Just got a friendly rejection....

[picsite]

I just got a friendly rejection...well not "just" its been about a week. This is the girl I had been crushing on for a lot of the summer and I finally did it and she said she thought of me as a really good friend and still really liked this other guy who had already rejected her. This was all on the phone and then we just started about about her day, my day etc as if nothing had happened.

 

When school started again on monday, this happened saturday, I could tell there was a difference. This year we have all of our classes together and before I had talked to her she was very playful with me and it was nice, but now we still walk together to our next class from one class to another but it was quite dry, like we said 2 sentences the whole way to our next class.

 

And I also noticed a change with her msn, before she would msg me A LOT, but now not even one msg. I understand that shes gonna be busy with school and all like me, BUT when she comes online she always talks becuz coming online for her means shes free (i picked that up from getting to know her so well over the summer). So I even tried msgin her and we'd talk somethin about school for a little bit and then the convo would die down and then thats it. For the past 2 days I even tried just not even msgin her to see if shed msg me herself but its not happening.

 

So after this really long post what I want to ask is what is my next move from here? Should I try to msg her more? Should I just try and distance myself from her? All I know at the moment is that her best friend said that tellin her i liked her was supposed to help and make the situation better having it out in the open. It worked with another girl and now we're a lot closer but with this girl it seems to be distancing me from her....and I miss talking to her and I miss how she used to annoy me by msgin me every 5 sec...Should I give her more time to adapt to the situation, I'm really confused and I just want to go back to how things were before I told her and I should have just held it in and never told her

 

I feel very depressed.........and everyday I have to fake that nothings wrong between us even though I know there is......

[craign]

Tell her how you feal>If you honestly want the friendship back that you had and not trying to date her.Let her know.But you its akward when you find something out like this from a friend.I have a friend that told me this recently.I feal so akward around her now.I dont want to lead her on.So i try to distance myself from her.It sucks bad.I want the friendship we had.But she gets really goofy around me now.Give it time.Give her time.We all take chances and sometimes it doesnt work out how we like.I would just back off and give her space.Or talk to her and tell her "hey i can respect,just friends".If you cant dont say it and give the relationship some space.You have no idea how things work out.

[Alabama]

In these kind of situations it is best I think to lean on the side of caution. Sometimes we do want things to go back they way they were, but somethings aren't meant to be. I guess just keep being friends with her and see if she eventually changes. You don't want to seem persistent, as that can come out wrong. But if things don't change, than you may have to eventually accept the way they are. But don't give up hope, just yet.

[mgirl]

At least you told her how you feel - it takes a lot of courage so you should be proud of yourself.

 

As for her not messaging you or seeing you as much, she is probably adapting and thinking about what you said. Or maybe she has other things on her mind with the guy that 'rejected' her. Maybe just give her her space for a while and in a few weeks, pop in front of her at school and ask her how she is. You never know, she might come to see what she has missed out on in you!

 

No matter how you look at it, you have done your best and you should be proud of yourself.

[ghozt]

i will give you this one advise girls are very confuseing half the time they dont mean what the say and ladies you know its true, you have to let time weave it out, eventually you too will get back to the way you were its the same with me ive had the whole "just friends" thing alot and over tiem it got better between us

[stopit]

Your best bet is to talk to her about what's going on. Ask her how she feels, adn tell her that you want to work through the awkwardness to restore a platonic relationship. Getting her back as a friend, seeing as how you miss her so much, is clearly important to you so I'd focus on restoring the regular flow of things first. Like the other posters said, give it time and things will get back to normal soon enough!

[picsite]

thanks everyone....I think I'm gonna just give it a bit of time so that she can take in the situation and process it and etc....so I will just keep my distance unless she is the one coming to me or msgin me. Hopefully she'll feel more comfortable in a little while and things will get back to normal..

 

another thing is that her birthday is coming up in 3 weeks, as really close friends before I would have got her a gift (I dont usually get friends gifts unless I go to their party or we're really close and becuz i was really close with her i was gonna get her a gift) but now I'm not so sure if I will get her one....

[sumguy]

Me, I'd have asked her straight up why things were feeling so awkward. I've done it in the past and god knows I'll continue to do it in the future, it's not the most subtle way to solve a problem, but it gets results.

[picsite]

I'm going to give it a bit more time and if that doesn't solve it I will probably talk to her.

[stopit]

I would get get her something if it's something that you would ordinarily do. Just make sure you don't get her something too fancy or suggestive. And the way you present the gift is also something you might want to consider minimizing.

 

The sooner you get back into the swing of things, the faster the awkardness will subside. Don't let it take away all the good things about your friendship!

[picsite]

Its now been another week....and well shes always still around and when we leave class she waits for me etc but I can feel something about her has changed. Like she'll go and be playful with other guys, like she has always been playful with these guys and she also used to be like that with me and I miss it dearly. I completely regret telling her anything and I should have just held it all inside and I'm sure I would be feeling a lot better than I am right now. I'm starting to feel awkard around her because before she used to be so loud and playful around me and now its just dead silence walking from one class to another. It's eating away at me from inside. It could also be that there has been A LOT of school hmk and pressure from school and we're only in the third week. But still shes just more playful in general around other people and its ****** killing me.

 

I don't want to talk to her about it either because I'm afraid it'll just make things a lot worse. In school I feel so much more depressed, I just wish I could go back the summer when she used to call me and we'd talk and when we would msg me 500 times a day and I always had a smile on my face when we talked....and..........ahhhhhhhh why does life have to do this to me...I finally got close to a girl as a friend and I ruined the whole thing by wanting to go out with her....thinking about it now I would be so much happier right now if I hadn't done anything and just stayed friends................this completely sucks but at least I have somewhere I can come to spill my guts....

[stopit]

I really would suggest that you talk to her about it. She's probably acting distant because you guys haven't discussed what's going on the relationship, and both of you are in the dark as to what the other is feeling. Maybe she feels like she should distance herself so that you don't get the wrong impression. But you seem to know the limitations of the friendship anyway, but she doesn't know that you know that. Tell her that you'd like things to go back to the way they were, and maybe quantify your feelings for her in a flattering way? The fact that she still hangs out with you means that she wants to go back to being friendly and chatty, but she's just waiting for some sort of "Go" signal, for some reassurance.

 

It'll be a little awkward at first, but in the end it'll be worth it.

 

If you leave this hanging above you without resolving it, I wouldn't expect it to get better within the near future, though time may possibly work in your favor eventually. The question is whether you want it to continue being awkward anyway between you two in the mean time.

[sumguy]

I don't want to talk to her about it either because I'm afraid it'll just make things a lot worse.

 

Things can go three ways from here.

 

1. You talk about it, clear the air, things will never go back to the same but they will become more normal.

 

2. You don't talk about it, continue with this strained friendship until eventually you become too distant to be friends. It causes hurt on both sides.

 

3. You talk about it, and the friendship ends abruptly, which is unlikely and probably better for you in the long run.

 

It doesn't sound like she wants to stop being friends with you, it sounds more like she doesn't know where she stands in relation to the friendship anymore, and doesn't know how to act towards you. Talking now, before more time passes and things become more uncomfortable, is the best option.

 

Because even if you end up with option 1 or 3, option 2 is the worst one for you, it will hurt like hell for as long as you know her, and lead to bitterness.