confused...Love or just lonely?

[Lainie]

I've been married for four years and have two young children. I am fortunate enough to stay at home full time with my children. My husband's profession has him working almost twelve hour days (this includes his commute) and he works six days a week. Although I enjoy being home with my kids, I never really fully adjusted to it. I gave up my career as soon as I had my first born. I've never felt complete since. My husband and I have our ups and downs. He's rarely home and if he is, he is either tired or has things to do. He always makes time for our kids and he tries to make to time for me, but there's just too much going on. We haven't gone out in months. Either because he's working or we go out as a family. Money is tight, one of the reasons why we don't go out (just the two of us). When we are alone together, it's always discussions about friends, family or money problems. We just end up arguing...I have voiced to him about wanting to go back to work, but we both decided that with the cost of childcare, my whole paycheck might just go to that. I have even told him how lonely I've felt for the longest time, he would tell me I'm just too needy. I don't have any close friends to talk to and I don't really go out with friends because there's never really any money to spare....I have just felt soo alone. I thought that having two small children would take up all my time, it does and so does running the house, but there are times when I just feel an overwhelming feeling of loneliness. Now, the problem. Just recently, I got in touch with an old friend from grammar school. We were good friends then, he and I, and I even had a crush on him. It has been fifteen years, but when we spoke to each other (once over the phone), it was like no time had passed at all. He was still the same, but no longer that little boy. He knows I'm married with children and he's in a commited relationship. During the course of the conversation. I was just brought back to the past and I found myself falling for him again. He admitted to me that he used to have a crush on me and I told him that I had a crush on him back then also. It was a friendly conversation, catching up on each other's lives. He mentioned during the conversation that he had looked for me for a long time and I asked him why, but he'd never really answer my question. So now we communicate through email almost everyday and he has a sense of humor and makes me laugh. Just receiving an email from him would brighten up my day. I would send him an email, a few minutes later he would respond...then back and forth (when we can). I haven't seen him, but I think I'm falling for him. I don't know why. I'm thinking maybe it's an escape from loneliness or am I just reliving those carefree days as a child with an old childhood crush? Now, I can't seem to get him out of my head. No matter what I do, all I think about is him. Sometimes, I don't even care if my husband comes home late or not. I don't know what to do. If I could it all over, I wish I had never met up with this guy again. I don't know how he feels about me, he's always been good about hiding his true feelings. I didn't even know then he had a crush on me. So I feel guilty being married and thinking about another guy. What should I do?

[slider]

Lainie,

 

I think you should keep this email as friends. Get him out of your head if you still love your husband.

 

You need to have a serious conversation with your husband because your marriage has fallen into a "rut". The same thing day after day. Tell him you are not happy and why, be honest. Let him know that the future of your relationship depends on it. It really does. Also there are many things you and your husband can do that requires very little money. Think of some and do them. It'll keep your marriage healthy.

[Knctrnl22]

I hate to tell you this but when you chose to marry this man you said for better or for worst didn't you? This guy that has appeared in your life is just a temptation that you need to fight off. Religiously speaking I don't think that God would approve of your behavior, think of your kids they are the ones that might have to pay for your mistakes if you pursue this. Also, if you are not religious than it is very clear that your e-mailing so much and sharing of intimate thoughts about crushing with another male is unethical. Your husband has to be the better man because you chose him and he has given you some wonderful children, you two just seriously need to talk. Just my opinion

[dviewed]

All the other posters are correct...put your effort into making your marriage work. Any second that you spend even thinking about this other man is a drain on your marriage. Try remembering why you first fell for your husband.

If you two can't work it out, then break away cleanly and go from there. But don't think for a minute that the time you spend interacting with this guy isn't hurting your relationship with your husband...because it is.