupiter Posted October 23, 2006 Author Share Posted October 23, 2006 She even told me she liked our last love making session better than most. What kinda thing is that to say to someone before you leave them for good? I told her to take her stuff if she was leaving for real. but guess what , she didnt. She kept saying that it will be best for us to separate "right now" . this stuff is haunting me My God I love her though Link to comment
Jupiter Posted October 24, 2006 Author Share Posted October 24, 2006 ok ok Im in my 3rd day of NC , im such a whimp I want to call her so bad , geeze I want her back Im afraid im going to cave in ! Link to comment
wonderfulconfusion Posted October 24, 2006 Share Posted October 24, 2006 Jupiter, Get a grip man! 3 days? STOP THINKING ABOUT HER! THINK OF YOU! Who cares what she is doing, is she really worth it if she isnt calling! MOVE ON! Do soemthing YOU like to do... she's not worried about what you're doing, why would you. And the day SHE does, she will call you...right now she's probably having a ball...sorry! But once she realizes she misses you, she WILL call... For now, STOP being a whimp, weak...take control of yourself! Life is worth living...live for you! There are SO many things to see and do. Dont waste your time like this please! GO! Link to comment
wonderfulconfusion Posted October 24, 2006 Share Posted October 24, 2006 Jupiter, I know how you feel...if you can handle yourself for atleast 2 weeks, you'll feel MUCH better! I keep trying to understand things but realize you cant control anything....thats the key! NO CONTROL! Link to comment
SuperDave71 Posted October 24, 2006 Share Posted October 24, 2006 Jupiter, LISTEN TO WONDERFULCONCLUSION.....You call....YOU WILL PUSH HER AWAY!!! STOP BEING SO CHILDISH and DESPERATE...DO you think that looks attractive to her, a man that is begging and crying for his ex to come back? Every woman wants a weak, childish, selfish and crying man around.....SURE CALL HER so when you post again...you can FEEL EVEN WORSE!!!! No one wants you to hurt!!! YOU PICK UP THAT PHONE AND CAVE, YOU DO NOTHING BUT PUSH AWAY ANY ATTEMPT OF GETTING HER BACK... USE YOUR HEAD!!!!! UNTIL YOU HAVE CONTROL OF YOURSELF AND EMOTIONS.....STAY AWAY FROM HER!!! Your friend, SuperDave71 Link to comment
majord23 Posted October 24, 2006 Share Posted October 24, 2006 Jupiter, LISTEN TO WONDERFULCONCLUSION.....You call....YOU WILL PUSH HER AWAY!!! STOP BEING SO CHILDISH and DESPERATE...DO you think that looks attractive to her, a man that is begging and crying for his ex to come back? Every woman wants a weak, childish, selfish and crying man around.....SURE CALL HER so when you post again...you can FEEL EVEN WORSE!!!! No one wants you to hurt!!! YOU PICK UP THAT PHONE AND CAVE, YOU DO NOTHING BUT PUSH AWAY ANY ATTEMPT OF GETTING HER BACK... USE YOUR HEAD!!!!! UNTIL YOU HAVE CONTROL OF YOURSELF AND EMOTIONS.....STAY AWAY FROM HER!!! Your friend, SuperDave71 Ditto Link to comment
sandyv Posted October 24, 2006 Share Posted October 24, 2006 Don't call Jupiter, be strong....... Link to comment
lac Posted October 24, 2006 Share Posted October 24, 2006 I know how hard this must be for you. You'll be a stronger man than me if you stick at it. Prove to yourself and me and everyone here that you can do it! Link to comment
SuperDave71 Posted October 24, 2006 Share Posted October 24, 2006 You prove it to yourself ONLY.... You can do this.... SuperDave71 Link to comment
pinklizard Posted October 25, 2006 Share Posted October 25, 2006 Hi Jupiter. if you look at another post, I'm also in a very vulnerable, weak situation where I have to use every ounce of willpower to look in another direction. Stay strong, you know its the right thing to do even though every second is gut-wrenching. Link to comment
Jupiter Posted October 25, 2006 Author Share Posted October 25, 2006 Well one thing i didnt mention in this post, While we were having the "break up" talk she asked me if she could still call me. I almoast laughed and said you can call me if you love me and want to talk about us. Part of the reason I want to call her so bad is that the last time we spoke, I got mad and hung up on her. just before I brought her clothes back to her house. I know, bad move right ? That day she called me 2 times but I didnt answer because i was too emotional. I want to talk to her to work it out , but how ? She probably wont call me , because i told her not to, right? I guess I just want her to feel like she can try to talk to me. And I feel bad for being mean/defensive , but i was getting dumped so what do you expect ? Yesterday a friend told me she called them on saturday, they asked about us and she said we were "on the outs" again. eveyone though that we were getting back together. We were doing so well the last couple weeks. I guess I feel like i should tell her Im sorry for hanging up on her like that. I want her to know I still want to work this out. She did try to call me last i guess, but as I said I didnt answer , and she left no message. I dont think she is sure about her decision to leave. I dont see how NC will help us. It might help me , but I want to help US. anyone understand ? or have any suggestions? I really love her. Link to comment
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