Has anyone had any success?

[terk2021]

Has anyone had any success getting back together? It seems like every post out here is how bad everyone has had it.

[FCTex]

95% of relationships that end, never resume to full status.

 

Your not mistaken if you hear how bad everything is here. But on the positive side, most people that get back together fine, don't have a reason to come back and post too..

 

More often than not, you'll find that some couples attempt, but it never really works as well as we all would like to with our ex's.

 

You'll see that most people have temporary success, but ultimately never get the relationship eithier need or want.

[terk2021]

Great point on them not coming back and posting. Most relationships do end for a reason...

[Batya33]

My boyfriend and I broke up almost ten years ago and successfully got back together last year. During the time we were not together, we e-mailed sporadically but never too personally, spoke by phone once and saw each other once for a brief dinner a few years ago.

[joeG]

Batya, see that to me...is nothing short of fate. Love like that, is beautiful.

 

I met my ex 5 years ago (We hung out for a week over the holidays with family) barely spoke, I thought she was rather annoying. Way too young. We didn't speak, or see eachother for 3 years.

 

A year in a half ago, I was living at her aunts. She came up on a whim to visit. And we instantly fell for eachother.

 

Not really a "getting back together" story. But things like THAT, I believe happen for a reason.

[onelittleladybug]

Hi Im new here but have been reading for a few weeks.

 

A lot of people here ask if there are any success stories. I personally would love to hear some but since people dont really have so many here I thought Id post some of the ones I know about.

 

I dont know if you guys think this counts, but in my family most people have been together really long term, there are few divorces. Almost all of the couples in my family split up for a few months within the first 2-3 years of their relationship before getting back together permanently.

 

My best friend and her husband met when we were 17 and were together for about 18 months before splitting up. They never forgot each other and finally got back together about 4 years later and have been together now for 10 years.

 

Another good friend of mine broke up with her live in boyfriend for a year before getting back together again.

 

My fiance and I broke up and got back together a week later last year but that was such a short break it hardly counts. Its been 3 months since we broke up again. It was his decision. I know hes not sure about this. We have talked about spending some time together but I can hear he's not ready to come back completely. Im trying to focus on myself but many times I slip into obsessing about this. I havent really called obsessively and Ive been doing minimal contact but I was really angry at first and now Im trying to focus on positive things between us. He moved 1000 miles away for a job (I refused to go with him at first and then changed my mind but it was too late). I feel like I have to at least have a month or two more of reminding him of the good things between us before doing nc. Its working somewhat but slowly and I have to be careful to not push for any answers. I am not ready to let go and neither is he but he says he cant ask me to wait for him which gets on my nerves big time since he sent me a love letter about a month ago but I know he has a lot of things to figure out and that I wont stop loving him just out of the blue and Im not ready to date anywhere near soon anyway.

 

I hope my stories helped a little. I would love to hear from other people if they reconciled or know someone who did.

[annie24]

My boyfriend and I broke up almost ten years ago and successfully got back together last year. During the time we were not together, we e-mailed sporadically but never too personally, spoke by phone once and saw each other once for a brief dinner a few years ago.

 

from one point of view, you two have both grown and changed in the last 10 years, you are effectively different people than who you were back then.

[Batya33]

from one point of view, you two have both grown and changed in the last 10 years, you are effectively different people than who you were back then.

 

That is very true and is the major basis why what did not work then seems to be working - or at least working much better - now.

 

My sister- this is funny - said that he counts as me sleeping with another person because as she put it - all our cells regenerated in the time apart so we are truly different people physically and I thereforeeee increased my "numbers" by one when we reunited. LOL.

[annie24]

that is true! after 7 years, all of the cells in your body have regenerated, so you really ARE different people! add another notch on your bedpost

 

Often when people on here ask how to get their ex back, my main question is this.... what has changed? how are things different now? why would it work now when it didn't 2 weeks ago?

 

Obviously, if 10 years have passed and you are now different people who have grown and changed, then there is a real shot at having things work out.

 

but if two people get back together a few weeks or months later, and haven't addressed the issues at the core of their breakup, another breakup will happen soon.

 

As for the "success" stories of getting back together, two people here stick out.

 

One is DN. He tells the story a lot better than I do, obviously, but him and his gf broke up when she decided to go back to her home country. After several months apart, she decided she'd rather be with him, so she moved back to his country, and they eventually got married, and have now been together for 31 years

 

Hope75 is the other. i don't know all the details of her story, but they are floating around here somewhere, but I think the key was that her and her boyfriend really BOTH wanted to reconcile, and they really worked hard on working out the issues that caused them to split up in the first place.

 

I think the key thing in both those situations is that everyone really made an effort to get back together and resolve the issues that drove them apart.

[vesper]

that is true! after 7 years, all of the cells in your body have regenerated, so you really ARE different people!

 

Thats interesting, I did not know that !

[ZoeMatthews]

Success story...My story is kind of a success story...

 

My boyfriend broke up with me on October 31, 2005. Almost a year ago. I was devastated because I thought that he and I would be together forever. I put up with the crazy ex plus a whole bunch of his other issues. Eventually, he decided that he needed his space...of course, I acted stupid and asked the usual questions, is it me? was it because I have gained weight?.. blah blah

 

I tried to keep in contact, but he finally put me in my place by telling me that I was not giving him the space he needed...that hurt, but it finally sunk in. He even said that he did not love me anymore...

 

Fine, I moved on with my life...

 

The Day after Thanksgiving of that same year, I was let go from my job. I was devastated...I was expecting the lay offs because of company downsizing, but it caught me by surprise because the lay off was much too early...financially, I was strapped....

 

I called him that same day (we had not spoken for 2 weeks)...we had been broken up for almost a month.

 

I explained the situation, asked him if he could help me until I got back on my feet and he said yes.

 

3 days later...I was over at his house ....when I saw him, I realized then, he had needed me more than I had needed him...

 

One thing led to another and by January we were living together...we have been together ever since. The crazy ex is still in his life via the step child (he has no kids with her but she is raising her daughter's son...and my ex loves the child).

 

He and I still have a lot of issues...and sometimes I wish I had never called him to ask him for help....

 

Z.

[moonbeam111]

I have a success story. I have been reading posts in this section for about a month now. My boyfriend and I broke up two months ago. We have been together for three years and I felt that it was time to move forward or part ways. I nagged and pressured him into marriage and he freaked out. We broke up and I started doing NC. Thanks to this website and some others, I stayed strong and moved on with my life. Had a few dates, signed up for classes, and planned a few trips with friends. Well, last Saturday he called and begged for a meeting. I felt strong enough to meet with him and say final good bye. Guess what? He proposed! He said that being away from me helped him realize how much he loved and needed me.

Now I want you to know that we have broken up before. And every time I would get anxious and start begging, calling, and driving to his house to talk about our relationship. This time I did nothing. NC. 100%.

We will be getting married next year.

Another thing that I learned from NC. You need to stay busy. Physically, emotionally, and mentally. We are back together but I don't plan on dropping any of new activites I started while on a break.

[annie24]

hey!!! congrats! what a happy story!

 

And yeah, you just answered at the end the question I was about to ask, which is if you were planning on dropping any of the new activities and I am glad to hear that you're not. Clearly he loves the stong, independent, fun you, and I am glad you are sticking to that!

 

I hope you guys have a great wedding and marriage!

[moonbeam111]

Thank you annie! A month ago I found this website and spent hours and hours reading posts. Caveat, Icemoto, and SuperDave's posts on NC. Also major's and some others. Oh, and redmage's thread on letters to the ex... it was the best therapy! It was like living someone's story and experiencing the same feelings because my story was so similar. I remember reading posts for 4 hours strait! Midnight, early morning, afternoon... My friends were supportive but they did not know how I felt. NC was an entirely new concept for me. I said to myself over and over that I should think with my head, not my heart. Let my heart bleed and cry, but don't act out on it.

Regardless of the outcome, I have grown during the NC period and I will never go back to submitting my life completely to another person.

Annie, it's interesting what you wrote about being strong and independent. My ex/soon-to-be husband was surprised that I had so much going on for me and looked so happy when we met. He said "oh, you were busy and had a lot of fun...".

I have been a lurker on this website for some time and learned so much from people who are not afraid to talk about their pain here. I suspect that many lurkers benefit from your support guys. You never know...

[annie24]

hey - I am really glad to hear that enotalone has helped you out!

 

I am just wondering, what made you stop lurking and start posting?

[moonbeam111]

Annie, I posted because I wanted to share that NC actually works! Again, even without my boyfriend getting back with me, I was able to feel better about myself after about a month of doing NC. In my case, NC has been empirically proven to be the best condition to change my thinking, behaviors, and feelings.

[skyjuice]

Hi

 

I did read a book of regaarding rekindling relationship with long lost lovers or high school sweet heart. Most of them are successfully but it takes a long period of time from 7 years to 30 years long before they reunited together.

 

Sometimes I wonder it is possible to happen to those who are living in different countries or in a

LDR to reunit together? Is there any success stories for this kind of relationship?

[FCTex]

I'm sure there is success in everything, it's just harder and rarer to obtain.

 

It's one thing for certain, if two people that still have a strong real love for one another, they will find their way back to each other.. One way or another.

[Scout]

I have a success story to share that happened to a good friend of mine. She and her boyfriend were living together. This past January, she asked him out of the blue if he really loved her. She didn't know what made her ask that, but his response completely floored her: he said he didn't know. Well, that led to their subsequent break up a month later. She was devastated. He moved out of their apartment. She moved to a smaller apartment. They immediately tried to make the transition to being "just friends" but that quickly derailed the minute he gave her a heads up he was interested in dating someone else. So, she decided to have nothing else to do with him. By this time, it was March.

 

Two weeks later after telling him she wanted nothing else to do with him, she got an email from him that was full of remorse, begging her for a second chance, that he had screwed up the best thing that ever happened to him. She decided she really loved him, and so she got back together with him.

 

Seven months later, and they're still together.

[BONO]

Has anyone had any success getting back together? It seems like every post out here is how bad everyone has had it.

 

 

Yes. Me.

 

 

The thing is, most people dont have time to post their success stories because they move on from this forum when they get back together and or get a new love.

 

 

Its a shame, but perhaps human nature.

 

 

 

Saying that, Im here and happy

 

 

 

 

Scruff