that time of the month

[boontahr]

not sure if this would be the best place for this topic, but i guess i wanted to ask for your opinions on PMS.

 

i have to admit that i know fairly little of the whole premenstrual syndrome, and only after having a relationship with my current girlfriend of 5 months am i starting to see what happens when it occurs. i guess from what i've deduced is that she'll go through many mood swings and one moment may be happy and fine but the next she'll want to tear my head off for no real reason. sure i've heard jokes of women and pms but i guess experiencing it is a different story.

 

i guess my question would be how severe can pms be, and is it simply a result of the hormones fluctuating? with my gf [who is 20yrs. old, i am 22] she'll usually become easily irritated with me or just about anything, and so when 'that time' comes around, i try and be extra aware of that. but even if i'm just kinda quiet over the phone because i'm trying not to say anything stupid or upsetting, she'll make comments about how i never say anything or that i always just reply with an 'oh.'

 

and that might be no big deal or anything, but for me i tend to take things a bit personally, so whenever i get the brunt of her pms, i can't help but feel like she's specifically upset at me and trying to pick out everything about me that irritates her, even though she has tried to explain that during pms, mood swings occur like crazy and emotions and thoughts are amplified.

 

she also gets very exhausted and depressed at times, and though i try to comfort her and be there for her, it is sometimes difficult because she does lash out at me and i feel like i'm useless in these situations and am only making things worse.

 

maybe i'm just being a bit too sensitive? i feel like this is something i need to get used to and learn how to handle in the best way i can, but just wanted to see what others have experienced/done concerning this.

[Honey Pumpkin]

Hi there,

 

I get *terrible* pms - really awful. And I hate it so much. The one thing that worked for me was drastically cutting down on caffeine, that helped with the mood swings to some degree. Evening primrose oil and vitamin B didn't help.

 

It's hard to explain what it's like - erm, have you ever got up in the morning, and everything is annoying you, but for no real reason? It's a bit like that. Like you've got a really thin skin, and stuff that wouldn't normally bother you *at all* is like nails screeching down a blackboard.

 

The other thing that helped me is to keep track of it, so I can kind of remember and tell myself, 'No, it's just pms, I don't really feel like this'. And for you to know too. So you can both try and remember that it's nothing personal.

 

The fact that you wrote this shows that you really want to understand and workon this with her, so good luck with that!

[Anna.]

Yeah, you are not being too sensitive.

 

But it sucks. PMS really sucks. I don't go to school the day I start sometimes, b/c I feel SOOO bad. And I snap at my boyfriend, too. It's good that you are understanding. Just remember if you had to feel that bad and annoyed and have to go through the physical stuff women go through every month, you might be a little snappy too.

 

So don't take it personally, unless she says something really out of line. I normally go back and apologize to my bf if he didn't deserve it and he's cool.

[Tigris]

Is your girlfriend on birth control pills?

 

I started with pms when I was 12 and it continued until I started taking the pill at 22. Then it stopped being a problem. I had to stop taking it when I'd been on it for the maximum amount of years.

 

For a few months after my sterilisation I was still ok, but as the years went by the pms started to return. I eventually realised that I was starting with menopause symptoms and my hormones were making it come back.

 

I admire you for wanting to know how this affects your girlfriend. Older generations coped by keeping out of the way of their wives during this period of time because they discovered it was easier.

 

Have you tried using 'google' to see if there's any foods, etc., that might help to calm her pms down.

 

Good luck

[boontahr]

thanks for sharing everyone

 

tigris: no, she is currently not on birth control pills and has never been. she has brought it up once though, but very briefly. would it be a worthwhile thing to do? she was suggesting it so that sex would be easier [we had a Plan B/ECP emergency once] and that it could regulate the pms-ing, but are there any drawbacks to it then such as side-effects?

[heloladies21]

I for one don't buy into PMS as an excuse to act ridiculous to your partner. And the way you handle it shows a fundamental flaw with how you handle the relationship in general. You sound like a really nice guy, but you're nice to the point wher you hide your true feelings and go into a shell and be all positive and stuff. It gets to the point where you're not just being nice, you're being a fake personality guy. This will ultimately lead to her breaking up with you and/or cheating on you.

 

If she says something to insult you, it's not the time to console her or shut your mouth, it's time to stick up for yourself and say something. And before I get completely flamed off of this thread, I used to handle it the wrong way and I kept getting dumped. I handle things my way and everything's been flipped around. And I'm still a nice guy, I just don't put up with any BS.

[boontahr]

heloladies21: i know what you mean, and i agree that i shouldn't just let her walk all over me because of the pms. i guess right now i'm at a point where i really just want to try to figure out a balance of how to be understanding, yet able to stick up for myself [may take my whole life, but if that's what it takes, then so be it].

 

last month we started arguing [pms-influenced] and it got to a point where i couldn't take it anymore so i told her that i can understand if she's frustrated for other reasons and whatnot, but that it doesn't mean she can treat me like i'm nobody by taking it out on me, and i think she got the point.

 

so i just wanted to see how far sounds like too far in terms of pms-rage. it generally seems like being annoyed and irritated physically and emotionally is what to expect, so i know for myself that i don't want to get hurt or start an argument over that if that is what she is experiencing and can't help sometimes.

[heloladies21]

Don't make excuses for her, let her bring them to you when she acts outta line.

 

You wanna be comforting to her if her dog does or something like that. If she insults you, then you wanna rip into her and let her know you don't appreciate it. If she just acts annoyed, you wanna confront her on it. Let her know if she's gonna act like that, then you have better things to do with your time. And if she gives you any guff, then tell her to stop acting like that. If it's her fault, don't let her turn it around on you. This is just like any other time of the month to you. Don't treat it any differently.

[CrossCheck75]

Found myself taking in Heloladies' 9:48 post and pumping my fist in the air (as I rarely do reading the Enotalone posts, honestly)...

 

Yes, the monthly hell that men the world-over must endure for days is chillingly real. However, it is too frequently exagerated and utilized as an excuse. If all that you describe is accurate, then just accept that it is limited to that period each month. Learn to kiss butt and be a castrated, spineless pile of jelly for a few days each month. If she was this unstable, capricious, and snotty month-round then we'd have to urge you to reconsider the relationship.

 

Get used to it, buddy, and learn to deal with it. You are by no means the first or last to be puzzled by the phenomenon.

 

PS- yes, birth control has been shown to likewise alleviate and exacerbate symptoms... she'd have to experiment with several over time in order to discern the benefits/drawbacks to each...

[Honey Pumpkin]

so i just wanted to see how far sounds like too far in terms of pms-rage. it generally seems like being annoyed and irritated physically and emotionally is what to expect, so i know for myself that i don't want to get hurt or start an argument over that if that is what she is experiencing and can't help sometimes.

 

Yeah, it's weird. I mean, I know what's going on so I try really hard to not let it show. But it's just show a weird sensation, to be honest. I won't take it out on anyone, but maybe that's just because I'm older now, and know how to cope. However, if someone shouted at me when I snapped, like some guys are advising, I would burst into tears and then dump them, lol.

 

I don't think you should have special treatment for your girlfriend, but maybe understand that you won't argue over stupid things, and you won't take the blame for something silly. But just being nice would count for a lot, in my opinion.

[Tigris]

I think it would be a good idea for you both to go and talk to a doctor, clinic, family planning, etc., and find out the side effects together. You've already proved to us that you care deeply about her, prove it to her by going with her. It's a daunting time for a girl to go along by herself. I remember how I felt.

[Tigris]

There have been cases before where women have murdered their husbands when they've had pms. The level of symptoms affects everyone differently.

 

My grandparents and parents always knew when I was due on my periods because the week before I'd have pms mood swings. The majority of the time I'd cry for no reason. I found it was best to be by myself or avoid confrontations with everyone.

 

When I was in my late teens living at home, I came home from work and I'd had a very stressful day. Everyone had eaten so I took my meal on a tray into the living room to watch tv and relax. My father came in and was in a joking mood and stood infront of me dancing so I couldn't see the tv. I said, 'Dad please don't I just want to unwind.' He moved forward and stood on my toes. I told him and he apologised. But instead of sitting down he continued and the same thing happened. Again I told him and he aplogised. I was feeling physically drained so I warned him to back off by saying, 'If you do it again I'll hit you.' I didn't say this nastily. (Our Mother always said if I have to tell you 3 times you'll get a clout/smack). Unfortunately, he did do it again and I stood up and hit him.

 

I don't know who was more shocked him or me. He stormed out of the room and I burst into tears. My Mother came in and said, 'You shouldn't have done that.' I said, 'I know, I didn't mean to.' She asked what had happened and I told her everything.

 

When I went to my Grandparents they asked about it too and said I shouldn't have done it.

 

All my family knew I wasn't a violent person and always avoided trouble it was totally out of character.

 

If I'd known the pill could have helped with the pms I'd have got it when I was younger.

 

If there's anything you want to ask PM anytime.

[AntiLove_SuperStar]

I can honestly say I never experienced PMS. If anything, my mood takes an upswing in the final few days before I start bleeding.

 

However, I am consistently difficult and temperamental every day all month round. It is terrible but at least I'm not a slave to hormones, just a mental illness. Woo!

[justpaisley]

With mood swings often come good moods and clarity. Even when I'm the most pissy with my husband, a few hours later I'll come back to him and say, "Honey, I'm sorry, it's 'that time.' I'll try to control myself better next time." I don't expect him to know every time I'm on my period (even though I keep a calendar next to my bed!) and I don't expect him to always understand why I snap at him for no reason. When I realize I've been irrational, I tell him so.

 

It's worse with some women, and irritability coupled with blinding pain can make nearly everything difficult to do. If her menstrual symptoms are really bad, it's absolutely NOT a joke. Talk to her when it's not her time, and let her know that you think that her symptoms might be a little worse than others. Birth control will help, but if you notice that she's still really mean to you during that time (which you'll know just by looking at her pills) it'll be time to talk to her about controlling herself and a little mutual respect.

[jilligirl]

us women can hardly control ourselves during PMS. lol ok i shouldn't generalize. but i'm just like your girl, and even though i drive my boyfriend crazy when i'm PMS-ing, he always KNOWS that i'm PMS-ing and says "oh, that's why you're being nasty." then he acts as if i've never said or done anything mean to him (isn't he great?).

 

it can come in the form of moodiness, depression, crying spells, anger, and so on.

 

it is hard to deal with, believe me, we hate it as much as you do-- probably more.

 

what i need when i'm PMS-ing is to BE ALONE. then i won't be able to hurt anyone.

 

if i were you, i'd DISCREETLY keep track of her cycle, and try to figure out when it is that she should be PMS-ing. and try to see less of her during that week than usual. but then again, this is only a quick-fix. what if you end up marrying her? it'd be hard to avoid her lol

[shellshocked]

I for one don't buy into PMS as an excuse to act ridiculous to your partner.

 

You're way off heloladies.

I get PMS every month...HORRIBLY!!!

 

And my mood swings are something i totally can't contol.

My gf can tell when it's EXACTLY 5 days prior to my period..

I get irritable...depressed...emotional....and then as soon

as i get my period....BOOM! I'm back to my normal happy

charming self....

 

So....with that said.

I don't think you (and the other guys who've made comments) can really

speak intellectually on this subject....and say it's controllable, exagerated and used as an excuse...

 

Until you've EXPERIENCED it...you'll never really know now will you?

 

It would me like me saying, "Come on now...getting kicked in the nuts

doesn't hurt that bad....quit being a baby!!!"

[caro33]

I'm pretty sure I never had PMS until i hit 30 or so. Since then i have noticed I feel AWFUL exactly 6 days before bleeding starts. I shift between feeling melancholic, super irritable and hyper sensitive. Marvellous. And trying to think myself out of it works to some degree, but only on the outside. I feel just as completely over everything on the inside, perhaps even more.

 

If anyone has any home remedies please post them. I will try reducing caffeine. But I agree with shellshocked. Perhaps it isn't fair, and no, it's not an excuse, but for some women PMS is a very real mental/emotional condition and it can only be managed by the woman and the people around her with understanding, and sometimes distance!

[Tigris]

I've found that exercise during that week helps. I usually go for walks in parks and tune in to nature. The birds singing, the breeze in the trees, etc. It has a calming effect. I also avoid people so there's no disagreements.

 

Coffee, tea and drinks with caffeine in them are best avoided. Chocolate can cause headaches/migraines.

[caro33]

I've found that exercise during that week helps. I usually go for walks in parks and tune in to nature. The birds singing, the breeze in the trees, etc. It has a calming effect. I also avoid people so there's no disagreements.

 

Coffee, tea and drinks with caffeine in them are best avoided. Chocolate can cause headaches/migraines.

 

Okay thanks, will up the exercise and enjoy nature this week. BTW had a good start already - had an odd interaction with a baby possum this morning in a park when it came up to me and climbed up my leg and hid under my armpit. That nature moment took the PMS right away and 3 hours later I'm still feeling friendly . So go get hugged by nature, people.

[Aurian]

I get PMS myself. My body aches before the period, so I am in pain and quite cranky. The first day is especially bad since I am cramping not only in the stomach area, but all down through my legs. The pain makes me feel rather tired and less willing to deal with crap. I know I also get irritated or cry more easily.

 

I always try give a heads-up though when I am having PMS and I apologize if I am acting a bit snappish. I do expect the other person to respect that I am not at my best and that I am trying to do my best.

 

Oh, and never say "its just PMS" when your girl is upset about something. That rarely helps and will probably result in getting yourself killed Even if she is overreacting a bit, the feelings are still there. However, if she is being a total and complete * * * * *, then it would probably be best to simply remove yourself from her prescense and say that you understand that she is having a rough time, but her behaviour is more than you're willing to accept.