CamGuy Posted October 10, 2006 Share Posted October 10, 2006 AM I out of line? So I have a simple theory. A man cannot be friends with an attractive woman. I base this entirely on my own experiences: Being that every good lookin gal I have ever befriended I have either dated, screwed, or wanted to screw. Anyways. I just moved to the Bay Area a while back. I have a kick job. Met a chick about 4 months ago, and we started casually dating. Never lied to her, nor tried to cover any of my flaws up. We both agreed we didnt want anythign serious. And she even told me numerous times she didnt care if I dated other girls. So I thoughts, WOW, fantastic. I still have my doubts about what she wanted, but i digress. I was just me. And it seemed to work well, because I feared she was falling for me hard. So I almost ended it several times, but the girl is dynamite in the bedroom, so I let it slide. (we never had sex, but everything else was great). I was often confused with how i truly felt about her. She was a good friend, and we had a good time together, but obviously we were different. She was on this path to self rightousness, just having ended a long relationship prior to meeting me, and she was trying to find GOD again or something ,and go back to church. I frankly dont like church, and told her straight up I wasnt going with her "just to get on her good graces". (She invited me several times). Anda gain, this confused me deeply, because she said she wasnt looking for anything serious, and just wanted to "work" on herself (which i loved by the way) ANyways, I found myself "missing" her when we went days without seeing eachother, yet I found myself wanting to date other women and run from her when she seemed to get TOO CLOSE. So I saw other women, and messed around with her as well. Im pretty sure my attraction to her was strictly physical, and I wasnt in any way shape or form planning on marrying this chick, but I was quite surprised when oneday.....I stopped getting phone calls from her. after about 1.5 weeks, she finally contacts me. I told her I assumed we were through. She confirmed my suspicions, citing she thought what we were doing was "unhealthy", and that we could still be friends, but based on my personal issues with that, she understood it isnt possible. So I wished her the best, and said farewell. Here is my question. Am I out of line here? I mean, Im not really pissed she wanted to end this little tryst we had. We didnt really want the same things (important things). I always wanted to nail her, and she never let me, and I was seeing other girls on the side. So, naturally, it was probably for the best. But she is a cool chick, and we did have a little fun together even when we werent in the bedroom. I just have to justify this with my fellow men. Because, despite the fact I just moved here, and dont know many peeps outside of work, I just dont see how it is possible to be friends with a chick that I most likely will me thinking about naked 80% of the time I am with her. Any thoughts? Women feel free to reply with hate or disgust, or even concurment. But this was directed to my boys. Cheers. Link to comment
Shaun23 Posted October 10, 2006 Share Posted October 10, 2006 I think you are sex crazed! I think this girl saw something in you that made her comfortable enough to ask you to go to church with her! Fine, it was not your scene, but she needed you to be there for her and you weren't! You lost out buddy!!! Link to comment
itsallgrand Posted October 10, 2006 Share Posted October 10, 2006 I'm a woman. And I think you just don't want to let go of that hope to nail her. Why can't I get just one kiss Why can't I get just one kiss Believe me, Somethings I wouldn't miss But I look at your pants and I need a kiss. you know the rest of the song.... Link to comment
quietgrl Posted October 10, 2006 Share Posted October 10, 2006 CamGuy, You're right in your post and not crazy.Hey Welcome to Cally.I live in Northern California. Link to comment
blemished Posted October 10, 2006 Share Posted October 10, 2006 I agree with itsallgrand. And, dude, you sound totally shallow. Link to comment
hosswhispra Posted October 10, 2006 Share Posted October 10, 2006 I think CamGuy is just being honest here. That's a good thing. I personally do not think that you can be "just friends" with someone whom you're physically attracted to. So CamGuy, if I were you, I would not get in contact with this girl, unless you want a relationship (I am not talking about just a FWB relationship, either ) with her. Otherwise, feelings will get confused for possibly BOTH of you and in the end someone may feel/think that they were led on. hosswhispra Link to comment
sfindependent Posted October 10, 2006 Share Posted October 10, 2006 welcome to cali man. i live in hayward but frequent sf. Link to comment
Day_Walker Posted October 10, 2006 Share Posted October 10, 2006 I dont believe that you are in the wrong. This is your personal decision to make, if you dont want to be friends with a "hot" chick then dont. I can understand the not wanting to let go of the hope and I feel you are justified for doing it. My concern is that you are in a new town and friends are few and far between, but as long as you dont have trouble making friends then you wont have a problem. It does not sound like you are missing out on a great friendship with this girl since your attraction was based on how she looks instead of her personality. Link to comment
heloladies21 Posted October 10, 2006 Share Posted October 10, 2006 Of course your view is correct, but realize that she was testing you when she said you could sleep with other girls to see if you cared enough about her to say no. By failing certain tests, you doom the "relationship" so this outcome was expected. Link to comment
CamGuy Posted October 10, 2006 Author Share Posted October 10, 2006 I agree with itsallgrand. And, dude, you sound totally shallow. I figured I would get some kinda response like this. I may be a BIT shallow, but I am also honest about what I want. I never led this girl on. As for her "testing" me....she did ask me several times if I had slept with any other women, and I honestly replied with "NO". Of course afterwards, she still confirmed she didn't care if I dated other girls, but just wanted to know what or "WHO" I was doing so she could protect her health, which i entirely understand. Again, I understand why it ended, and true, I had high hopes of sleeping with his girl and I was disappointed when it came to an end. But I think things are fine. Nothing is ugly. She does have a good personality (with the exception of wanting to go back to church), but I just wanted to make sure I was justified. (Which i feel I was). Link to comment
arco_GA Posted October 10, 2006 Share Posted October 10, 2006 shes falling for you. the best thing to do is play it cool. be rude and arrogent. you will score. Link to comment
hosswhispra Posted October 10, 2006 Share Posted October 10, 2006 She does have a good personality (with the exception of wanting to go back to church). Hi CamGuy, What's wrong with wanting to go back to the church? Just curious.... hosswhispra Link to comment
CamGuy Posted October 10, 2006 Author Share Posted October 10, 2006 Hi CamGuy, What's wrong with wanting to go back to the church? Just curious.... hosswhispra Well, nothing is wrong with it per se. It's just not my thing. I am not a very religious person, and I personally think churches are a sham. I just dont believe in organized religion. Link to comment
itsallgrand Posted October 11, 2006 Share Posted October 11, 2006 Camguy, Looks like everything happened the way it was supposed to. You two had a nice time, but not meant to be in the long run. There were no lies, or deceit. HL had a good point about her testing you - and you responded honestly. Worked out perfectly. take care Link to comment
CamGuy Posted October 11, 2006 Author Share Posted October 11, 2006 Camguy, Looks like everything happened the way it was supposed to. You two had a nice time, but not meant to be in the long run. There were no lies, or deceit. HL had a good point about her testing you - and you responded honestly. Worked out perfectly. take care Well, perhaps she was testing me. Regardless, I'm fine with the outcome. I definitely had a good time, and I wasnt expecting THAT much out of it. Im just wondering what she was expecting. And if she TRULY meant what she said about how she felt about us. Nonetheless, it seems that it all ended well. Link to comment
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