would u settle?

[sfindependent]

would you settle for being friends despite wanting to be something more?

[iamteddybearfeelmecuddle]

.......No.

[renaissancewoman101]

Yeah, I would, if the person meant something to me.

 

If a friendship was all he/she could give me, I would take it, esp if he/she meant something to me.

 

Something is better than nothing. I look at life like that.

[PhilliesFan001]

Yes, no doubt.

[g44]

if the person would be a great friend - how is that settling?

[stopit]

If you care about the person, sure. But it's a dangerous situation if you still have expectations that you know the other person cannot meet. Needless to say, it's exhausting being friends with someone knowing you can't be more with them. Realistically, it would be difficult at first, but possibly quite rewarding in the end if you come to terms with the other person's decision.

[annie24]

no freaking way. at least, not until I was 150% over them.

 

if they have something to add to your life, better to be friends, AFTER you are totally over them. otherwise, you are putting yourself in a world of hurt just watching them go on dates with new people.

[BBHFutureAllAmerican]

well see there's this girl in my class that i've always considered a sister (no relation, just that close) n i've sort of kinda started to like her this year but i know i can't because we have too great of a friendship for anything to happen n i think she feels that same way so i guess it just depends on the person

[HealingHandsWarmHeart]

I think it would depend on how much i liked them in a romantic way and how good of a friend they were to me.

[CynicalGuitarist]

no... whenever girls say they "want to just be friends", they just want me to be their shoulder to cry on when their jerk of a boyfriend breaks up with them. I ain't havin' that.

[Dako]

You should never settle.

 

Yeah, sure.

 

That said, I've done it twice years ago and it was a good thing. Looking back, those friendships were golden, even if my pride took a dive for a while. Those two ladies taught me a lot and helped me to understand women more than I did. To some degree, I accepted it with my ex wife. It's worth it if you really gain a good friend, but if you're just clinging and hoping, it can be a disaster that prevents healing and prolongs the pain.

[sfindependent]

I don't know... i guess there's a mixed bag of opinions here.

 

basically, she means the world to me. Went out with her for two years. lived together more than half that. did everything together. literally. was her first serious relationship. started off the wrong foot by cheatin on her, but after a while, literally changed my ways and gave everything to her, family, friends, future. that sorta thing. but now, she even said she doesnt think of me anymore, in that way, and that she has a different life already. I talked to her today and she said she gave her number to a guy. so that kinda stung. I guess i'm not ready to be her friend just yet. she insisted we're not getting back together. there's still alot of feelings left for me to resolve, but she really insists she wants me to be her friend.

[Dako]

I'd keep her digits and lay low until you feel strong.

If it's meant to be, it may be worth it.

[sfindependent]

yeah, i will. the problem with me is that I've got this complex where I dont want her to be with other people. Its something i've got to deal with. that and her insistence that she doesnt want a realtionship with me. any thoughts on how to make up for bad times?

[Dako]

I wish.

I've accepted my ex with a guy, but it's a major adjustment.

A new interest might help, but they don't appear on cue.

[sfindependent]

i know how that feels.I can only imagine how boy crazy she might be right now

it disgusts me.

 

I got my priorities and she has hers, i'm sure she wont have a difficult time finding a new man-toy.

[g44]

if u only wanted her to be happy and she is with whatever she is doing...then be happy...and as u are not a couple, she can do whatever she pleases...hey, i bet she dated men before she met u! did that bother u? if not - then look at it that way.

[sfindependent]

no, it didnt bother me since I knew it was definitely over with them and now, the possibilities with her is endless. I've got nothing more to prove to her since she's only looking at the bad parts of what has happened between us. and the good things i've been doing for her, she's taking as putting her in a corner. with no way to go but put her on a defensive mode.

[Dako]

Visceral reactions are tough to suck up and ignore, but if you want her to be happy, that's an approach that helped me cope with her guy. He's a good fellow and helps her out.

[sfindependent]

yeah, now she not only has the bad impression of the us during the relationship now she has the bad impression after the way i reacted to us breaking up, the news of her seeing other men, and the way I begged and pleaded for her understanding. plus she was having a manic/depressive episode so i'm thinking my actions were magnified even more *sigh*

[sfindependent]

i wonder if there is hope to save this?

and I wonder how I should handle the whole her meeting new people. Ugh. just the idea that we can only be friends is unsettling. imagine having to think of her giving out her number? I want to curl up and wake up to a new world without her and my desire for her,

[TriedPatience]

Yup, been there done that. I dated a guy a few times that I really liked. After 4 dates or so it was apparent that we were going to be friends. Since I knew he was a great guy why would I not want to be friends if the options were friends or nothing? He became on of my closest friends.

[sfindependent]

My case is kind of different which makes it a little difficult. we lived together for almost 2 years and spent every waking hour together. any body here a fan of FULL CONTACT?where you're broken up but not together? has it gotten you anything other than heartache, when the other person is completely not interested in you?

[annie24]

has it gotten you anything other than heartache, when the other person is completely not interested in you?

 

no.

 

so don't even bother with full contact, unless you have children together.

[Dako]

Bog, you seem like you'd benefit from some distance until your nerves settle down. If you can be friends, she'll be there later based on what friendship has been established before your split. Now is no time to attempt anything but healing, and don't forget, she's also in need of the same reflection and mental housecleaning. She may appreciate you more for letting her recover than trying to forge a link right now.

 

I've been dealing with this for exactly a year, and patience is key, but what helped me cope more than anything was the full acceptance that the relationship is over, toast, done, stick a fork in it, slam the door and take a breath.

 

I read your comment that "your situation is different" as a tell I've seen many times here. Looks like a vestige of hope to me.

Good luck, guy. I wish you well.