do i end it?

[lost in need of help]

My boyfriend and i have been together for 7yrs. He is over the other side of the world and this is our second long dist relationship. Im finding it a lot harder being apart the second time around and cant stand being away from him anymore its been over a month. He plans on coming home in jan but i want him home now. Im sick of being depressed and have told him this but he wants to stay there till jan for the money to buy a house. I have given him a choice me or the money and he said its not fair making him choose he wants to stay till jan. To me it seems like he has chosen the money and im totally crushed. If it was the other way around i would come home for him. He is constantly out all the time getting drunk and blowing money. I say to him how is that saving money but he just avoids talking about it.

 

Help please

[annie24]

welcome to enotalone.

 

you say that you have been together for 7 years, but are still living apart? why is that?

 

I think if you have reached a breaking point, where you are no longer happy, it may be time to break off the relationship. especially if he is off getting drunk instead of saving for your life together. that sounds irresponsible.

 

how old are you both?

[rmpavlock]

How old are you, if you don't mind my asking? I say, if you are that unhappy and he doesn't want to discuss it with you, maybe you should end it. The choice is completely yours. Do you find that you are more unhappy than happy most of the time? Does the bad outweigh the good? When you say he is looking for a house, is he going to be living over there and you will still be where you are? If that isn't working for you, you need to let him know and if he still doesn't want to discuss it, maybe you would be better off finding someone who isn't so far away.

[DN]

It is now October 9th - a mere three months or about ninety days or so until he comes home. Is your love for him so weak that you can't wait that short time so that he can earn enough money for a good down-payment on a house - the most expensive purchase most of us ever make?

 

If that is the case then yes, you should break up with him.

[lost in need of help]

He is 33 and i am 29.

 

We were over seas together and then my visa ran out yet he has a passport to stay there.

 

DN, i had to do a 6 month long dist relationship when he first went over there. He took off and told me ne needed to travel but couldnt wait 6 months to travel with me and do it together he had to do it there and then. May i ask you, have you ever been in a long dist relationship!?? AND NO MY LOVE FOR HIM IS NOT WEEK! I LOVE HIM AND WOULD DO ANYTHING FOR HIM! if your so great on advise for long dist relationships then tell me how to cope with it!

 

I just find it harder this time round being without him. They partying does get to me cause when i was there he never wanted to go out and all he wanted to do was save money, yet when i left its all he has been doing is going out getting drunk and ignoring my phone calls and texts and uses being drunk as the excuse why. If i go out he expects me to answer every sms and call.

[shikashika]

well i've never been in a 7 year relationship... but i have lived overseas... and had a guy who wanted to keep the relationship going. i was the one who left... he stayed behind... obviously going overseas was more important to me... as it is to yoru boyfriend..

 

you choose, don't make him choose... it seems he has already made his choice.

 

For me, i coudn't imagine some guy telling me that i had to choose especially if i left... if my boyfriend was that important to me i never would have left in the first place

[CrossCheck75]

LDR's are extremely taxing, to say the least! I've been in three of them...

 

The simple advice for you, based on what cursory details we have on your situation, is this: If you love him that much, waiting another three months for him to return should not even be up for debate. You wait for him. Plain and simple.

 

Sounds to me, however, that the impatience on your part is the least of your problems within this relationship. You allude to his drinking too much for your tastes, ignoring you, budget mismanagement, etc. These are all things you will need to sit down and discuss with him upon his return. You can likely arrive at a healthy compromise and together work through these issues. Seven years IS a long time to love someone, only to scrap it all so abruptly. You'll know in a few months whether it behooves you to persist with this relationship or not. Remain patient and bear in mind that honest communication is golden.

[DN]

if your so great on advise for long dist relationships then tell me how to cope with it!

 

Admittedly it was not their choice - but six weeks after my parents were married in 1942 he went off to fight in WWII and they didn't see each other for three and half years. That was not unusual. And my mother had to live with the fact that she could get a telegram any day saying he had been killed in action.

 

How did they do it? - they loved each other and that was enough. It was not enough for some - many relationships failed during that time because the love was not strong enough to survive the separation. But it was enough for them.

[Imtheone4u]

My heart really goes out to you. But I have to be honest with you. To me it seems as though maybe he has something to hide. If ans when you go see him he acts very different. Such as not wanting to go out and things like that..you should know immediately that it is a red flag. If he can't pick up the phone or respond also. I don't know but those seem to be pretty big indicators that he is doing his own thing and does not care about you. You really need to think of whether it is worth stayin anymore. We all deserve someone to be commited to us. And to me it doesn't seem like he is...all I can say is that when it comes to matters of the heart....only you can call the shots!

[lost in need of help]

Well he asked me to compromise and let him stay there till jan, so i said well i think we both should compromise and suggested he come back a little earlier and he said no. What pi**es me off is that he hasnt even made a commitment to me to show that he is coming home. I asked him for a promise ring (its been 7yrs and i had to ask for that!) and he wouldnt give me one. he talks about marriage and kids yet i see no ring or anything. Yet he was the one that sent me packing home cause my visa ran out and wouldnt do a register marriage (like our house mates) to keep me there. Grrrrrrr why do men suck . Why are they soooooooo cold hearted.????

 

Imtheone4u - you said he may be hiding something, well im wondering if he is still in contact with the girl he cheated on me with or if he has someone else.