conforting

[confuzedboy89]

My g/f would rather call her male friend and talk to him about her problems than call me and tell me about them. and its not because she doesn't want to annoy me or put her problems on me, its because she knows i am bad at giving advice and im bad at saying the right thing in a serious time. Does anybody else think this is a problem? How do i get better at giving advice and helping the situation?

[Yvette84]

aw..thats sweet of you to want to try. I do the same thing your gf does though. I call my guy friend (who's one of my bestfriends) and talk to him more about my problems then my boyfriend, it's for the same reason, my boyfriend sucks at giving advice, and he never says the right things at serious times either.So I don't know what to tell you, well.. first off don't just go "uh..huh" try to ask questions and show intrest, really look at her problems as if they were happening to you and give her feedback and most of all COMFORT her!!!

[babypink61]

Well, unless it's your relationship problems, then I don't think you should worry about it. Sometimes I'd much prefer to go to one of my close friends rather than sharing them with my boyfriend. Well if you're not great at giving advice then you can at least be a good listener and tries to sympathize with her when she has problems.

[Clementyne]

I think if it bothers you then you should talk to her about it. You can do some investigation and find out what it is that she can find there that you don't offer, then work on giving it to her. I think it is important that partners must be able to consult each other or simply vent their feelings to one another.

[NJRon]

Perhaps you can start by just asking her to share her problems/feelings without offering advice. Maybe you do give bad advice... no reason not to at least know what's going on

 

I do think it is a problem when partners don't share things that are bothering them... even if just to have someone to offer comfort. Turning aorund and seeking that outside a relationship because it isn't present in the relationship can cause problems down the line.

[Dilly]

My g/f would rather call her male friend and talk to him about her problems than call me and tell me about them. and its not because she doesn't want to annoy me or put her problems on me, its because she knows i am bad at giving advice and im bad at saying the right thing in a serious time. Does anybody else think this is a problem? How do i get better at giving advice and helping the situation?

 

OK, if she has been asking you to put aside time to discuss important issues and you are unable to do so, or unwilling, then yes, it's a problem.

 

If, on the other hand, she just throws them in your lap and wants you to start sorting things out with her, then she's being a bit impatient in her approach, but that's her right. If she can't wait around for you to process your feelings and instincts about an important matter, then maybe she could begin to question your value in helping her make important decisions.

 

But if it's more just so that she can deal with petty gossip/office talk that change like the weather, then I wouldn't sweat it too much. UNLESS SHE TELLS YOU TO SWEAT IT.

 

What kind of issues do you feel she is hashing out with this guy? Are they serious or trivial?