Mixed Signals

[Armane]

There's this guy in my fashion studies class that I think I might be into too. He's not very good looking but he's a wonderful person. I've spoken to him a couple of times and I feel we have this link when we talk, but the problem is that I don't know if he really is into me. He says he just broke up with this girl and hasn't dated in a while. But when I asked him to come to a football game with me he said he couldn't because he had a date with a girl from work. To which I faked being thrilled about it!

 

Since we're at a fashion school and most guys are gay here I feel he might be too. He dresses a little feminine and sometimes I see him starring at me during class or trying to get my attention but he doesn't seem to be into me when we talk. Also there was this one time where he placed his hand on my knee for quite while but that was it.

 

I really like this guy and would really like to take him out, but every time I try to, he puts me off. I'm really confused because he's giving me these mixed signals. So what should I do?

[Ohso]

I'd say test the waters some more, ask him out again for a drink or something, if he says he has to be some where else suggest another time. If he says no again then either cut your losses and walk away or wait and try again for a third and final time.

 

I myself get totally confused by these so called signals we send out to each other. I honestly don't know if someone is flirting with me or just being friendly, there's just no way I can tell .

[Armane]

ok...i asked him out for dinner and he said yes. So i set up a time for around 11:00 and he said he'd meet me when he came back from work, but he didn't call. He didn't even shows up. I waited for him for nearly two hours and tried to call him but he didn't pick up. So I met him the next day and asked him casually what happened and he was like he was busy. So we got to talking and I asked him out again and he was like he's busy again because he's got this date from last time and that he would give me a call if he has any time to meet with me. He sends me a message saying sorry he can't meet me and will meet me later. To which i replied saying sure.

 

He hasn't called, he hasn't made an effort to even come up to me. It

s so frustrating because the way he looks at me everyday hints that he's into me, but if hes into me why is he putting me off?

[NKP]

If i was you i would back of and now let him do the running around see how he likes it and if he ask you say your busy and see if he likes how it feels

[Armane]

Okay this is the update. Hes been trying to come close to me hold conversations but i keep telling him I've to go or maybe some other time. I've been putting him off now so he gets a taste of his own medicine. But its really strange in the way he talks to this girl I know and to me. He's more flirty and a completely different person than he's with me. I think he might be straight or maybe he's trying to give me the straight treatment. If there is such a thing. I dunno what to do cause I don't like putting him off.

[Ohso]

I can see why you're so confused, this guy as you said seems to be giving off mixed signals.

 

The question is if you want to keep trying or walk away and forget about it. Walking away would be the easy option but then a missed opportunity is such a waste. If you like this guy then it's probably worth a little more effort just so you can say you yourself that you tried as hard as you could.

 

His behaviour is a little odd but he may just lack confidence, you said he wasn't exactly good looking. If you think that then perhaps he thinks that about himself too and if that's the case then it's all to easy for him to think "I'm kidding myself to think that guy likes me".

 

Quite what you can try next is difficult to answer. You could make up something to do that ties in with yours and his studies (quite what fashion students do I don't know) and spend time together that way. Or instead of a meal ask him back to your place to watch a DVD so it's more private.

[pianoguy]

If it was me I'd probably write the guy off- I mean, you've made multiple efforts to make appointments with him and he's stood you up. That's just rude- he needs to show some responsibility and recriprocate a bit.

 

Have you thought about just asking him outright if he's gay or bisexual? If he's in fashion school he's probably used to hearing that kind of thing.

[Armane]

Thank you Ohso and pianoguy for your feedback...I've tried to ask him about his orientation but to some people at this school its considered a little accusatory. So i've tried to subtly add it in a conversation and usually his feedback is very ambivalent. And because he knows I've gone out with girls in the past he probably must think I'm straight. I wish there was some definite way to know...I'm really starting to think that he might be gay but just doesn't find me attractive anymore.

 

I also tried to ask him he would like watching a movie together and would like to work together afterwords he did agree to it but cancelled last minute again. I even tied in a couple of other people to join us so it wouldn't feel awkward. I'm starting to really doubt whether he's worth all this effort. What should I do?

[Ohso]

While I'm always telling people to keep at it and give it one more try, even I get to a point when enough is enough.

 

It sounds to me like you've been patient and you've certainly tried and tried............and tried again to get something going with this guy. Each time he's either turned you down or cancelled at the last minute so he's had plenty of chances.

 

Now unless you're brave enough to walk up to him and say, "you're a great guy and I fancy the pants off you, how about a date?" then I can't think of anything else you can try.

 

It's a shame if he does like you but there's only so much you can do without him giving something back.

 

You've got the same choices you always had, either be patient and keep trying or give up.

[Haido_Sama]

He is playing you!

 

Show him that you've got self respect!

Show/ tell him that you are interested in doing activities with him but need a little time off.

 

If you keep chasing him, he'll be more elusive. By telling him you are not dependent on him, he'll either show you respect and go for you OR he'll find another person to play.