Being #2

[lildj]

Ive been dating my boyfriend for about a year now. We have had massive issues due to his infidelity, etc. He left his wife VERY shortly before getting involved with me, and the two of them have been battling since. She is highly abusive and has made our lives awful for almost the whole time. I cant blame HER though, because he perpetuates it by going back and forth with her emotions.

 

Recently, I found out that he was telling her that he loved her and wanted to fix things. She had heard it all before and basically took a stand and shut him down. She knew how he would come running back to me within a few days and it would just be even more problematic.

 

Mind you, he and I were together while he was doing all this. I broke things off with him, only to have him beg for my forgiveness...called me crying 40-50 times a day, constantly text messaged me, even brought me roses. He told me that he had made a mistake and I was really the one he loved and wanted.

 

So...like usual, I took him back.

 

Now...the problem. I feel like he only wants me back because she wont take him. And that I am some kind of 'consolation prize.' I feel second rate...and its a terrible feeling.

 

Last night, in bed, I asked him if I was who he really wanted to be there with. His reply was, 'Well who else would I be in your bed with?' He makes jokes about it. So, I said, 'I really wanted to know if you want to be with someone else...' And he gave me a simple, 'no.'

 

He wont talk about it, which makes me dwell on it...thus making my mind wander and makes the issue grow exponentially in my mind.

 

I already know I shouldnt be with this guy in the first place. Ive tried letting go over and over again. I just cant seem to, so I need to figure out a way to come to terms with this issue in my own mind.

 

Thanks guys,

Andie

[amtjrtcet]

Hi Andie. Sorry to hear about your situation. I can understand why you would feel 2nd rate. I think what it boils down to is that you should step away from the situation. Give it time, as much as it takes for you to feel like he is truly over her, and that he wants to be with you-not just at 2nd rate. This will be hard, but its the only way you will really know. Good luck. Be strong

[babypink61]

It seems like he's not sure of what he really wants and is going back and forth between you and his wife. I think the best thing would be to separate from him for a while and give him so time to figure out what he really wants. I

[CarnelianButterfly]

Take some time for yourself and get away from him. Clear your head and really cut off contact for a while, NO CALLS NO TEXTS, block him out. Give yourself some space to move on, he's getting you back because he's bugging you until you give in. Stop giving in. This guy is no good for you, how can you build a relationship when you don't even know if tomorrow he'll be back with his wife. Get out of this. I suggest telling her too so after you leave she'll be prepared for him to come crying to her and can rebuff him too.

[lildj]

I know you all are right...Im hearing it all the time from friends and family. Even his own mother! Let me tell ya...this is the hardest relationship I have ever tried to walk away from. The guy is almost stalker-like when I try and leave. He shows up at my house!

 

As far as the wife...well, she already knows. She makes sure to tell me when he is talking to her (not ever in a nice way). She actually shut him down because of it. As mean as she is, I wish I had her strength.

 

Thank you all. I need to find a way of just letting it all go.

[ender1]

Sorry to be harsh, but you're with a loser from the fact that he is a child with the cheating and so forth.

 

Does he really want to be with you?

 

What about asking yourself a similiar question? Do you really want to be with this kind of person? Or are you sticking with him because YOU don't think you can find someone better or someone else? Because you most CERTAINTLY can find an honorable decent man who can make you happy and not pull you into his childness insane world.

 

Good luck