I miss him as a friend...

[vermilion]

What does it mean when a guy breaks up with you and doesn't even want to be your friend? Does it mean he really never cared about you at all? That's what I'm starting to believe.

 

We met and started going out in June. We spent almost the entire summer together. Long story short he broke up with me the beginning of September when he met a new girl that I guess was a lot better than me or something. She's so cute and short and I'm so jealous.I distanced myself from him and just stopped talking to him or even looking at him because I was so hurt and just wanted to get over him ASAP.

 

I tried thinking about other guys and even developed a crush on one in order to not think about him. I decided my grades and getting into a good college are more important than some guy.And it actually worked. I studied and met new people and if I thought of him I'd just stop myself and think, "He's a jerk, who cares." (He's not a jerk at all, but it makes me feel better..)

 

I thought I was almost completely over him.But today I ran up to the store real quick to get something and I just hid when I saw him there. Mature, I know.

 

And suddenly I can't get him out of my head. The first time we met, when he asked me out, our first kiss, almost every insignificant conversation or smile or look is in my head. I miss him so bad it hurts. It's weird but I feel almost happy one second allowing myself to think about him and then I feel upset because I realize he doesn't think about me anymore.

 

I ended up calling one of my friends (who happens to share a class with him and the other girl) to talk about it. She says he and that other girl broke up (because she likes some other guy) a few days ago. I didn't even know.

 

I mean, don't most people still talk when they break up?

 

And here I am,an idiot, actually thinking, "We can be friends! He'll start talking to me!" and I even have this stupid wish that he'll like me again.

 

I have a really bad headache knowing I have to see him tomorrow and knowing that he's probably as heartbroken for her as I am for him. But more than anything I just want to talk to him again, even if he doesn't have those feelings for me.

 

I can't believe I'm posting this on here, dwelling on it, when I should just be tryng to forget about him again. And Im actually worried someone will recognize me. But oh well...any advice is appreciated.

[tylercdurden2004]

I mean, don't most people still talk when they break up?

 

No and there is no hard and fast rules in this. I think its a bit immature to expect people to be friends after a break up. My ex actually emailed me a few months ago stating:

 

"I think its normal that people talk after they have broken up."

 

Guess I am abnormal.

 

If it happens it happens but you were in a relationship not a friendship with this guy. Friendships end relationships end its best to move on and put it behind you as best you can. There a billions of people on this planet and most of them are great to some degree. If its friends you want go meet one of them. If its reaffirmation of your worth you want then I fear you will be out of luck unless he wants to talk to you.

[annie24]

i'm with tyler.... i CANNOT be friends with an ex. just too difficult for me.

 

for me, I just don't even want to be their friend. If a guy looked at me, took stock of all my features and good points, and decided, "naaaaah. I can live without her." then why would I want to be friends with him!?!?! He rejected me! I would rather hang out with people who value me more.

[tylercdurden2004]

i'm with tyler.... i CANNOT be friends with an ex. just too difficult for me.

 

for me, I just don't even want to be their friend. If a guy looked at me, took stock of all my features and good points, and decided, "naaaaah. I can live without her." then why would I want to be friends with him!?!?! He rejected me! I would rather hang out with people who value me more.

 

 

You forgot to capitalize my name!

 

For me its more about why waste my time. If I have no feelings for her more than a friend fine but then that begs the question I really have feelings for her"

 

Like I said there are sooo many people out there I would rather meet someone new and interesting than take the safety route with someone "I already know."

 

Its interesting that there is almost an expectation of friends afterwards like its owed to each other. I say bollocks. If your friends great if not great either way it was a relationship that ended and carry on your merry little way. Far too many people on here and in the real world get themselves into trouble playing this silly game of expectations. Whew!

[annie24]

For me its more about why waste my time. If I have no feelings for her more than a friend fine but then that begs the question I really have feelings for her"

 

it's funny you should say that. I was looking back on a breakup I had a while back. He broke up with me, but was upset that I wouldn't be his friend. I told him only to call me if he wanted to get back together. Part of the reason he broke up with me was that he thought I liked him more than he liked me.

 

And then I was thinking about it, months later, and i thought enough time had passed and I felt healed enough to be friends with him. But then I thought about it, and realized I didn't want be his friend! I simply do not have the desire.

 

and yeah, maybe that is a sign that I was never all that into him.

 

So HA! His theory about me liking him too much was disproven!

[vermilion]

But I had never been able to connect with anyone like I had with him. He just seemed to understand me better than anyone. So its not like I can just find someone else so easily.

 

for me, I just don't even want to be their friend. If a guy looked at me, took stock of all my features and good points, and decided, "naaaaah. I can live without her." then why would I want to be friends with him!?!?! He rejected me! I would rather hang out with people who value me more.

 

I can't really blame him. I mean, she's 1000 times better looking than me. And he was always too good for me to begin with. Sometimes I wish I had never dated him so I could just still be friends with him. Maybe he knows I still have feelings for him even though I don't look at him or talk to him and decided it'd be better not to lead me on?

 

But I guess from what I've read I shouldn't try to talk to him or anything.

[rightfromthestart]

"I think its normal that people talk after they have broken up."

 

i think what is normal to one person, isn't normal to someone else.,..and what the heck is normal anyways? i think normal means, what someone is capable of, comfortable with, and wants.

[annie24]

But I had never been able to connect with anyone like I had with him. He just seemed to understand me better than anyone. So its not like I can just find someone else so easily.

 

 

 

I can't really blame him. I mean, she's 1000 times better looking than me. And he was always too good for me to begin with. Sometimes I wish I had never dated him so I could just still be friends with him. Maybe he knows I still have feelings for him even though I don't look at him or talk to him and decided it'd be better not to lead me on?

 

But I guess from what I've read I shouldn't try to talk to him or anything.

 

oh honey, I don't want to sound patronizing.. but you are 16. you will meet many many men, and lots of them will be REALLY a good friend to you. not just run off with another girl (even if she is 1000 times prettier, which I bet she is not!)

 

blah. don't "settle" for being his friend. i think he disrespected you by leaving you for this girl.

 

if you had met another guy, even if he was hotter, would you have left your bf? not if you really liked and respected him.

[rightfromthestart]

I can't really blame him. I mean, she's 1000 times better looking than me. And he was always too good for me to begin with

 

red flag! self-esteem issues galore. really try to not compare yourself to anyone else. u are unique. there is no else like you. remember that ok

[Caterina]

You like him and are sad its over. Its normal. This to shall pass.