Can Someone Love You and Not Realize It?

[sportsbunny]

Is it possible for someone to be in love with someone else and not realize it?

...Let me know if that doesn't make sense.

 

And if so, how can you *show* them that they are? Or do you just have to let time play it out...

 

thanks

[annie24]

umm.... it doesn't sound promising!

 

why do you think someone can be in love without realizing it?

[Dako]

I can't imagine not knowing. It's a pretty big feeling.

[Jayar]

No... But a person can NOT be in love with someone else who THINKS that person IS in love with them, and that someone can torture themselves by BELIEVING all they need to do is show the NOT in love person that they really are in love. It's a big difference!

[doyathink]

I cant speak for everyone here, but I have never not known when I was in love with someone!

[annie24]

I can't imagine not knowing. It's a pretty big feeling.

 

lol .... is it love.... or indigestion?

[sportsbunny]

i guess i need to go into more detail...

 

can someone love someone and not be able to place the feelings that they have for that person. for example, a kind of love they've never experienced before. they're in love with someone but they don't know how to realize that it's love.

 

the reason i'm asking is because i am writing a story. my main character (a woman), let's call her A, falls in love with another character (also a woman), B. A doesn't want to come on too strong with B because she doesn't want to scare her off and she's not sure of B's feelings. B has done many things to show that she likes A for much more than a friend, but continues to date men, even though everyone can tell that they like each other.

 

so my question is could B be in love with A and not realize it... not realize how to place her emotions and feelings.

 

does that make sense yet? lol

[Dako]

That's very interesting!

 

If B is denying her attraction for fear of facing her identity or from other pressures, it might be a different matter. Maybe someone who jumped that fence could give you some insight.

 

Good clear explanation, by the way!

[DN]

I think that would come in the category of denial of love. A different thing than not realising it.

[Dako]

Good point, DN.

I was wondering about someone unsure of their orientation, but have trouble imagining it, since it's foreign to me. I've seen friends vacillating on this issue and they seem so lost at times.

[g44]

someone can be in love with someone else but they don't want to be but they still are so they do things to distract from the fact that they are in love with someone they don't want to love....

 

did that make sense?

[Honey Pumpkin]

Is it possible for someone to be in love with someone else and not realize it?

...Let me know if that doesn't make sense.

 

And if so, how can you *show* them that they are? Or do you just have to let time play it out...

 

thanks

 

Sometimes I'm not sure what love is. There's infatuation, and the euphoria of a new affair. Is that love? Or is love being with someone for forty years and being with them through all the rubbish and hard bits, when it's not all pink clouds and champagne? Or is love all of it? I think it is, but each time I love someone it's different. So your question - it's fascinating. What about the love you have for a friend? I get confused by it all, and I think people use the word 'love' too lightly, to be honest.

 

I do agree though, that if someone doesn't think they love you, then you cannot persuade them that they do. That's doomed to failure, isn't it?

[Gecko]

I have been in a sort of love where I unconsciously denied what was going on in the back of my mind, rarely consciously considering it since it lay outside the social boundaries.

 

Until it hit me... like a ton of bricks.

 

So yes, I think what you describe exists but I wouldn't call it 'not knowing you're in love'.

[karen95]

i "had" a friend (still my friend) that i had known for a few months, who i had really clicked with and become very close friends with and i thought a lot of him but never thought of him in a romantic way. But one night we were drinking and we kissed and within a few days i was in love with him.

 

So obviously i had some feelings that were there for him that i did not realize were there. and without the kiss i probably would still not have realized that i had those feelings for him.

[Lasko]

It happened to me once.

[mivra]

I was in love with my first serious boyfriend (we dated for a year). But I was so damaged and so in denial and so afraid of love that I didn't realise until more than a year after we broke up that I had been in love with him. That poor guy! I was so cruel to him. I apologised and told him, of course. I thought that he deserved to know

 

I think with intellectual or head-based people who have committment issues, it can happen quite easily. Adding a possible change in sexual orientation to the mix complicates things even further.