a problem with someone I dated for a week.

[lunatic]

Hello everyone on Enotalone. It has been a while since I have visited this site.

 

I am having a new drama, see there is a woman whom I dated briefly during the summer. Well there was no possibility of anything further happening since I was not feeling it with her. She harassed me for a few weeks after I told her I did not want to date anyone. Well now I have started seeing someone else and somehow she has found out. Now she is bothering me in instant messenger and over the phone. I don't know what to do to let her down nicely even though I don't feelI owe her anything.

 

How can you let someone who is crazy obsessed with me down in a nice fashion? I don't want to hurt her feelings as who knows what will happen since I think she is very unstable person.

 

HELP!!!!

[Caterina]

You should have taken this into account. When you broke up with her, you should have explicitly told her exactly why you didn't think it was going to work. No matter what you say, its going to hurt, but the best thing to do is to be immediately honest. She is wrong to harass you but you probably wouldn't have had to deal with that had you been honest in the first place. Now, you need to remain honest. Tell her the truth, you didn't think it would work b/c of whatever reasons you have.

[Juliana]

I agree. Put aside your suspicions that she is unstable, that she is obsessed. She may be all those things. She may just be going through a rough time and you've handled things badly trying to let her down easy and insulting her intelligence instead. There is no "letting someone down easy." You lied, and she knows it; she wants the truth. Tell her. Try to have some respect for her ability to deal with things. Tell her as well that you will not be speaking with her again. And then don't.

 

The mistake most people make is that they reward the pursuer by periodically talking to them. It's called intermittent reinforcement, and it's virtually addictive for the pursuer. If you really don't want to talk to this person, don't. If you talk to them every five or six times they contact you, then you are basically teaching them how to harass you; they know, after five or six calls, you'll talk to them. If all she's doing is contacting you online and calling you, ignore her. She'll probably keep it up for awhile, but if you don't answer, I'm thinking she'll stop.

[heloladies21]

Not sure how you dumped her, but it sounds like it wasn't done in the right way. Otherwise she wouldn't be acting like this. There is a way you can handle it to make them understand that the relationship isn't a good thing anymore, but where they'll feel ok letting go as well.

[blender]

perhaps you need to be very direct and honest, and simply say, "I understand you are disappointed and I'm sorry you feel the need to keep harassing me, but I have no feelings for "us" as a couple, so please respect yourself and me and do not contact me again".. tell her this, write it to her in an email, text it to her, and then be careful, if she is indeed unstable, you have to be very careful....does she have any friends or family who could help you out on this?

[rocio]

Tell her you are gay.