dumpers who "fell out of love", list your reasons why

[jsmith999]

Dear Dumpers,

 

"falling out of love" seems to be one of the biggest reasons for a breakup. for those of you who have been in a LTR of 1 year or longer, and if you claimed to "fall out of love" with your partner ... what are the reasons that made you feel this way?

 

for example ... at a high-level, very generally speaking, we can say something like "unmet expectations" .. if we drill down a little further we may be able to attribute this to the dumpee either changing from the person whom we fell in love into someone that dis-attracted us, OR we got to know the dumpee was not really the person that we fell in love with in the first place (symptom of people putting on best behaviour during the courtship phase)

 

another example could be, over the years the dumpee failed to take care of themselves physically (became fat or sickly or whatever) and thus we "fell out of love" with them ...

 

the above were just two examples, i'm looking for other reasons (details, not high level fluff) what you dumpers have felt that caused you to "fall out of love"

 

let's hear it! remember, i'd like to focus on dumpers who claim to have "fallen out of love" ..

 

ultimately I hope this thread can give us some insight into things that may help us poor dumpers from doing things that may trigger the "falling out of love" feelings

[Oldboy]

Someone else came along when she was low and made her feel good.

[bungalo]

I think it's an individual thing. I know that I dumped my second wife

because she refused to take care of herself-physically and emotionally.

When someone doesn't respect themselves you can't really respect them either. Sometimes it's just clingyness that drives people away...I've been clingy myself and highly dependent, but am working on it.

[Q10]

clingyness..calling all the time & not giving me a personal space

[ImThatGirl]

Changed for the worst. Was very attentive, caring, and loving at first... then changed to unattentive and selfish later.

 

Lots of people seem to wear a mask for as long as they can. Then it starts coming off and everything changes sometimes....

[rmpavlock]

-When thinking about a future with him, it wasn't a happy thought

-We had too many fights and "break ups"

-I was constantly nervous about the next big fight

-I felt more anxious than excited when I was with him

[Allie.]

mm. i just broke up with my bf today because i lost "feelings"...mine was because...

he was too much of a

Clingy guy.

[laboheme]

I was actually the dumpee, but I think I understand my ex's reasons pretty well...

 

He poured his heart and soul into the relationship...and I've been putting him second to my own pride and work. Quite frequently I would be angry with him for no reason at all. He got worn out and couldn't handle it anymore. He didn't deserve to be treated like that and once he realized it, he broke things off...My behavior destroyed the love he had for me...

[nsbguy32169]

I'm the dumpee too, but I am pretty sure I understand what happened...

 

It would be 3 years at the end of this September and we're only 20 and 19. We both have huge lives ahead of us and she was starting to realize it. She realized how much of life she had restrained herself from experiencing because she wanted to be with me all the time and it was starting to catch up... She basically had a huge epiphone and it gave her a distaste for love. I don't know if she really fell out love with me because of it or this epiphone made her hate love, but either way we're still broken up so what does it matter. I don't blame her because I've accomplished every goal I've set out for because I was older... I graduated first, went to college first and she kind of followed. She wants her own successes in life and wants to be on her own and do her own thing for a few years before she consider settling down.

 

I completely understand it all, but damn it sucks to be on the receiving end of something like that. I'll always love her and she will always love me... Maybe things would have worked out if we had met in 5 years or something... and maybe we will meet again in 5 years, who knows?

[doyathink]

Because I dont tolerate being cheated on or lied too. How can someone love a lier and a cheater? These two things tend to make you run the other way.

[desertnomad]

I agree lying and cheating shouldnt be tolerated. And I think once a liar almost always a liar. Some people can change but compulsive liars dont change often. My ex lied to me the first month we lived together...she never changed in 4 years and ended cheating on me in the end. guess I should have been the dumper in the first month.

[AntiLove_SuperStar]

I never did fall out of love with a certain person - I only ended it because I couldn't take it, knowing he'd have done it soon anyway.

 

Note To Him, Out There - If you really loved me, you'd have made it work. I'm sorry I was obviously not QUITE good enough for you.

[blemished]

I like your handle, anti-love. I have nothing to contribute to the conversation, as I have not dumped someone I really loved.

[Stambler]

As the "dumper" - I left my first wife because I didn't like the way she treated me. She was critical, always arguing with me, belittled me in front of others and never wanted to have sex (months on end). I spoke to her about all these things and she never made changes.

 

As the "dumpee" - My current wife said that her feelings for me eroded over time because I was depressed and not doing anything to help myself. She's not in love with me anymore. I made changes - new career, exercise, positive attitude! Now I'm a new man, but she says it's too late...

 

There will NOT be a third wife!

[rightfromthestart]

I don't care if you never come home

I don't mind if you just keep on rowin' away on a distant sea

'Cause I don't love you and you don't love me

You cause a commotion when you come to town

You give 'em a smile and they melt

And your lovers and friends is all good and fine

But I don't like yours and you don't like mine

I don't care what you do at night

Oh, oh, I don't care how you get your delite

We'll leave it alone and just let it be

"Cause I don't love you and you don't love me

I got a problem ... can you relate?

I got a woman callin' love hate

We made a vow we'd always be friends

How could we know that promises end?

 

La la, la la la la

La la, la la la la

 

I got a problem ... can you relate?

I got a woman callin' love hate

We made a vow we'd always be friends

How could we know that promises end?

 

Walk out if it doesn't feel right,

I can tell you're only lying.

If you've got something better tonight

Then don't mess up my mind with your crying.

Just walk out in the rain,

Walk out with your dreams,

Walk out of my life if you don't feel right.

And catch the next train;

Oh, darling, walk out in the rain.

 

I have come from so far away

Was gonna put a ring on your finger.

If you've said all that you've got to say

Then please don't feel the need to linger.

It's raining outside of the city;

My poor feet have walked till they're sore.

If you don't want my love, it's a pity.

 

I got a problem ... can you relate?

I got a woman callin' love hate

We made a vow we'd always be friends

How could we know that promises end?

 

It's time to go home now and I've got an aching head,

So I give R the car keys and she helps me to bed.

And then I tell her, as I turn out the light,

I say, "My darling, you were wonderful tonight.

Oh my darling, you were wonderful tonight."

[NCTuskie]

Me? Let's see...

 

First girl I dumped... a relationship of over a year. I was young 21 and she was 18. I didn't see it going anywhere. I didn't feel like she would be the one I could spend the rest of my life with. I knew that I had a lot of growing up to do, and so did she. Instead of vesting several more years waiting for her to grow up, I dumped her. Not to mention that she was overweight, and always made issues about it.

 

Second girl... Don't really know if we were bf/gf, rather than just friends with benefits. She seemed like a nice girl, but was rather unmotivated. In the few months I we were together we never really did anything. Eventually I accepted a job in another state. When I broke the news she was upset, and I was surprised that she felt the way she did.

 

The next three relationships involved me getting dumped, and blown off.

 

Third girl I dumped... although she's a good woman, just wasn't compatable with my career and life goals. Probably a stupid reason for dumping a chick, but I had to put myself first.

 

Last girl I dumped... had maturity, drug, and alcohol issues. Although she was the closest woman to being supportive in what I wanted to do, I had to let that go.

 

Now I've been dumped again.

[dreamguy]

Changed for the worst. Was very attentive, caring, and loving at first... then changed to unattentive and selfish later.

 

Lots of people seem to wear a mask for as long as they can. Then it starts coming off and everything changes sometimes....

Same here.

[rightfromthestart]

"I never did fall out of love with a certain person - I only ended it because I couldn't take it, knowing he'd have done it soon anyway."

 

anti! not to be mean, but that makes no sense! why in the world would u think something like that? can u explain?

[rightfromthestart]

C- "As the "dumpee" - My current wife said that her feelings for me eroded over time because I was depressed and not doing anything to help myself. She's not in love with me anymore. I made changes - new career, exercise, positive attitude! Now I'm a new man, but she says it's too late..."

 

think about what u just said...you were sick and in a state where u couldn't help yerself and so she stopped loving u? now that u are a new man, don't go back to someone that runs away when the going gets tough...rem,ember - for better or for worse...its easy to stick and stay when everythings peachy...the test is when u hit the ditch...because trust me, life will always have ups and downs...consider yourself...new and improved and available...now work that new mojo man!

[sometimes_vague]

No sexual chemistry which ultimately lead to a wall building between us intimately

[whoops]

better offer of work came along thought socially could do better and best to run aaway from current world - began to distance self but kept me around till happier so not lonely thereforeeee used and abused i guess but the worst thing is i knew it.

 

his depressive mintues continuously talking about him made me bored and the attraction diminished as he became colder and less passionate - it was so dull i thought there was more to it.

 

He still thinks i want him - dont think he will ever get it - i can do so much better i have to be sure of that. Once a liar always a manipulator of the truth - he lies to everyone around him until he sorts himself out - ohhhh i am getting mad again!