passion vs. stability

[segagirl]

I am having a very hard time and needed some thoughts please

been dating this guy off and on for a few years. We have been back committed for about 5 months. We have all the great things one would want... committment, honestly, friendship, enjoyment and security. It is headed striaght towrds marriage.

BUT something is stopping me, its passion. I feel no passion for him, i dont get excited to see him or spend timewith him. Its more like I am going along because its what I supposed to do and because I do like him

 

So do I throw away all the wonderful things he does in order to take a chance on finding someone that I can really have passion with? Or is there sometime in your life where passion is just not important

[renaissancewoman101]

Do you enjoy being around him AT ALL?

 

Do you think the passion was there in the beginning, but then it got stale or stagnant? If so, you can reignite the passion.

[hosswhispra]

BUT something is stopping me, its passion. I feel no passion for him, i dont get excited to see him or spend timewith him. Its more like I am going along because its what I supposed to do and because I do like him

 

If you're certain there isn't a spark present, then don't waste any more of your time or his time.

 

I think you're pretty certain that there isn't a spark, especially since you've dated him exclusively for 5 months.

 

Both of you deserve people who you feel passionate about and vice versa.

 

Life is too short to compromise on things of this nature.

[segagirl]

I do like being around him very much I would sa y he is my best friend. We never did have that spark or passion. The prob. is I can get that spark whem I meet others in about two seconds. I guess I wonder if a relationship has all the other good pieces, can I live without passion. And by passion I mean that sheer wanting to see, touch and be around them every min. Or that not seeing him for days makes me sad (it does not)

[hosswhispra]

I guess I wonder if a relationship has all the other good pieces, can I live without passion. And by passion I mean that sheer wanting to see, touch and be around them every min. Or that not seeing him for days makes me sad (it does not)

 

I think you answered your own question with the above quote.

 

You would be cheating yourself and him if you settled for anything less.

 

What keeps you holding on to this relationship? Fear that you won't meet anyone else?

[FortunateOne]

Well, passion is lust. This never lasts, that's why people call it the honeymoon phase. Since you guys where friends to begin with maybe you've grown to enjoy each other's company. I've spoken to a few elderly couple on how they stayed together for so long and they all had similatiy in companionship to credit for the lenght of their marriage. Remember lust is not love. Do people lust their God or love him, do people lust their pets or love them. Get my point. Don't throw out a great guy, unless you're incompatable, just because you've lost you mojo.

[doyathink]

When I love someone I dont lose the 'passion' for them..I get all giddy everytime I see them no matter how long I have been with them. You need to answer that question for yourself, can you live w/o it?

[hosswhispra]

Love evolves.

 

Sure, passion wanes.

 

But the spark should be initially present. Otherwise, you just are platonic friends.

[renaissancewoman101]

But even if there was a "spark" in the beginning, that can die out and a relationship can die out.

 

Spark does not equal relationship or the survival of a relationship.

 

Compatibility is the crux of the relationship. That ensures its survival.

[hosswhispra]

Compatibility is very important.

 

But I am compatible with a lot of my friends (male and female). However without a sexual spark, then that's all they are...really good friends.

 

I still think that it's imperative to feel a spark in the beginning.

 

The best would be:

 

Compatibility + Spark = the relationship hoss wants.

[FortunateOne]

That's why compatibility equals companionship.

[doyathink]

Compatibility is very important.

 

But I am compatible with a lot of my friends (male and female). However without a sexual spark, then that's all they are...really good friends.

 

I still think that it's imperative to feel a spark in the beginning.

 

The best would be:

 

Compatibility + Spark = the relationship hoss wants.

 

I agree 100% with you. For me to have a relationship with someone, I have to have passion! And...to keep that passion to some degree forever!

[doyathink]

That's why compatibility equals companionship.

 

LOL, MG....I am compatible with my dog and she is my companion too! You dont need passion?

[renaissancewoman101]

But sometimes you can have the passion and the spark and no compatibility and the relationship dies out. That's what happened with my last relationship. After dating for two years, I realized that we had very little in common. The spark was there, but nothing else.

[melrich]

And by passion I mean that sheer wanting to see, touch and be around them every min. Or that not seeing him for days makes me sad (it does not)

 

I would not be in a relationship or marry someone if I did not feel this. Sure I am 7 years into my relationship and maybe it is not every minute nowadays but I still am bursting to see her at the end of the day and miss her terribly if we have to spend nights apart.

 

After five months you should not be just going through the routine. Yous ound more like best friends than lovers.

[Jennster]

Boy does this situtation sound familiar to me - I had a similar post to this a few weeks ago.

 

At some point I think you have to keep the passion going or try and create it if it's not there...for me...my love for my BF evolved out of our friendship and our values in life. As time has gone by I have found myself becoming more attracted to him in that passionate way but it's taken time and there are times when I question things. But because I love him and because I see a future with him - a future that I want - I am trying to make things work but it takes some effort.

 

It's a personal decision you have to decide for yourself.

[segagirl]

Thanks everyone for your thoughts. I guess it really does come down to this very personal feeling of what you can and cannot live without. For some reason I am stuck right in the middle feeling both sides of this and feel torn down the middle. Getting as many thoughts as possible helps me to take a look at all of this and make sure I am being rationale....if there is such a thing in love...

[finewhine]

OK, my best friend went through the same thing as you last year. She asked me the same questions, she even pondered the meaning of love. Exact same situation.

 

Ultimately, she dumped the guy. Was she totally devestated for a few months? Yes. Does she regret her decision now? Absolutely not. She feels better than she has in years.

 

What's better - wondering forever about the passion you could have had or a few months of heartache? Your call.

[ender1]

Any long relationship like people have said is going to lose the passion, or it will get routine and you'll lose that freshness.

 

However, if there never was that certain spark, then do not get married, because it will be a constant source of misery for you. Once you're married is is way more difficult to get out of the situation.